What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

I'm a PP saying that the wife can't opt out and I agree with you 100% on all in bold. Male friends who complain about not enough sex, I ask them the exact same questions. And I tell them that it is their job *either with their own effort or by hiring help* to cover all of the above. In my house, that looked like part time nanny when the kids were little, me working full time plus cooking way more, getting my wife the best possible medical care and nutrition, expensive gym membership, and not pushing her to be in the workforce (which she was not: again, I got it covered). End result is I got laid. If my friends won't do the same, I tell them I have no sympathy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

I'm a PP saying that the wife can't opt out and I agree with you 100% on all in bold. Male friends who complain about not enough sex, I ask them the exact same questions. And I tell them that it is their job *either with their own effort or by hiring help* to cover all of the above. In my house, that looked like part time nanny when the kids were little, me working full time plus cooking way more, getting my wife the best possible medical care and nutrition, expensive gym membership, and not pushing her to be in the workforce (which she was not: again, I got it covered). End result is I got laid. If my friends won't do the same, I tell them I have no sympathy for them.

And most people genuinely can't afford any of that and the couple is just getting by and sex is the thing that falls by the wayside. The people in this thread saying that totally unacceptable are not getting that expecting sex to take precedence over everything else, especially during life changes that impact libido, how physically pleasurable sex is, and overall energy, is just selfish. To everything there is a season, and menopause/kids in MS, HS, heading to college/peak earning years are not the sex season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

I'm a PP saying that the wife can't opt out and I agree with you 100% on all in bold. Male friends who complain about not enough sex, I ask them the exact same questions. And I tell them that it is their job *either with their own effort or by hiring help* to cover all of the above. In my house, that looked like part time nanny when the kids were little, me working full time plus cooking way more, getting my wife the best possible medical care and nutrition, expensive gym membership, and not pushing her to be in the workforce (which she was not: again, I got it covered). End result is I got laid. If my friends won't do the same, I tell them I have no sympathy for them.

🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

I'm a PP saying that the wife can't opt out and I agree with you 100% on all in bold. Male friends who complain about not enough sex, I ask them the exact same questions. And I tell them that it is their job *either with their own effort or by hiring help* to cover all of the above. In my house, that looked like part time nanny when the kids were little, me working full time plus cooking way more, getting my wife the best possible medical care and nutrition, expensive gym membership, and not pushing her to be in the workforce (which she was not: again, I got it covered). End result is I got laid. If my friends won't do the same, I tell them I have no sympathy for them.

And most people genuinely can't afford any of that and the couple is just getting by and sex is the thing that falls by the wayside. The people in this thread saying that totally unacceptable are not getting that expecting sex to take precedence over everything else, especially during life changes that impact libido, how physically pleasurable sex is, and overall energy, is just selfish. To everything there is a season, and menopause/kids in MS, HS, heading to college/peak earning years are not the sex season.

Well yeah. Step 1 to anything in this world is always "don't be poor". But I really don't earn that high. We just prioritized. And I'll be in the workforce 10 or 15 years longer than if I had pushed my wife to stay in, get burned out, and settled for no sex.

[Anonymous]

that’s just it though isn’t it men never want to make a reasonable compromise. It is always the woman who has to compromise her mental emotional and physical health. The fact that women are waking up to the fact that they do not and should not do that is causing some men to get very, very angry and lash out.

Both partners should compromise, which means yes sometimes having sex even if you’re not 100% into it with your partner, but it also means that if you want it at a greater frequency than what your spouse is able to mentally physically or emotionally give you then I suggest you invest in some sex toys and porn. If the only reason you were with your spouse is to get routine sex, then that is not really a relationship built on much and will easily crumble when the sex life ebbs. But if you have a relationship or you honestly enjoy your spouse and love them. Sex is only one small part of that relationship.. there are weeks. My husband does more to help out around the house than other weeks because his energy and time at home fluctuates depending on work at times. I don’t demand he’s at home by 5 PM every single night that would be ridiculous. Just like if he demanded I had sex. Four times a week would be ridiculous. We both work outside the house and do our best to prioritize what we can each week sometimes that is sex and sometimes it is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that’s just it though isn’t it men never want to make a reasonable compromise. It is always the woman who has to compromise her mental emotional and physical health. The fact that women are waking up to the fact that they do not and should not do that is causing some men to get very, very angry and lash out.

Both partners should compromise, which means yes sometimes having sex even if you’re not 100% into it with your partner, but it also means that if you want it at a greater frequency than what your spouse is able to mentally physically or emotionally give you then I suggest you invest in some sex toys and porn. If the only reason you were with your spouse is to get routine sex, then that is not really a relationship built on much and will easily crumble when the sex life ebbs. But if you have a relationship or you honestly enjoy your spouse and love them. Sex is only one small part of that relationship.. there are weeks. My husband does more to help out around the house than other weeks because his energy and time at home fluctuates depending on work at times. I don’t demand he’s at home by 5 PM every single night that would be ridiculous. Just like if he demanded I had sex. Four times a week would be ridiculous. We both work outside the house and do our best to prioritize what we can each week sometimes that is sex and sometimes it is not.

Love that for you, I guess. Not something I'll be recommending to anybody.

[Anonymous]

Minimum I think is 1x on average.
I also am horny in the afternoons, which doesn’t really help since neither of us are home at that time. Perhaps that will shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We haven't sex since 2019 and I'm still here.

I beat you by 2 years. Spouse completely lost interest since 2017

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Well then it is your responsibility to fix those issues instead of expecting your spouse to simply be “understanding”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? A now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

Never mind the logistics of sex on a cross, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

I'm a PP saying that the wife can't opt out and I agree with you 100% on all in bold. Male friends who complain about not enough sex, I ask them the exact same questions. And I tell them that it is their job *either with their own effort or by hiring help* to cover all of the above. In my house, that looked like part time nanny when the kids were little, me working full time plus cooking way more, getting my wife the best possible medical care and nutrition, expensive gym membership, and not pushing her to be in the workforce (which she was not: again, I got it covered). End result is I got laid. If my friends won't do the same, I tell them I have no sympathy for them.

And most people genuinely can't afford any of that and the couple is just getting by and sex is the thing that falls by the wayside. The people in this thread saying that totally unacceptable are not getting that expecting sex to take precedence over everything else, especially during life changes that impact libido, how physically pleasurable sex is, and overall energy, is just selfish. To everything there is a season, and menopause/kids in MS, HS, heading to college/peak earning years are not the sex season.

Literally no one is saying that.

The fact that that’s all you’re hearing is revealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

Your poor husband!
So glad I'm not married or even around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner couldn’t or didn’t have any drive due to an injury or disease process, I’d be pretty forgiving.

what about normal aging ? Menopause frequently comes with loss of libido and painful sex.

Please read previous posts. PIV is not the only way. No one on here is advocating painful sex. At all.

Loss of libido impacts all kinds of sex. Menopause can also cause physical changes that can make people not want as much physical contact in general, impact mood including causing irritability, impact sleep and energy levels, and cause shifts in weight and bodily appearance that can impact a person's feelings about being intimate.

But if you have kids, this is just the flip side to the fertility that enabled your kids to exist. And the woman going through it is often still parenting and working, which compounds the above issues because society expects women in this phase of life to operate as though it's not happening at all.

And then on top of that, you want this woman to be prioritizing her partner's sex drive, finding creative ways around the fact that she has no interest in sex and/or the fact that sex is painful? How is this woman being supported to give her the time and energy to do this? Is someone else cooking and cleaning and making sure homework is done and helping kids with college applications and doing all her admin at work? Is she getting plenty of time for doctor appointments and physical therapy? Is someone facilitating ensuring her nutrition is optimizing her health during menopause, that she is getting exercise that will help her maintain bone density and energy? Or is she doing all that herself too, still sacrificing her free time and her own health in service to her family and her job? An now she is supposed to take the precious time she has when work is done and kids are in bed to, what? Come up with some fun new sexual activities? Babe, no. You have hands? Put 'em to work. Your boner is not her job.

That's what sex amounts to: stimulating genital parts and releasing semen?

If this is satisfying for your spouse, you don't have a sex problem because he never desired you in the first place.