What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

[Anonymous]

650 MegaHZ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

My marriage is sexless and I despise her for it. So, not all rosy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we talking PIV or other stuff?

My wife has lost much interest in PIV, mainly due to hormonal and biological changes as we entered our late 40s. But she still enjoys intimacy and recognizes my desire for a sex life. Fortunately for me, she offers and initiates oral sex multiple times per week. We are both happy with the arrangement. As others have said, it is an important part of our relationship but not nearly the only thing.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't base a decision to stay or go based on frequency, but rather how is the couple addressing the situation where one wants/enjoys sex so much more than the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sexless marriage (I'm the xW, xH did not want sex with me). At the time, I would have settled for 2x a month, even though I would have preferred 2-3x a week.

Now, I think it's less about frequency and more about enthusiasm. I never want to be in a relationship where I have to issue an ultimatum for a minimum. I want someone who *wants* to have sex with me. If I have to negotiate, it's already over, let's just move on and sleep with other people.

Once per week where everyone is enthusiastic and wants to be there is better than 3 times per week where the other person would rather be doing anything else.

I agree with you.
My experience too is that not having sex also comes with not otherwise touching, flirting, or making each other laugh.

I don’t know that I need a certain amount of intercourse, but I do need a general feeling that we are in a romantic/sexual relationship in order to feel happy in my marriage.

Funny, I need the feeling that we are in a romantic relationship to want to have sex. Just kid/house logistics, an episode of Netflix and sex on the to-do list is such a turnoff for me.

Currently we do it once a week, I think it's the minimum my spouse can accept and the max I can without much other adult alone time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sexless marriage (I'm the xW, xH did not want sex with me). At the time, I would have settled for 2x a month, even though I would have preferred 2-3x a week.

Now, I think it's less about frequency and more about enthusiasm. I never want to be in a relationship where I have to issue an ultimatum for a minimum. I want someone who *wants* to have sex with me. If I have to negotiate, it's already over, let's just move on and sleep with other people.

Once per week where everyone is enthusiastic and wants to be there is better than 3 times per week where the other person would rather be doing anything else.

I agree with you.
My experience too is that not having sex also comes with not otherwise touching, flirting, or making each other laugh.

I don’t know that I need a certain amount of intercourse, but I do need a general feeling that we are in a romantic/sexual relationship in order to feel happy in my marriage.

Funny, I need the feeling that we are in a romantic relationship to want to have sex. Just kid/house logistics, an episode of Netflix and sex on the to-do list is such a turnoff for me.

Currently we do it once a week, I think it's the minimum my spouse can accept and the max I can without much other adult alone time.

Yup. This “men need sex to have romantic feelings” and “women need intimacy to have sex” conundrum is tired AF. Men go their whole lives expecting to get what they want for existing and get resentful when they put zero effort into their relationship and think their partner’s body will somehow respond to them. Well, mine responds by building feelings of disgust. You don’t even like me, why would I F you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sexless marriage (I'm the xW, xH did not want sex with me). At the time, I would have settled for 2x a month, even though I would have preferred 2-3x a week.

Now, I think it's less about frequency and more about enthusiasm. I never want to be in a relationship where I have to issue an ultimatum for a minimum. I want someone who *wants* to have sex with me. If I have to negotiate, it's already over, let's just move on and sleep with other people.

Once per week where everyone is enthusiastic and wants to be there is better than 3 times per week where the other person would rather be doing anything else.

I agree with you.
My experience too is that not having sex also comes with not otherwise touching, flirting, or making each other laugh.

I don’t know that I need a certain amount of intercourse, but I do need a general feeling that we are in a romantic/sexual relationship in order to feel happy in my marriage.

Funny, I need the feeling that we are in a romantic relationship to want to have sex. Just kid/house logistics, an episode of Netflix and sex on the to-do list is such a turnoff for me.

Currently we do it once a week, I think it's the minimum my spouse can accept and the max I can without much other adult alone time.

Yup. This “men need sex to have romantic feelings” and “women need intimacy to have sex” conundrum is tired AF. Men go their whole lives expecting to get what they want for existing and get resentful when they put zero effort into their relationship and think their partner’s body will somehow respond to them. Well, mine responds by building feelings of disgust. You don’t even like me, why would I F you?

Well, if it makes you feel better, there is at least one guy on this thread who is doing all of the romantic stuff: hugging, kissing, talking about emotions, and his wife still hasn’t had sex with him in years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

Fascinating. We have the relational intimacy (conversations, deep talks, favorite meals, etc.) But we rarely hug, kiss, or give massages outside of foreplay for sex which happens frequently. To me, those things are interrelated. If my husband rubs my back while I’m making dinner, I know definitively he would like to have sex that night.

That's sounds depressing to me. So unless you are having sex that day, there's no physical touching or affection at all? Do you have sex daily or almost daily? Because if it's just once or twice a week, that's so many days without physical affection.

Most of our physical affection is totally separate from our sex life. We hug each other throughout the day as a form of comfort or support. For instance this week we had an issue with our DC that I handled but it was incredibly draining and emotional -- there were lots of hugs over that because DH knew I was going through it. We also kids in the morning and in the evening pretty much every day and these rarely lead to sex. The morning kisses never do. We give back and foot rubs at the end of the day when we're on the couch talking stuff through. This could lead to sex but often doesn't.

I don't think I could have sex more frequently than we do, but I'd be devastated if that meant no physical affection on the days we don't have sex. I feel about physical affection the way some posters on here feel about sex -- it's an essential part of daily life in a relationship, and without it we're just roommates or coworkers.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a revelation. This forum usually has people believing that everyone is setting the sheets on fire 24/7 regardless of age or length of marriage z

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

Fascinating. We have the relational intimacy (conversations, deep talks, favorite meals, etc.) But we rarely hug, kiss, or give massages outside of foreplay for sex which happens frequently. To me, those things are interrelated. If my husband rubs my back while I’m making dinner, I know definitively he would like to have sex that night.

That's sounds depressing to me. So unless you are having sex that day, there's no physical touching or affection at all? Do you have sex daily or almost daily? Because if it's just once or twice a week, that's so many days without physical affection.

Most of our physical affection is totally separate from our sex life. We hug each other throughout the day as a form of comfort or support. For instance this week we had an issue with our DC that I handled but it was incredibly draining and emotional -- there were lots of hugs over that because DH knew I was going through it. We also kids in the morning and in the evening pretty much every day and these rarely lead to sex. The morning kisses never do. We give back and foot rubs at the end of the day when we're on the couch talking stuff through. This could lead to sex but often doesn't.

I don't think I could have sex more frequently than we do, but I'd be devastated if that meant no physical affection on the days we don't have sex. I feel about physical affection the way some posters on here feel about sex -- it's an essential part of daily life in a relationship, and without it we're just roommates or coworkers.

NP. I have a friend in a happy marriage that has been sexless for at least a decade—her choice. She told me that one of the great things about it is that she knows her DH is being sincerely affectionate when he rubs her back, gives her a hug, or wants to snuggle on the couch. I do envy that. DH and I still have sex twice a week in our fifties, which we both enjoy, but I hate knowing that hugs, etc. virtually always are a signal of his intentions for the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

Fascinating. We have the relational intimacy (conversations, deep talks, favorite meals, etc.) But we rarely hug, kiss, or give massages outside of foreplay for sex which happens frequently. To me, those things are interrelated. If my husband rubs my back while I’m making dinner, I know definitively he would like to have sex that night.

That's sounds depressing to me. So unless you are having sex that day, there's no physical touching or affection at all? Do you have sex daily or almost daily? Because if it's just once or twice a week, that's so many days without physical affection.

Most of our physical affection is totally separate from our sex life. We hug each other throughout the day as a form of comfort or support. For instance this week we had an issue with our DC that I handled but it was incredibly draining and emotional -- there were lots of hugs over that because DH knew I was going through it. We also kids in the morning and in the evening pretty much every day and these rarely lead to sex. The morning kisses never do. We give back and foot rubs at the end of the day when we're on the couch talking stuff through. This could lead to sex but often doesn't.

I don't think I could have sex more frequently than we do, but I'd be devastated if that meant no physical affection on the days we don't have sex. I feel about physical affection the way some posters on here feel about sex -- it's an essential part of daily life in a relationship, and without it we're just roommates or coworkers.

NP. I have a friend in a happy marriage that has been sexless for at least a decade—her choice. She told me that one of the great things about it is that she knows her DH is being sincerely affectionate when he rubs her back, gives her a hug, or wants to snuggle on the couch. I do envy that. DH and I still have sex twice a week in our fifties, which we both enjoy, but I hate knowing that hugs, etc. virtually always are a signal of his intentions for the evening.

Translation: “I hate knowing that he’s being affectionate because he’s in love with me, is strongly attracted to me, and wants to show it by having sex with me.”

What????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

I wonder if this guy is on this forum wondering why his wife hasn’t slept with him in two years. I never believed those men were still emotionally intimate and good partners before now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't sex since 2019 and I'm still here.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

Haven’t had sex with their spouses or sex at all?

As a guy who is surrounded by gorgeous early 50s women who'd I would LOVE to bone, this is very depresssing.