Is it terrible if I don't invite my brother and his family for christmas

[Anonymous]

My brother has 8 month old twins, a two year old and a 4 year old. They live 30 minutes away and are over frequently. It is tiring. My kids are 5 and 7 and enjoy their cousins, but do get tired of having to have all their toys messed up by the little ones, etc. My husband really wants a quiet Christmas with just the four of us. We just had them for thanksgiving and it was chaotic as usual. And they are co ing back tomorrow for brunch. I would rather have a quiet Christmas too. But what do I tell my brother?

[Anonymous]

Could you have a quiet Christmas morning but invite them over for Christmas Eve dinner, pre-presents?

[Anonymous]

Do you always host? If so, it may be uncomfortable to essentially uninvite them for Christmas. How close are you and your brother? What sort of relationship do you have with you SIL? I wonder if they might like to stay home for the holiday as well instead of schlepping their 4 kids, baby gear and presents to your house.

Do they ever offer to host? Maybe they might prefer to have you come to them instead?

What about offering a Christmas Eve celebration or something the day after Christmas and say that you are going to do a smaller, low key Christmas day.

[Anonymous]

How about saying you want to keep it small for Christmas and have a Christmas Eve dinner at a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Ditto the restaurant idea. That way everyone gets to see each other, enjoy a meal, exchange gifts and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

From elephant and piggie-

[Anonymous]

Not inviting them at all (if you normally do) would seem like there is something wrong.

I'd do something for Christmas Eve instead.

[Anonymous]

Dinner at a restaurant with four kids under four doesn't really sound like a great idea either. Why don't you have them over for Christmas eve or for brunch on the 26th and keep Christmas day quiet.

[Anonymous]

Teresa? Melissa? Why are you posting on a DC forum all the way from New Jersey!??

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone so terrified/ afraid of FAMILY in situations like this???

OP, I totally get it, even if your dense brother and his wife (who sound like real users, frankly... why are you always hosting?) don't. Just tell them that you and your DH have decided to do Christmas alone this year. Period, no further explanation required.

And by the way, your DH's feelings should count here more than your brothers. It's his home and holiday, too. And I wouldn't want all of that chaos at my Christmas celebration either.

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine with that many children, they would not be relieved to be able to stay home. I would be honest about it, and I bet you might be surprised. It is trickier, since they are close. We live away from family, so when we got sick of traveling home for the holidays, we just said we were staying home.

[Anonymous]

Op here. They want to come over. They have a very small house. We have a very large one. ( no financial difference - we just live out in the burbs and they are in the city)
but my dh is really going to fight me on this........

[Anonymous]

Seriously, just say no. The only reason it is hard is because you feel uncomfortable. I am 100% in your husband's camp. If *you* still want to try to get the families together, invite them for essentially a playdate with presents in the afternoon on Christmas and let your brother and SIL know you are keeping things simple, there will be presents, chips and dip, a cooler for drinks, but NO fancy meal. Or invite them to come on 12/26 for pancakes and presents. Make up a batch of pancake batter, buy some cut fruit, pour some OJ and voila.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. They want to come over. They have a very small house. We have a very large one. ( no financial difference - we just live out in the burbs and they are in the city)but my dh is really going to fight me on this........

That is their choice and their decision.

So what if they "want" to come over? Your DH doesn't want them to. Frankly, I cannot believe that you are even questioning him on this. Doesn't he get a vote? Why is your brother's opinion more valid than your own husband's?

[Anonymous]

I agree w/ those who said you need to let your DH have his quiet Xmas. He puts up w/ the chaos all the other times so let him have this one quiet holiday. If I were him I'd be very hurt and resentful if I conceded all my other holidays but couldn't have this one wish respected.