What would be the minimum frequency of sex to stay in your relationship / marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

Haven’t had sex with their spouses or sex at all?

None. I was surprised by a friend's admission that it had been a decade since she and her spouse have had sex and started asking other friends. I've had some interesting conversations recently . Also have friends who do it 4 times/year.

[Anonymous]

I will have it every day, multiple times a day. Currently, I get about 2-3 times a week. Def. want more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

Bet that number is a lot higher.

Could be. There are only a certain subset of friends I feel comfortable asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sexless marriage (I'm the xW, xH did not want sex with me). At the time, I would have settled for 2x a month, even though I would have preferred 2-3x a week.

Now, I think it's less about frequency and more about enthusiasm. I never want to be in a relationship where I have to issue an ultimatum for a minimum. I want someone who *wants* to have sex with me. If I have to negotiate, it's already over, let's just move on and sleep with other people.

Once per week where everyone is enthusiastic and wants to be there is better than 3 times per week where the other person would rather be doing anything else.

I agree with you.
My experience too is that not having sex also comes with not otherwise touching, flirting, or making each other laugh.

I don’t know that I need a certain amount of intercourse, but I do need a general feeling that we are in a romantic/sexual relationship in order to feel happy in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

[Anonymous]

Are we talking PIV or other stuff?

[Anonymous]

I could go without sex forever with them. Abuse is such a sex killer.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t leave over sex alone, as long as the relationship was still loving and respectful. But barring a medical issue, those things usually go hand in hand with an active sex life. We are currently mid 40’s/married 20 years and have sex 2-3x a week. It was less often when the kids were younger.

[Anonymous]

I’d stay with 0 but I wouldn’t stay faithful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s reassuring to see so many happy sexless marriages.

I'm glad, I think people should talk about it more. There are lots of marriages where both people's drive declines and sex just tapers off and no one is mad about it.

I'm the person who upthread said we haven't had sex since 2024. It had been tapering off a lot prior to that. But I also want to note we are still very physically affectionate and emotionally intimate. We talked every day, we give back rubs and hugs, we kiss multiple times a day, we talk about deep stuff about hour families, our kids, our careers, and our mental health. We care for each other in other ways (making favorite meals for one another, letting each other sleep in when we have had a rough week, little gifts, etc.). We are very, very important to each other and he's definitely my biggest emotional support right now in life and I his.

We also haven't closed the door on sex. It's just not a priority for either of us right now. We've had other stuff going on. In the evenings, I'd say our biggest priority at the moment is sleep.

Fascinating. We have the relational intimacy (conversations, deep talks, favorite meals, etc.) But we rarely hug, kiss, or give massages outside of foreplay for sex which happens frequently. To me, those things are interrelated. If my husband rubs my back while I’m making dinner, I know definitively he would like to have sex that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sexless marriage (I'm the xW, xH did not want sex with me). At the time, I would have settled for 2x a month, even though I would have preferred 2-3x a week.

Now, I think it's less about frequency and more about enthusiasm. I never want to be in a relationship where I have to issue an ultimatum for a minimum. I want someone who *wants* to have sex with me. If I have to negotiate, it's already over, let's just move on and sleep with other people.

Once per week where everyone is enthusiastic and wants to be there is better than 3 times per week where the other person would rather be doing anything else.

I agree with you.
My experience too is that not having sex also comes with not otherwise touching, flirting, or making each other laugh.

I don’t know that I need a certain amount of intercourse, but I do need a general feeling that we are in a romantic/sexual relationship in order to feel happy in my marriage.

I also agree with the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

Ditto. Extremely common

I really think this is false. Why stay together? Many 50-somethings I know are empty nesters and living like newlyweds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

Ditto. Extremely common

I really think this is false. Why stay together? Many 50-somethings I know are empty nesters and living like newlyweds

Life is more than sex. I love my spouse and we have a very happy marriage. It just doesn't involve sex. I'm not going to give that up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A third of my married friends (early fifties) haven’t had sex in years.

Ditto. Extremely common

I really think this is false. Why stay together? Many 50-somethings I know are empty nesters and living like newlyweds

This isn’t my situation but: because they’re a team, because they are raising/raised kids together, because they enjoy each other’s companionship.