Stanford professor dad - arrested and facing one year jail time because teens drank in his house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

I'm guessing you have no experience with teens?

If you do, however, your outlook is very simplistic. So unless you're living on 50 acres in Montana while homeschooling your kids, I don't think you're being realistic.

No, I was a teenager. My parents absolutely drove home the point that they were responsible for all of my friends in our house. The law doesn't stop at your front door. They also said they could get sued and lose everything. They drilled it into my head and it made me not invite friends over that couldn't follow the rules. I had been to other house parties and saw how the kids treated the house (putting cigarettes out on the floor and couches). I also knew many kids doing cocaine and heroin (remember heroin chic in the early 90s?). At the end of the day, if you talk with your kids and explain why things are not allowed, your child, hopefully, will get a clue. Perhaps your parents didn't have this conversation or mayerbe you didn't care. Not all teenagers are irresponsible and stupid .

I teach teens. So you're not exactly one from whom I'd take advice.

As far as my parents were concerned, we were raised with alcohol. It's wasn't a big deal. I grew up with the European mentality that it was OK to have a glass of wine with dinner. My parents didn't scare the shit out of me with regard to alcohol. Fear-based parenting doesn't work.

I had teacher who got stoned with my classmates, so just being a teacher doesn't make you more responsible than anyone else in my opinion. I never said that my parents didn't let me have wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I don't think they were parenting by fearr but were clearly laying out possible consequences. Hey your parents didn't scare the shit out of you, which might be why you partied in college and ended up being a teacher. Good luck with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt dad didn't know they were drinking.

And neither I or any of my siblings or any of our friends ever brought alcohol into our house. It is possible to raise kids that respect their parents and the house rules or to at least fear the repercussions to the point they they comply.

Raise a teenager. Then check back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

I'm guessing you have no experience with teens?

If you do, however, your outlook is very simplistic. So unless you're living on 50 acres in Montana while homeschooling your kids, I don't think you're being realistic.

No, I was a teenager. My parents absolutely drove home the point that they were responsible for all of my friends in our house. The law doesn't stop at your front door. They also said they could get sued and lose everything. They drilled it into my head and it made me not invite friends over that couldn't follow the rules. I had been to other house parties and saw how the kids treated the house (putting cigarettes out on the floor and couches). I also knew many kids doing cocaine and heroin (remember heroin chic in the early 90s?). At the end of the day, if you talk with your kids and explain why things are not allowed, your child, hopefully, will get a clue. Perhaps your parents didn't have this conversation or mayerbe you didn't care. Not all teenagers are irresponsible and stupid .

I teach teens. So you're not exactly one from whom I'd take advice.

As far as my parents were concerned, we were raised with alcohol. It's wasn't a big deal. I grew up with the European mentality that it was OK to have a glass of wine with dinner. My parents didn't scare the shit out of me with regard to alcohol. Fear-based parenting doesn't work.

I had teacher who got stoned with my classmates, so just being a teacher doesn't make you more responsible than anyone else in my opinion. I never said that my parents didn't let me have wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I don't think they were parenting by fearr but were clearly laying out possible consequences. Hey your parents didn't scare the shit out of you, which might be why you partied in college and ended up being a teacher. Good luck with your kids.

Not the PP you are talking to. Also not a teacher. But you are fucking awful.

[Anonymous]

Only in America!!! This is just plain ridiculous! I grew up in France and there was alcohol in the home all the time and we got to take a sip here and there. We had parties with beer or wine and nobody got arrested or ridiculously drunk. Alcohol is such a BIG deal over here. I'm not surprised that the college kids go absolutely crazy once they get there hands on 'legal' alcohol at 21.

The parents were in the home, providing supervision and food. I don't think that this 'party' would ever have gotten out of hand.

[Anonymous]

Really.
Glass houses, stones.
Walk a mile in his shoes.
Do not judge lest be judged.
There but for the grace of God.
etc.
Please be humble. You don't know what lies ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt dad didn't know they were drinking.

And neither I or any of my siblings or any of our friends ever brought alcohol into our house. It is possible to raise kids that respect their parents and the house rules or to at least fear the repercussions to the point they they comply.

Raise a teenager. Then check back.

So true, PP! Good point!

[Anonymous]

I had friends over one time in high school (late 80's) and we snuck in alcohol. All of us came from non-drinking families and we had been lectured to many times and knew it was wrong. We thought it would be fun. My parents found out a few months later and there was hell to pay. But, my parents had no idea and they came in and out (there were 6 of us) during the evening. I remember also sleeping over at friend's homes (there would only be a handful of us) and friends slipping in wine coolers (we thought those were great). Their parents never knew and would not have condoned such a thing. I feel sorry for this dad.

That said, when I was in the 10th grade, a class mate through a school wide party. Her parents were out of town - but had bought her a keg. There were over 2,000 students in our student body. My friends and I decided to go by and see what the party was about. We had to park a couple of blocks away. We never walked all the way to the party because it sounded crazy and we didn't want to get busted. We found out the next week at school that someone had ripped out a lighting fixture. I heard her bragging that her parents did not get made because they had said it was ok for her to have a party. This was back in the 80's, so the parents did not get into trouble.

Two different type of situations. I feel sorry for the dad in this situation because it sounds like he tried to make sure it was a dry party. I hope the judge/jury takes that into account.

[Anonymous]

Hey your parents didn't scare the shit out of you, which might be why you partied in college and ended up being a teacher. Good luck with your kids.

Wow, you sound awful. And like a parent of pre-schoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

I'm guessing you have no experience with teens?

If you do, however, your outlook is very simplistic. So unless you're living on 50 acres in Montana while homeschooling your kids, I don't think you're being realistic.

No, I was a teenager. My parents absolutely drove home the point that they were responsible for all of my friends in our house. The law doesn't stop at your front door. They also said they could get sued and lose everything. They drilled it into my head and it made me not invite friends over that couldn't follow the rules. I had been to other house parties and saw how the kids treated the house (putting cigarettes out on the floor and couches). I also knew many kids doing cocaine and heroin (remember heroin chic in the early 90s?). At the end of the day, if you talk with your kids and explain why things are not allowed, your child, hopefully, will get a clue. Perhaps your parents didn't have this conversation or mayerbe you didn't care. Not all teenagers are irresponsible and stupid .

I teach teens. So you're not exactly one from whom I'd take advice.

As far as my parents were concerned, we were raised with alcohol. It's wasn't a big deal. I grew up with the European mentality that it was OK to have a glass of wine with dinner. My parents didn't scare the shit out of me with regard to alcohol. Fear-based parenting doesn't work.

I had teacher who got stoned with my classmates, so just being a teacher doesn't make you more responsible than anyone else in my opinion. I never said that my parents didn't let me have wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I don't think they were parenting by fearr but were clearly laying out possible consequences. Hey your parents didn't scare the shit out of you, which might be why you partied in college and ended up being a teacher. Good luck with your kids.

Wow - So you obviously have quite a bit of respect for people teaching our youth. I'm not surprised by your tone, as you struck me as an idiot after I read your first post.

But anyone with that much hostility can't be very happy to begin with, proving that fear-based parenting does NOT work.

And in regard to your T-giving comment . . . As an Italian we had homemade wine all through the year. So drinking was not a novelty to me. It was often paired with homemade pizzas and pastas! I had a good childhood, PP, and that's why I'm a damn good educator, too!

too bad yours sucked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only in America!!! This is just plain ridiculous! I grew up in France and there was alcohol in the home all the time and we got to take a sip here and there. We had parties with beer or wine and nobody got arrested or ridiculously drunk. Alcohol is such a BIG deal over here. I'm not surprised that the college kids go absolutely crazy once they get there hands on 'legal' alcohol at 21.

The parents were in the home, providing supervision and food. I don't think that this 'party' would ever have gotten out of hand.

1. The French attitude results in 60% more alcohol consumption and higher rates of alcoholism.
2. The idea that French teens don't binge drink is false. As of 2006, 26% of teens under 18 say they get drunk regularly.
3. And that is why they recently raised the age to buy alcohol to 18. Because even the French government admits it is a problem.

Calling it cool does not make it cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had teacher who got stoned with my classmates, so just being a teacher doesn't make you more responsible than anyone else in my opinion. I never said that my parents didn't let me have wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I don't think they were parenting by fearr but were clearly laying out possible consequences. Hey your parents didn't scare the shit out of you, which might be why you partied in college and ended up being a teacher. Good luck with your kids.

Not the PP you are talking to. Also not a teacher. But you are fucking awful.

x2

Oh - and guess what - teenage drinking was seriously commonplace when I was in highschool. I can't tell you how many parties were thrown (though parents were usually gone). And somehow, despite this, I went to a top college, top law school and likely make more in one year than you (the awful poster) do in five.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only in America!!! This is just plain ridiculous! I grew up in France and there was alcohol in the home all the time and we got to take a sip here and there. We had parties with beer or wine and nobody got arrested or ridiculously drunk. Alcohol is such a BIG deal over here. I'm not surprised that the college kids go absolutely crazy once they get there hands on 'legal' alcohol at 21.

The parents were in the home, providing supervision and food. I don't think that this 'party' would ever have gotten out of hand.

1. The French attitude results in 60% more alcohol consumption and higher rates of alcoholism.
2. The idea that French teens don't binge drink is false. As of 2006, 26% of teens under 18 say they get drunk regularly.
3. And that is why they recently raised the age to buy alcohol to 18. Because even the French government admits it is a problem.

Calling it cool does not make it cool.

French teens also binge drink. Some parents knowingly serve and provide alcohol. Some sit in their houses while viewing kids getting high outside. Some allow them to get high inside. Some host pre prom parties and walk around while teens help themselves to open bar and elaborate h'orderve set-ups.

All schools do not throw out or call parents when students and their guests are extremely drunk at school events. All do not close down events when ambulances or police must or should be called.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my childhood neighbors-- I was out of college at this point, so their son was too (one year older than I am). But he was lame and always hung around with teenage girls. Held a huge bash in the backyard with tons of kegs, police were called because of noise, other neighbor who was a cop showed up and arrested his mom because as the homeowner, she was responsible. She knew her son was lame. She should have been more vigilant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hey your parents didn't scare the shit out of you, which might be why you partied in college and ended up being a teacher. Good luck with your kids.

Wow, you sound awful. And like a parent of pre-schoolers.

Have to agree PP. You just don't realize what older kids are capable of. We had a party at my house when I was 11. My parents were both there and my dad got such a sketchy vibe that he called me upstairs and threatened to send everyone home--he was terrifying but that's another story. I later found beer cans in our backyard. I could NOT believe people disrespected my parents home in this way. Admittedly it was the 70's. But they did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I highly doubt dad didn't know they were drinking.

And neither I or any of my siblings or any of our friends ever brought alcohol into our house. It is possible to raise kids that respect their parents and the house rules or to at least fear the repercussions to the point they they comply.

Raise a teenager. Then check back.

I do raise teens - through fostering. Not my own kids but still have experience raising teens. Of course nothing I say will matter as you already know for 100% that ALL teens will sneak in alcohol based on how you have raised your own kids - what you don't realize is that not all parents raise kids the way you do. It is the same as parents who say I let my kids have sex in my house because ALL teens have sex or ALL teens will drink and drive or ALL teens will do x or y. This black and white perspective shows ignorance that not all teens are identical and that not all parents raise teens to act the same way. It also ignores stats that show that not all kids drink/get drunk/have sex in high school. those kids have parents too - who have raised them to have different values, beliefs, morals, priorities etc..and hence different actions.