Is it terrible if I don't invite my brother and his family for christmas
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Anonymous
| Pay for a babysitter (or two) for all the kids in the city. Then you, your Dh, brother, and SIL go out for dinner. Don't you all want a quiet dinner after getting up at the crack of dawn with the kids? |
Anonymous
| I'm not sure I understand why people think one MUST have Christmas with everyone, as opposed to spending a quiet Christmas at home. If Christmas would be more meaningful spent with just the immediate family, then go for it. |
Anonymous
| Seriously? It's Christmas! So what if toys get messed up? You're meant to spend it together. Look at the big picture and be grateful. |
Anonymous
And I will say my fondest memories of Christmas was with my mom, dad, and sisters. My dad liked the quiet Christmas with just us. The crazy thing is that my parents argued a lot and didn't agree on much so to be honest it was nice to have one day a year of no drama and just happy memories to look back on in childhood. It wasn't even about the toys themselves, though of course we loved toys. It was about having our tradition and being able to stay in pajamas till noon. My sisters and I would set the alarm for 6am and giggle and wake each other up. My parents worked together thru the night getting the gifts ready and were still sleeping when we would call ourselves tip toeing down the stairs (sure we sounded like a stampede) We would be halfway thru the candy in the stocking when my parents would come down and ask what Santa brought. Our parents would be in the living room watching us play and just enjoy ourselves. My dad would insist on taking pictures of everyone and of course we were still in pj with wrapping paper everywhere. We would eagerly await our dad to open his gifts because it was also his birthday and we wanted to see how he liked the Old Spice cologne that we had picked out. Who knows if he really liked it but he was always so happy and made a big deal about his gifts from the girls. We had no place we had to hurry to, no rush to clean up the house, no rush to get ready, just this one day of relaxing and spending time together, parents attention focused on us, and miraculous family harmony. That all said, I realize it is a balancing act of traditions. Find out from DH if he would be willing to go to your brother's house and if it is the burden of playing host or him wanting to be at home just you guys. If it's playing host, you can suggest brother host it this year and you alternate. Be honest that you love seeing them but you want to get a break too on Christmas. If he complains his place is too small, say you don't mind it being cozy. If DH wants it to be just you guys, that is lot tougher when your family is local. You will have to work out something where you alternate like one year your house, next year brother house, and following year you don't go anywhere and get together day after or before but likely with you hosting. Or that Christmas Eve is the big get together so you can have Christmas Day to stay in pj all day if you want. There isn't just one way to "do Christmas". The key is to find a way to get together that everyone will enjoy themselves and be flexible about traditions. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Compare this with the thread of the OP so sad that her sister never invites her over, or the thread where the OP is furious at the SIL for not coming. Surely there is a good compromise. Why not ask your brother if he and his family would be up for changing tradition a bit, and doing a big new year's dinner instead of Christmas. But to me, this is kind of sad. If the kids are friends and enjoy one another, and you love your brothers family, I can't see why this would be the right thing to do. Your DH might need a kick to the nuts by the holiday spirit or something!. |
Anonymous
Also, put the special toys away when the rougher cousins come over. How assy you are to this young family. 8 month old twins and two other kids? They probably look forward to the calm oasis of their aunt's house all year. 
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Anonymous
I disagree. Consideration should be a two way street and you don't get a free pass cause you're family. If I were hauling my four young kids to your house making a mess, my kids grabbing every toy their cousin just got for Christmas, every holiday, saying "oh here is my side of green beans " and assumed you loved this and wanted to do this cause we are family ... Really ? I mean if this was your best friend wouldn't you say something like here, let me clean up, it is the least we could do, or I know it could be a lot, why don't you come over our house this year, it will be tight, but I'm sure you would like to kick up your feet and only worry about bringing the green beans. Or say, hey, would it be easier to meet a little later in the day so the kids have time to open their gifts and put up toys they don't want their cousins to possibly break - you know little hands are quick. If best friend pooh poohed and said, no, it's actually easier if you come here etc that is one thing but to not ask or offer? Maybe I'm projecting now but being family does not mean I must be a doormat or not get the same kind of consideration you would give a friend. It took me awhile to stand up to my family and I realize like anything else in life, people respect you more when you show backbone, they may not agree but they know where you stand, and in the end they normally stop treating you that way when they know you won't get away with it. If they are truly a family is everything, as they think it is fine to expect you to do everything, they will "forgive" you when you draw the line and you will move forward. |
Anonymous
| 1455 - yes, you are majorly pe |
Anonymous
| 1455 - yes, you are majorly projecting. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. Thanks for all the suggestions. The morning of the 24th or the 26th sounds like a good idea -- I think I will suggest that. And I will be very clear that I am keeping it simple -- I am so very tired of cooking and cleaning.
I have gone back and forth about whether DH's request is reasonable. I usually am the first to call DH out if he is being an ass. Which he sometimes is. BUT, I kind of agree with him this time, which is why I bothered posting. Of course I love my brother and adore the kids -- but it is EXHAUSTING to have them over and they come over alot -- like every other weekend. Eight month old twins, a 2 year old and a 4 year old -- just picture it. Total and complete chaos. I am a working mom, and I like to enjoy time with my children too -- and no one enjoys time with anyone with the families combined . It is just constant refereeing and trying to keep everyone alive and uninjured. No conversations are had. I never even feel any special bonding moments because it is all so chaotic and crazy and I am always serving food or changing diapers or taking away toys. And my younger one -- the 5 year old -- always, always, ends up in time out. There is just no avoiding it. He loses patience with his cousins and has a melt down. And I know he has to learn to be in this family, but I feel bad that I am constantly subjecting him to all of these people in his space so often. |
Anonymous
This is hilarious. 
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Anonymous
| Yes, dh and I view holidays differently. He likes calm and relaxing. I like a crowd. It certainly causes issues. |
Anonymous
OP, you still don't get it. You've gone back and forth "about whether DH's request is reasonable?" Are you kidding? It is his HOME and what he wants to do in regards to things like this better resonate with you as "reasonable," whether or not you agree with him all of the time. At least if you want to stay married. |
Anonymous
| I love all the people who scream, "Christmas is about family!" First, her husband is family, too, as are her kids. Second, just because you want to spend each holiday with extended family does not mean everyone does. Good grief. |
Anonymous
| i wish my siblings lived close enough for me to see them for the holidays |