S/O- Anyone married more than 7 years & happy?

[Anonymous]

Are there men writing? And how does their list of secrets differ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Blissfully married 16 years this June, together 19 years, high school sweethearts. We are madly, passionately in love, moreso every day, best friends, so happy.

Different cultures, ethnicities, temperaments, socioeconomic statuses, and faiths when we first fell in love. Now we share a faith, and that is the key to our happiness. We are open to children, mutually supportive in our roles in the family, and absolutely loyal to one another.

We are "each the other's world entire."

Yikes! What are you gonna do when one of you dies? Lose your whole world?

Not the PP you're quoting, but my husband and I have a very similar relationship.. Except, we do have one child. So no, I don't think that you lose your whole world because you still have a family, but I do know, that when he dies, a large part of my heart will be missing.

It sounds morbid (it's really not) but we have those "cute" little arguments occasionally about which one of us is going to die first, many many years from now of course.. Of course this is all jokingly. In all actuality, I imagine that we'll be one of those couples that goes one shortly after the other.

But, think about it, we married when we were 20, got together at 18, and knew each other for about 8-9 years prior to that. We have been together for our whole adult lives, and known each other long before that. So one of us losing the other will be devastating, and there's no getting around that.

Not the PP quoted, but this is us, too! I tell him that if he thinks he's having a stroke to push me in front of a bus, to which he replies, "Whoops, only indigestion..."

Seriously, though, if your partner is your best friend and someone you've known since you were 17, of course you are going to be devastated. Just like people are devastated every day when they lose parents, siblings, cousins, and childhood best friends. It doesn't make you a weenie to admit that or to hope it won't happen for a very long time. I won't curl up and die, but it seems likely that I won't remarry (but I'm an introvert, so the thought of life on my own is not horrible even while the thought of life without DH is very sad).

I am not religious, so I don't believe God sent DH to me, but I do marvel at the ways in which we are mirrors for each other. If we're able to see it, we each offer the other the insight or example that we lack in our own experience just when we need it. That's not something you throw away because the sex gets spotty when you have a young child (for example).

[Anonymous]

Married 10 years, together 14. Nothing too different to suggest from what has worked for other PPs, but we haven't been afraid to be open about our hard times (one came about a year after the birth of our first child, one came about a year after the birth of our second). We talked a lot about the first, and how to get out of it, and when the second started, we did an Imago weekend, which made our marriage as good as it's been since we were newlyweds. Now we sit down once a week and talk about how we're doing, how our relationship is doing. We plan one fun couple activity per week. And we tell each other something we appreciate about each other every day.

[Anonymous]

Coming up on 10. Together for 16. Happily married but as others have said not always blissful and trouble free. Our roughest years were when we had 3 children under 3 and no time to ourselves -- we both had to let go of our hobbies so no outlet to blow off steam. Now that my dh is back playing with his band and I am back to my club running and biking, we are much happier. It sounds corny but I remember my Dad telling me to "be a team" and we are. We don't have strict "who does what" around the house or with the kids but we make sure everything gets done, so as we both have lots of time to re-energize. (Stirct bedtimes for the kids from the get go have also helped.)

[Anonymous]

Married for 22 years and happy. I was 20 when we got married. Met him when I was 17.

[Anonymous]

We've only been married for 5 years but together for 15 (since high school). We are happy, and we knew what to expect since we grew up together in a lot of ways. We also knew each other's families well by the time we got married. It helps to have things you enjoy doing together and shared memories-- stuff to talk about and connect over aside from household chores, schedules, bills, kid, etc. And seeing yourselves as a team. Also, being somewhat flexible and choosing your battles. Plus daily affection, saying please and thank you, and trying to do nice things for the other person. Hopefully all of this will keep working for the next several decades.

[Anonymous]

Happily married for 21 years. We are best friends and we are a team. Our kids are somewhat young (elementary school) so we have not weathered the teenage years yet, but we have faced a lot together already. We married somewhat late (I was 29) and had our own (strong!) opinions and habits going into marriage. I think the earlier years of marriage were tougher than they are now.

[Anonymous]

Eight years and very happy. The secret, if you can call it that, is that we are both really committed to doing the work to stay connected. We had a very rough patch after DC #2 came along, and it's taken us 2 years to get back to feeling connected again. For me, and I think for DS, I do not see splitting up as an option, so the only choice is to keep looking for ways to understand one another even when things are very bad. Eventually something will work.

[Anonymous]

It is absolutely possible OP. You have to be open and honest with each other and know how to fight fair.

If you fight about sex and money, you can't be part of the problem without being part of the solution. It is NOT all on one of you!

It is a shame, I see so many couples who seek a disproportionate amount of time away from each other. I think it's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 13 together 20. Very happy. Mutual respect communication, laughing, still in love. It's work - both of us make each other feel special and important. Always say thank you. Spend a lot of time together as a family and enjoy each others company. You won't be happy unless you both work at it. If it's not what you want now, take the lead and change your behavior first, be positive up beat, He may follow your lead.

I agree with this poster. We've been married 10 years and together for 13.

[Anonymous]

I get so jealous of people who are happily married. I wanted that so badly for myself and yet here I am going through a divorce after 4 horrible years. I keep hope alive by telling myself that I am still young (early 30's) and I can still have a great relationship with someone after this is said and done.

[Anonymous]

Married for 10 years, together for 12 years. This is my 2nd marriage, DH's 1st. We had a rough time when we had the twins and my parents were living with us helping out, it was a rough time, we preserved and got through it with lots of patience, communication and understanding.

We take out vows very seriously, and since DH comes from a divorced family, and he often talks about how he was from a divided family and didn't want that for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not blissful, but definitely happy. Nearly eleven years, with some rough patches, but we both know we've got each others' back and are a united team.

Having a high level of trust helps, as does understanding each others' strengths and weaknesses. We're on the same page about large life decisions, too.

I have had to learn to argue -- I used to think that fighting was a symptom of problems, but festering and sulking is much worse.

My marriage is similar so figured i'd just piggy-back on this post and save time. This septembe will be 13 years of marrige, 16 years of being with my DH, and I'm happy. I'm sometimes extremely happy, other times merely content (I say that facetiously, since being content is pretty damn good in my book), and sometimes unhappy and furious/frustrated. We have two kids and have weathered a few storms, but I know my DH accepts me for who I am and my struggle is doing the same for him. He's a better person overall than I am, to be honest, so even when I'm getting mad about big or little things, I always try to remember that truly, he is an amazing person and that no one is perfect. And that if he was anywhere near as fickle and petty as I am, he would've divorced my ass long ago b/c I can be a major pain in the ass.

[Anonymous]

Married 8 years, together 11 years. We have a very happy marriage and I think it has only gotten better with time. The key for me is that I married the right person and knew he was the right person from the first date. Are we exactly alike and do we complete each other's sentences? No, not at all. We are very different and our differences are what make us work because we off-set one another. We also have great role models in both sets of parents, which I think really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get so jealous of people who are happily married. I wanted that so badly for myself and yet here I am going through a divorce after 4 horrible years. I keep hope alive by telling myself that I am still young (early 30's) and I can still have a great relationship with someone after this is said and done.

I'm one of the PPs who reported being happy after 8 years, and I was divorced before I met my spouse (we both were), so there's hope for you pp.