Stanford professor dad - arrested and facing one year jail time because teens drank in his house

[Anonymous]

This is scary. The parents were home and allowed their senior in high school son to have some friends over during Thanksgiving weekend. Parents said no alcohol, and bought chips and soda. Dad had baked chocolate chip cookies and brought them down earlier, saw no alcohol, was baking brownies to take down when the police came, said they got an anonymous call, and that there was underage drinking. Dad let them check it out and alcohol was found, dad was arrested, facing 44 counts!

Saw the interview on Today, parents seem really "upstanding" and responsible. Seems like bad luck that could happen to anyone??? Or no? I have a three year old and a baby, I don't know. And I'd hate to think that parents are going to be scared to host teens because of this, and have them go somewhere else.

http://losaltos.patch.com/articles/the-party-is-over-teenaged-drinking-poses-risk-to-parents

[Anonymous]

This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

[Anonymous]

This is so scary! We were just talking about it the other day. I said I'd rather our DD to taste alcohol at home under our watch then try it on the street. DH jumped on my throat about this exact scenario and I laughed it off saying it's impossible.

I guess he was right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so scary! We were just talking about it the other day. I said I'd rather our DD to taste alcohol at home under our watch then try it on the street. DH jumped on my throat about this exact scenario and I laughed it off saying it's impossible.

I guess he was right.

Avoid jail. Underage drinking is underage drinking. I knew a mom of a boy in my HS who was arrested for smoking pot with her son and a couple of his friends. If it is against the law, don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so scary! We were just talking about it the other day. I said I'd rather our DD to taste alcohol at home under our watch then try it on the street. DH jumped on my throat about this exact scenario and I laughed it off saying it's impossible.

I guess he was right.

Avoid jail. Underage drinking is underage drinking. I knew a mom of a boy in my HS who was arrested for smoking pot with her son and a couple of his friends. If it is against the law, don't do it.

Don't get me wrong here. I'd never do it with my child's friends! It's a family issue and it's for DD's sake only!

I've sipped from my mom's glass on occasion and those few tries were more than enough to keep me from drinking elsewhere. I thought it was a good solution for the problem

DH doesn't drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so scary! We were just talking about it the other day. I said I'd rather our DD to taste alcohol at home under our watch then try it on the street. DH jumped on my throat about this exact scenario and I laughed it off saying it's impossible.

I guess he was right.

Avoid jail. Underage drinking is underage drinking. I knew a mom of a boy in my HS who was arrested for smoking pot with her son and a couple of his friends. If it is against the law, don't do it.

I agree it's wrong, but a mom smoking pot with her teens and their friends is WORLDs away from what this dad is doing. He was at least trying to do the right thing by hosting kids, setting clear limits, and going in and checking on them through constantly refreshing their snacks. he wasn't even upstairs asleep. To me this is VERY different than going down and smoking pot with them which is just the epitome of irresponsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

Kids will be kids.

They slip up; they challenge you.

The man made cookies and checked up on them. How can you blame him? Did you expect him to frisk the kids while risking the chance of facing molestation charges?

really? You're blaming the father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

How's the view from high on the horse? It's possible the teen son didn't know about the alcohol. It's possible friends snuck the alcohol into the house. It's possible the kids snuck beer from a case in the garage. It's possible the son was totally clueless to the alcohol. You can say you "won't tolerate" alcohol in your home, and you can mean it, you can check on the kids in the basement, etc. But the kids are in your basement. You can't watch them 100% of the time or know what they're doing 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so scary! We were just talking about it the other day. I said I'd rather our DD to taste alcohol at home under our watch then try it on the street. DH jumped on my throat about this exact scenario and I laughed it off saying it's impossible.

I guess he was right.

Avoid jail. Underage drinking is underage drinking. I knew a mom of a boy in my HS who was arrested for smoking pot with her son and a couple of his friends. If it is against the law, don't do it.

Don't get me wrong here. I'd never do it with my child's friends! It's a family issue and it's for DD's sake only!

I've sipped from my mom's glass on occasion and those few tries were more than enough to keep me from drinking elsewhere. I thought it was a good solution for the problem

DH doesn't drink.

I grew up with homemade wine and I can remember liking the taste of a highball as a kid! But times were different, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

I'm guessing you have no experience with teens?

If you do, however, your outlook is very simplistic. So unless you're living on 50 acres in Montana while homeschooling your kids, I don't think you're being realistic.

[Anonymous]

This is so scary! We were just talking about it the other day. I said I'd rather our DD to taste alcohol at home under our watch then try it on the street. DH jumped on my throat about this exact scenario and I laughed it off saying it's impossible.

I guess he was right.

Most of the time the law makes an exception for a parent providing alcohol to his/her child at a private residence (at least, I know that's the law in MD).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

I'm guessing you have no experience with teens?

If you do, however, your outlook is very simplistic. So unless you're living on 50 acres in Montana while homeschooling your kids, I don't think you're being realistic.

No, I was a teenager. My parents absolutely drove home the point that they were responsible for all of my friends in our house. The law doesn't stop at your front door. They also said they could get sued and lose everything. They drilled it into my head and it made me not invite friends over that couldn't follow the rules. I had been to other house parties and saw how the kids treated the house (putting cigarettes out on the floor and couches). I also knew many kids doing cocaine and heroin (remember heroin chic in the early 90s?). At the end of the day, if you talk with your kids and explain why things are not allowed, your child, hopefully, will get a clue. Perhaps your parents didn't have this conversation or mayerbe you didn't care. Not all teenagers are irresponsible and stupid .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't scary. This happens often but isn't reported. You have to make it very clear to your kids, "no alcohol!" My parents always told me growing up that if kids brought alcohol over, they could be arrested. They are the parents. They are in charge! Sorry. I bet their son feels bad for not speaking up.

I'm guessing you have no experience with teens?

If you do, however, your outlook is very simplistic. So unless you're living on 50 acres in Montana while homeschooling your kids, I don't think you're being realistic.

No, I was a teenager. My parents absolutely drove home the point that they were responsible for all of my friends in our house. The law doesn't stop at your front door. They also said they could get sued and lose everything. They drilled it into my head and it made me not invite friends over that couldn't follow the rules. I had been to other house parties and saw how the kids treated the house (putting cigarettes out on the floor and couches). I also knew many kids doing cocaine and heroin (remember heroin chic in the early 90s?). At the end of the day, if you talk with your kids and explain why things are not allowed, your child, hopefully, will get a clue. Perhaps your parents didn't have this conversation or mayerbe you didn't care. Not all teenagers are irresponsible and stupid .

I teach teens. So you're not exactly one from whom I'd take advice.

As far as my parents were concerned, we were raised with alcohol. It's wasn't a big deal. I grew up with the European mentality that it was OK to have a glass of wine with dinner. My parents didn't scare the shit out of me with regard to alcohol. Fear-based parenting doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

I hope he doesn't accept any stupid deal and chooses to go to trial.... he just needs one person with common sense among 12.

[Anonymous]

From the article:

"Or, perhaps the neighbor could have helped the professor and his wife get the rowdy kids home. Or, maybe together the neighbor and the professor could have called and asked the police for help. Sometimes the men in blue are exactly what we need.

Confronting our neighbors can be difficult. It requires courage and a willingness to get involved. Palo Alto School Board member Melissa Baten Caswell said, “We seem to have forgotten we are part of a community. Instead we are so worried about our own little worlds. People are not looking beyond themselves.”

She believes “if you know your neighbors, if you have a relationship, you’re more likely to reach out. If you don’t, you call the police.”

In a community such as ours that is grappling with how to handle teenage stress, refusing our children a chance to celebrate important and even not so important milestones isn’t the answer.

I believe one of the best things we can do for our teenagers is to get to know our neighbors. That way, when we need help or need to make that awkward phone call, we feel connected enough to do so."

Here's the thing--you do have to have a close relationship with your neighbors. It's what I've been saying all along. That snub on the birthday party invite back when the kids were in 5th grade can fester into a burning resentment. Be inclusive. Be gracious. Do the block party thing--way up into high school. You don't have to be best friend but don't be snotty and exclude people--when neighbors are estranged, humanity between people is lost. Police are called to handle a situation when all that was need was a conversation between 2 neighbors. Think about--this stuff is real. Our kids need to be able to have parties on the block without police becoming involved because of the suspicion of alcohol consumption.