S/O- Anyone married more than 7 years & happy?

[Anonymous]

7 years, 3 kids, very happy most of the time. Keys to success -- good sex life, date nights, and a commitment for the long haul. We don't think of divorce as an escape route and know we've got to be together til we die so we work hard to get along. I think if you have that sense that you can always walk out, it makes it easier to put less work into the marriage.

One other thought...we've both been married before and had several previous long-term relationships, so we know there's no blissfully ever after with anyone. I think it's really important to have relationship experience before getting married. Otherwise, it's easy to idealize someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married for 10 years, together for 12 years. This is my 2nd marriage, DH's 1st. We had a rough time when we had the twins and my parents were living with us helping out, it was a rough time, we preserved and got through it with lots of patience, communication and understanding.

We take out vows very seriously, and since DH comes from a divorced family, and he often talks about how he was from a divided family and didn't want that for himself.

What did you do differently in this marriage than in your first marriage?

[Anonymous]

I'm happily married in that I know my spouse will always be there for me. We do not insist on sexual fidelity - that would make it really tough.

[Anonymous]

Married 7, together for 10, two kids (3 and 5), very happy. I wasn't going to respond because all the PPs pretty much covered it, but had to respond the poster who said that sexual fidelity would be "too tough." That is the OPPOSITE of our experience. Because I know that DH is committed to me 100%, it has allowed for us to be closer and happier. The trust and intimacy in our sex life has made it better and better over the years, and allowed us to weather storms of pregnancy, having small children, and all of life's stressors. I can't separate my sex life from my marriage, because they feed each other. Sexual fidelity hasn't been "tough" for us at all, and I can't imagine how involving other people in something that intimate would improve my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 13 together 20. Very happy. Mutual respect communication, laughing, still in love. It's work - both of us make each other feel special and important. Always say thank you. Spend a lot of time together as a family and enjoy each others company. You won't be happy unless you both work at it. If it's not what you want now, take the lead and change your behavior first, be positive up beat, He may follow your lead.

I agree with this poster. We've been married 10 years and together for 13.

I'm the 10:39 poster and I just wanted to say that I agree with this 100%. For many years I stewed about the fact that certain things in my marriage weren't the way I would want them to be, and wished my DH would change. One day I woke up and it sounds really fucking trite, but I just kind of realized I have to (to misquote Gandhi) be the change I want to see in my marriage. I didn't do it subtly, either. Well, some of it I did, but I also made a point of talking DH through it and telling him that I was doing certain things b/c I really wanted things to change, and luckily he did not feel threatened or defensive by it but instead he joined me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married in that I know my spouse will always be there for me. We do not insist on sexual fidelity - that would make it really tough.

I hope this is meant to be funny?

Sexual fidelity is marriage, by definition. The longer we are together, the better the sex, because sex is intimacy, trust, knowledge, understanding, total and unconditional giving, a union of two into one. Sex is so profound, it can lead to a totally unique human being.

The thought of anyone besides my husband trying to be intimate with me is not only disturbing, it is unsatisfying. There is no way anyone else could give me the pleasure my husband gives me, and the technical stuff is not what I am talking about. My husband respects me, cherishes me, supports me, protects me, KNOWS me as a whole person--that is sexy, above all else.

The longer I live, the more I realize we are not obsessed with sex as a culture--we are afraid of it. Afraid of its full, true meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 7, together for 10, two kids (3 and 5), very happy. I wasn't going to respond because all the PPs pretty much covered it, but had to respond the poster who said that sexual fidelity would be "too tough." That is the OPPOSITE of our experience. Because I know that DH is committed to me 100%, it has allowed for us to be closer and happier. The trust and intimacy in our sex life has made it better and better over the years, and allowed us to weather storms of pregnancy, having small children, and all of life's stressors. I can't separate my sex life from my marriage, because they feed each other. Sexual fidelity hasn't been "tough" for us at all, and I can't imagine how involving other people in something that intimate would improve my marriage.

It's actually simple for us - DH wants sex about 3 times a month, and three times a week is not, and never has been, sufficient for me. I do not confuse other sexual relationships with the intimacy of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married in that I know my spouse will always be there for me. We do not insist on sexual fidelity - that would make it really tough.

I hope this is meant to be funny?

Sexual fidelity is marriage, by definition. The longer we are together, the better the sex, because sex is intimacy, trust, knowledge, understanding, total and unconditional giving, a union of two into one. Sex is so profound, it can lead to a totally unique human being.

The thought of anyone besides my husband trying to be intimate with me is not only disturbing, it is unsatisfying. There is no way anyone else could give me the pleasure my husband gives me, and the technical stuff is not what I am talking about. My husband respects me, cherishes me, supports me, protects me, KNOWS me as a whole person--that is sexy, above all else.

The longer I live, the more I realize we are not obsessed with sex as a culture--we are afraid of it. Afraid of its full, true meaning.

Does this mean you've never had sex with anyone other than your husband? In your whole life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 7, together for 10, two kids (3 and 5), very happy. I wasn't going to respond because all the PPs pretty much covered it, but had to respond the poster who said that sexual fidelity would be "too tough." That is the OPPOSITE of our experience. Because I know that DH is committed to me 100%, it has allowed for us to be closer and happier. The trust and intimacy in our sex life has made it better and better over the years, and allowed us to weather storms of pregnancy, having small children, and all of life's stressors. I can't separate my sex life from my marriage, because they feed each other. Sexual fidelity hasn't been "tough" for us at all, and I can't imagine how involving other people in something that intimate would improve my marriage.

It's actually simple for us - DH wants sex about 3 times a month, and three times a week is not, and never has been, sufficient for me. I do not confuse other sexual relationships with the intimacy of marriage.

Sorry, don't want to hijack OP's thread, but does this mean that 2+ times a week, you have sex with someone other than your husband? Are these one-time flings, or on-going relationship(s)?

[Anonymous]

together 11, married 7. We are much happier now then we have been in the past... we were seriously headed for divorce. It was not pretty.
Basically we just made US a priority. DH transferred his job, and I switched jobs, which created much less drama and stress in our lives. We started doing things together... small things, not romantic weekends away, but it gave us time to reconnect.
Now that we are both working, have a small child, etc we make sure we spend some time together, even if it's just dvr and folding laundry. We connect several times a day, even if it's just a "crazy day here, how are you" text.
We have sex much more than we used to (several times went a full year w/o). Make it a priority, and sometimes I'm really NOT in the mood, but I know that it's worth it.Also, and I know you can only control this so much, but we are in a slightly better financial state, and the fact that I don't have to end every single day yelling at DH about his trip to starbucks, makes for a happier marriage only because we are less stressed.

[Anonymous]

16:45: great, but i have to admit your description sounds a bit scary to me. Could be just me...

[Anonymous]

We've been married 14+ years, together 16. We've actually gotten happier over time, probably because we've both matured and are less selfish than we were when we were first married. We're also beyond the baby stage with our kids (they're ages 10 and 8) which means we have more time together. At this point I would say we're very happy together. We do fight on occassion, but 99% of the time we're both eager to get over it quickly.

[Anonymous]

12:13, no, not necessarily. I have a long term boyfriend whom I see at least once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blissfully. Really. 22 years. Communication. We're just honest about stuff and talk it out as soon as it comes up and always have.

This, except we've been together for 18 and married for 15.

This for us too. Married for 8, together for 11. We don't let things simmer or fester. And neither one of us is quick to anger so that helps. and we make an effort to get away 2 or 3 times a year just us for a night or two. Reconnecting without the kids and daily grind is important.

[Anonymous]

Celebrating 15 years next week. Yes, still happy. No amazing secret, but we are committed to each other and what we have.