What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

[Anonymous]

1x/week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

Fascinating. We have the relational intimacy (conversations, deep talks, favorite meals, etc.) But we rarely hug, kiss, or give massages outside of foreplay for sex which happens frequently. To me, those things are interrelated. If my husband rubs my back while I’m making dinner, I know definitively he would like to have sex that night.

That's sounds depressing to me. So unless you are having sex that day, there's no physical touching or affection at all? Do you have sex daily or almost daily? Because if it's just once or twice a week, that's so many days without physical affection.

Most of our physical affection is totally separate from our sex life. We hug each other throughout the day as a form of comfort or support. For instance this week we had an issue with our DC that I handled but it was incredibly draining and emotional -- there were lots of hugs over that because DH knew I was going through it. We also kids in the morning and in the evening pretty much every day and these rarely lead to sex. The morning kisses never do. We give back and foot rubs at the end of the day when we're on the couch talking stuff through. This could lead to sex but often doesn't.

I don't think I could have sex more frequently than we do, but I'd be devastated if that meant no physical affection on the days we don't have sex. I feel about physical affection the way some posters on here feel about sex -- it's an essential part of daily life in a relationship, and without it we're just roommates or coworkers.

DP: No two people are exactly alike. Some people need touching, some are OK with touching - frequency varies, some are repelled by it. If you put a "needs hourly touching" person with a "repelled by touching" person, you will have problems: one called needy, the other called cold. Whereas, two touchy people or two hands-off people together would each say they have a perfect healthy relationship that makes both happy. So you need not be "depressed" for people who are pefectly happy just because their preference is different from yours.

[Anonymous]

Asking the question shows OP does not 'get' what marriage is acutally all about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking the question shows OP does not 'get' what marriage is acutally all about.

OP is so lazy. I wish people would ignore the contextless questions they ask multiple times per day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

I wonder if this guy is on this forum wondering why his wife hasn’t slept with him in two years. I never believed those men were still emotionally intimate and good partners before now.

It sounds like her DH is just low drive sounds like they are well matched. Alternatively, he is the guy who is secretly resentful, but hasn’t given up yet and keeps trying and is trying to keep her happy. Alternatively, again, maybe he is gay. I do believe that most heterosexual men associate being physical affectionate with sex in a way that most women do not.

[Anonymous]

We haven't had sex in years. I'm the DH. I miss having sex with her, but the relationship is terrible and I don't like interacting with her. So it's hard to get to sex when talking with the other person sucks.

We've stay together primarily because of health issues and a severely disabled kid who would be very difficult to care for in separate households.

[Anonymous]

DH here- I am 52 and prefer every day, she is 48 and likes 2-3 times per week.

I would not leave due to lack of sex, but she would need to be loving and appreciative of me in general. As long as there is no cheating and porn doesn’t count as cheating, we are good.

[Anonymous]

0

I stay purely for financial reasons at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

WOW- 51 year old

[Anonymous]

None. Sex isn’t that important to me.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t put a minimum number on it. It’s quality not quantity that’s important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t put a minimum number on it. It’s quality not quantity that’s important to me.

I think most women would agree with you. For a lot of men any sex is quality sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t put a minimum number on it. It’s quality not quantity that’s important to me.

I agree with you. My husband is extremely attentive to meeting my needs so once a week with him would beat three times a week with a rutting dog. Of course a shower quickie now and then is fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t put a minimum number on it. It’s quality not quantity that’s important to me.

I agree with you. My husband is extremely attentive to meeting my needs so once a week with him would beat three times a week with a rutting dog. Of course a shower quickie now and then is fun.

In the shower I can soap up my husband and he can’t last a minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

Fascinating. We have the relational intimacy (conversations, deep talks, favorite meals, etc.) But we rarely hug, kiss, or give massages outside of foreplay for sex which happens frequently. To me, those things are interrelated. If my husband rubs my back while I’m making dinner, I know definitively he would like to have sex that night.

That's sounds depressing to me. So unless you are having sex that day, there's no physical touching or affection at all? Do you have sex daily or almost daily? Because if it's just once or twice a week, that's so many days without physical affection.

Most of our physical affection is totally separate from our sex life. We hug each other throughout the day as a form of comfort or support. For instance this week we had an issue with our DC that I handled but it was incredibly draining and emotional -- there were lots of hugs over that because DH knew I was going through it. We also kids in the morning and in the evening pretty much every day and these rarely lead to sex. The morning kisses never do. We give back and foot rubs at the end of the day when we're on the couch talking stuff through. This could lead to sex but often doesn't.

I don't think I could have sex more frequently than we do, but I'd be devastated if that meant no physical affection on the days we don't have sex. I feel about physical affection the way some posters on here feel about sex -- it's an essential part of daily life in a relationship, and without it we're just roommates or coworkers.

I agree re physical affection. My husband is not very affectionate and I’ve had to be really clear: it’s not negotiable. I need to be hugged multiple times a day. We have sex frequently which I enjoy but hugs, kisses etc. are the foundational to our relationship and my happiness.