Professionally successful women intimidate me

[Anonymous]

Putting aside looks, what is special about you? Once you can appreciate that, you will have your answer. You said it yourself. It is not about making them like you. What you didn't say is, it is about you liking you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just said cute because I thought if I said pretty you might pounce on me. I'm attractive, and I don't act cutesy. And I think teaching is admirable, I just didn't really like it and wasn't good at it. THAT isn't admirable. I do read up on current events, I have opinions...I wasn't really asking about how to make women like me, I was asking for advice on getting over my hangups.

Focus on something other than yourself. Volunteer. Give back.

[Anonymous]

The best way to get over your hangup is to refocus yourself and appreciate the many things you have to offer.

Take a few minutes to make a list of your positive qualities. What is it that makes you interesting, admirable and likeable?

In making this list, do not focus on your former job or your physical traits. Focus instead on your character. Remind yourself what makes you special and wonderful. What would your closest friends say are your best qualities? What is it about you that they love so much.

Then go out into the world and be that person. Every day! I guarantee you'll find friends who You just have to rediscover them first.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's great advice! I appreciate it, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 31, you might want to consider toning down the "cute" ... it's not such an attractive quality in a woman over 30 who wants people to take her seriously.

At your age, you no longer look "cute", its just how you are portraying yourself more like "cutesy" and this is why you feel intimidated.

Hmmm...your post seems to apply that the professionally successful women cannot also be beautiful. Ummm...a lot of us older, successful women are also pretty or seriously sexy or even 'hot'. The fact that that your age and 'cuteness' are your trump card is what is unattractive. New flash- you will get older and the cuteness will fade. You definitely need to work out a different angle---otherwise ppl might be correct in the 'trophy' wife stereotype. What happens when you are 41 and no longer have youth on your side?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For PP, I am a new PP and interested in how to tone down the "cute" or "cutesy." I am a 35 year old "cutie" and just can't help it. I look very young for my age. I have a mix of sophisticated and casual/"cute" clothes, but when it comes down to it, my facial features are quite young.

Glasses?
Short mom haircut?
Scowl?

Tell me how to lose the cute so that others take me seriously.

"Remember, people can like you EXACTLY as you are." ---Mister Rogers.

[Anonymous]

What a bizarre thread, and I wonder if I know the poster. Pretty textbook cute, former teacher, and with a birthday coming up. If so, I'm one of the professional moms in your group and I don't give a rat's ass about what you've accomplished or not. I think you're pretty nice. I honestly couldn't tell you whether you're smart or not, because I am too busy hoping nobody notices how exhausted I am.

Even if you're not the person I know, you need to just need to own your decisions. There are two ways of looking everything. Either you are a failed teacher or you were successful in knowing you weren't excelling at something you tried on and decided to go for something else.

I don't think anyone is focused on your looks at all. I was pretty darn cute at 31 (and like to think I still am) but still pretty fierce at work.

[Anonymous]

Just remember they fart and poop just like you do. There. We're all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just said cute because I thought if I said pretty you might pounce on me. I'm attractive, and I don't act cutesy. And I think teaching is admirable, I just didn't really like it and wasn't good at it. THAT isn't admirable. I do read up on current events, I have opinions...I wasn't really asking about how to make women like me, I was asking for advice on getting over my hangups.

I'm the poster who gave you that advice, and it was intended to help you get "over your hangups." I didn't get a sense that you felt like you were an inferior mother or wife, but more that you felt "intimidated" (your words) by more "accomplished" women. So the solution to that is to build yourself on that "non-mom/woman of the world" turf. If you make a point to read, think critically and generally engage in the world, you will always feel you can hold your own in any conversation. Just knowing that will give you confidence, because when the conversation shifts from jobs and kids to the latest Booker prize winning novel or whatever, you will have something to say. My mom didn't finish college, was SAH to all us kids, but could hold her own at any diplomatic function rubbing shoulders with some TRULY impressive people (dad was in the Foreign Service) because she had a curious mind and read, read read, listened to the radio, and just absorbed everything around her. To this day she can tell you about some obscure Chinese dissident novelist or give you up to date medical information on just about any condition, or argue politics at the local and federal level. This just who she is, and no one EVER has treated her as my dad's adorable bit of fluff. Even though she was and remains a very good looking woman.

[Anonymous]

OP first don't get to the point where you put others down for their "accomplishments".

Second, read. That will give you ideas about things that interest you so that you can develop hobbies and so on.

Third, if you are a mom, that IS a job. Do it well, and take pride in it. BIG PRIDE! Talk about things that you like about being a mother. Perhaps help other less fortunate moms.

Fourth, find other women who are like you (in what ever way) and hang with them.

[Anonymous]

Question for you OP: why did you use the term trophy wife? And you also noted that you married a very accomplished man. Did you marry someone significantly older than you? Because if that's the case - and you were a mid 20s cutie who married an older accomplished guy, then quit working and stayed home with kids - I can see why you may be experiencing a disconnect with women who followed a different path. It can be tough to feel comfortable in a social group where experiences significantly differ.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, I have met many women like you at my husband's work functions. My husband is older than I am and a very accomplished executive. I am a practicing lawyer. I work FT and we have children. Some women are personable and ask about our kids my job and I ask about their kids and job if they have one. I am perpetually redoing something in our house so I always ask people if they have put in wood floors recently or redid a deck or whatever so that I can collect recommendations for good home improvement companies. Our kids are usually older than other people's in these gatherings -- I am happy to share information on camps, schools, activities, etc.

Some women are not personable. Some are simply shy and perhaps feel insecure like it seems you might feel. If I am getting shy and insecure, I usually keep trying. Most times I am able to find some common ground to talk about. Other times, women aren't personable and are just downright mean. I excuse myself to refresh my drink and don't come back in those conversations.

It is a silly old saying, but, if you want to make a friend you have to be a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is a silly old saying, but, if you want to make a friend you have to be a friend.

this. It is this simple.

[Anonymous]

What? Why not talk about kids? Hey, I am (was) a professional bigg(ish)-wig and once I had kids I LOVED talking about parenting and child development! Hell, raising children is the most important and most challenging job I've ever had. No, I'm not kidding. I've never had to so clearly face my own limitations every day... patience, wisdom, humility, wit and out-wit, and did I mention patience?

I wasn't always so good at it. There was a stretch when I apologized almost daily to my kids for a parenting mistake. Seriously humbing.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think a lot of so-called professionally successful women are quite lonely. We don't really have the opportunity to make friends at work, just comrade-type relationships, mostly with men. Most social meet ups occur during the work day. Most mom groups ditto. Weekends are spent with our kids. Nights we are exhausted. I don't have much of a social life. I would love to expand my ever dwindling social circle, and I'm not about to look down on women for what they do/don't do for a living. As for discussing lofty intellectual subjects -- huh?