Professionally successful women intimidate me

[Anonymous]

I have a pretty impressive resume but I am intimidated by pretty, young moms. So it goes both ways. Every day I can imagine them looking down on my clothes, my age, my not so cute face. But I am not ready to I think we all have a tendency to focus on what we lack and maybe we need to find a way to play up what we do have instead.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can see where you are coming from. I would consider myself professionally successful and work in a male dominated industry. To get to where I'm at it has taken confidence, being direct, and very thick skin. I make goals and I reach them. I think this is a personality trait of many business women. I've met a lot of women like myself and there is a common denominator.

I really try hard to dial it down, especially in social circles. I think people are very intimidated by my direct approach (i'm not offensive, as diplomacy is an art I've had to perfect over the years). However, I am not a woman who is passive and who is afraid to speak up. I can carry a conversation with men and women alike and I would definitely say that my self confidence is apparent.

OP, I think you need to work on your self-esteem and self worth. I like the poster to quoted Mr. Rogers. Don't be intimidated, you have a lot to offer and you need to KNOW it. It is unfortunate when people have a lot to offer the world, but don't even know it. It's like running around looking for your sunglasses when they are sitting right on your head the whole time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talking about how cute you are, even on an anonymous forum = obnoxious.

OP - are you in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For PP, I am a new PP and interested in how to tone down the "cute" or "cutesy." I am a 35 year old "cutie" and just can't help it. I look very young for my age. I have a mix of sophisticated and casual/"cute" clothes, but when it comes down to it, my facial features are quite young.

Glasses?
Short mom haircut?
Scowl?

Tell me how to lose the cute so that others take me seriously.

No you're not.

There are 25 year olds who are looking at you wondering....who is the old bag who thinks she's cute? You just haven't realized you're 35 yet.

[Anonymous]

I'm a senior manager at my agency. NONE of the senior managers that are women have children (ZERO). When I went to the first meeting of the parenting organization at my law firm, it was all junior staff and I was very uncomfortable that none of them would want to talk to me, or invite me to the outings that they had. They had all known each other for several years. I vowed I would never go back - finally one of the administrative staff asked me if I was going to come to the pool party that weekend – and since that time – we talk mom stuff. It doesn’t matter what we make, what we wear to work, we’re all just moms.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel ya- my DH is a scientist. I am an older SAHM and my career is long ago and far away (we moved here for his work and I quit simultaneously) So i went from being the major bread earner at the peak of in an exciting 20-yr career to being a SAHM and when we go to his parties, they're filled w/brilliant scientists, many of them moms w/gorgeous kids, many of them young attractive brilliant grad students! Many of them accomplished musicians as well (just our particular crowd). i usually leave early to get home w/kids. Many scientists talk only about Big Important Issues - so i feel like Party Gal w/nothing more to contribute. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Change friends or grow intellectually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change friends or grow intellectually.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just said cute because I thought if I said pretty you might pounce on me. I'm attractive, and I don't act cutesy. And I think teaching is admirable, I just didn't really like it and wasn't good at it. THAT isn't admirable. I do read up on current events, I have opinions...I wasn't really asking about how to make women like me, I was asking for advice on getting over my hangups.

Pay to see a shrink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP first don't get to the point where you put others down for their "accomplishments".

Second, read. That will give you ideas about things that interest you so that you can develop hobbies and so on.

Third, if you are a mom, that IS a job. Do it well, and take pride in it. BIG PRIDE! Talk about things that you like about being a mother. Perhaps help other less fortunate moms.

Fourth, find other women who are like you (in what ever way) and hang with them.

Awesome post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just said cute because I thought if I said pretty you might pounce on me. I'm attractive, and I don't act cutesy. And I think teaching is admirable, I just didn't really like it and wasn't good at it. THAT isn't admirable. I do read up on current events, I have opinions...I wasn't really asking about how to make women like me, I was asking for advice on getting over my hangups.

Pay to see a shrink.

Yup.

More evidence that teachers are among those who receive the lowest SAT scores ...

[Anonymous]

Lots of people are insecure or feel like imposters, including many "professionally successful" women. If you don't naturally brim over with confidence, you've got to fake it 'til you make it! Not that that's easy to do, it's just that it's not a challenge that is unique to SAH moms or teachers or any particular category of people.

[Anonymous]

OP, what do you like to do? I'm thinking beyond your mothering responsibilities.

Whatever it is, make some time for it and engage in it -- whether it's reading or doing something for charity or taking a writers' workshop ... et cetera.

Doing something you love will give you confidence that you're bringing something to the table. Not that you aren't bringing interesting things to the table currently, but this kind of activity will help you get over your intimidation.

[Anonymous]

"What? Why not talk about kids? Hey, I am (was) a professional bigg(ish)-wig and once I had kids I LOVED talking about parenting and child development! "

I think this is a good point. Parenting and child development are two big topics that my friends and I always talk about, and we're all "accomplished" working moms (doctors, lawyers, economists, etc.)

In addition to the suggestions about boning up on current events, and volunteering, how about finding something new to achieve? Running a 1/2 marathon? Co-chairing a community event? Becoming proficient at a new foreign language? There's always something new to learn and become good at doing, and if you focus on that I think you'll build self-esteem and stop feeling insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP first don't get to the point where you put others down for their "accomplishments".

Second, read. That will give you ideas about things that interest you so that you can develop hobbies and so on.

Third, if you are a mom, that IS a job. Do it well, and take pride in it. BIG PRIDE! Talk about things that you like about being a mother. Perhaps help other less fortunate moms.

Fourth, find other women who are like you (in what ever way) and hang with them.

Awesome post.

I agree. Its nice to see that there are some supportive women out there who can post things that do not include:

-see a shrink
-read a newspaper
-you are too old to be cute
-grow intelectually
-you have low SAT scores

What is wrong with you people. Damn you must be some lovely women who are perfect in every way. Too bad thats a lie.