what schools DON'T have female MS grads in white dresses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it. I went to a super crunchy middle school and then a traditional boarding school (in the NE), and they both did the same thing. Girls could wear anything white though, as long as it was event appropriate. I think I wore a flow-y pants suit or something. You also were totally allowed to follow the boys' color scheme if you wanted, it just wasn't all that common. This was obviously awhile ago, so I'd guess the traditions are even less stringent now.

Both of my DSs graduated from NE boarding schools pretty recently. Everyone had to follow same dress code, gendered. But pick your favorite flavor and go for it.


MS graduations are dumb anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t know the white dresses was a thing (not where I grew up and did Catholic K-8, public HS and big college state school), but I’ve seen a lot of it lately at all graduation levels. Maybe the tradition is actually making a comeback?

I don’t necessarily assume the negative. So it symbolizes purity, but did you not wear a white wedding dress? What did you think you were symbolizing with that? Women also wore white during the suffragist movement and now female leaders often wear it. It’s also just an easy color for cohesion.

Op here - I am from out west and similarly think that this is not as much of a thing in some parts of the country. It seems like it’s much more prevalent around here and in the northeast, both at super traditional prep schools and at Catholic and Episcopal schools. I think the people on here who are saying it is universal or from the south or northeast. But I also share your feeling that maybe becoming more prevalent. In any case, I really love recasting White as a suffrage thing, because you’re right a lot of female leaders do wear it now and they rock it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seeing a friend's pictures on social media of Norwood 8th grade graduation today, and the girls-in-white-dresses thing is not sitting right. I get that it's a private school tradition in these parts, and I generally love traditions, including dressing up for occasions, etc, but this one just feels off in this day and age. Do people explain the tradition of dressing teen girls in white to their DDs or just hope no one asks??

This is probably sticking in my craw particuarly because we have been thinking of applying to Norwood for MS (from a public ES) and it seems great in so many ways, but this debutante dress color thing just underscores my one or two deeper concerns about the place--that it's too country club/cotillion for us, and also kind of old fashioned wrt gender. Making kids dress "boy or girl" even on one day just feels weirdly at odds with what everyone claims to be about nowadays.

I can understand having a dress code so that things look special, but can't it be more along the lines of orchestra dress codes, where they say "black pants/skirt and white shirt OR black dress"? So the graduation version could be: "pants + jacket/white shirt OR dress, if dress please choose white or school color" or some such?

What if any schools have moved onto something a little more 21st century?

Maybe the issue is that it’s really not “everyone” who is “at odds with” girls being girls and boys being boys, but rather just people in your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seeing a friend's pictures on social media of Norwood 8th grade graduation today, and the girls-in-white-dresses thing is not sitting right. I get that it's a private school tradition in these parts, and I generally love traditions, including dressing up for occasions, etc, but this one just feels off in this day and age. Do people explain the tradition of dressing teen girls in white to their DDs or just hope no one asks??

This is probably sticking in my craw particuarly because we have been thinking of applying to Norwood for MS (from a public ES) and it seems great in so many ways, but this debutante dress color thing just underscores my one or two deeper concerns about the place--that it's too country club/cotillion for us, and also kind of old fashioned wrt gender. Making kids dress "boy or girl" even on one day just feels weirdly at odds with what everyone claims to be about nowadays.

I can understand having a dress code so that things look special, but can't it be more along the lines of orchestra dress codes, where they say "black pants/skirt and white shirt OR black dress"? So the graduation version could be: "pants + jacket/white shirt OR dress, if dress please choose white or school color" or some such?

What if any schools have moved onto something a little more 21st century?

K-12s tend to save it for HS graduation. It's just a color scheme. At our school the girls wear white dresses and the boys wear white pants and blazers. It is the only time most of the boys ever wear white pants. It's just a tradition. I think you may be reading too much into it.

+1
That’s the hs graduation at our k-12, too. OP don’t go borrowing trouble. You are reading too much into this. Our school has been around for over 100 years. It means nothing more than it’s the dress code for graduation and makes for nice photos. The boys receive a school tie to wear, and the girls receive a necklace. If a girl wants to wear the boy tradition of a navy blazer and white pants, she is welcome to. I am sure a boy could also wear a white dress, but I have yet to see it. These kids have worked their tails off and already had their pre-union and welcome into the alumni society. Now they are happy to have their class photo join the wall of over a hundred other classes. Don’t read any more into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Part of what I am reacting to in the Norwood photos is that there isn’t any deviation from “boys in blue jackets girls in white dresses” that I can see. If there was even one girl in a blue jacket or white pant suit I would find it so much less repelling.

We go to another K-8th in the area that does white dress and blue jackets. Two years ago a girl wore something different. I don't remember if it was a white suit or a blue jacket. Just because you don't see one for this year, don't assume it isn't allowed. There may just not have been girls that wanted to do something different this year, but that doesn't mean it is not allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I 100% agree with you.

It’s weird.

It’s also one thing if a lot of girls wear white because it’s a cultural tradition, and another thing altogether when the school asks girls to wear white.

My kids old school (St Stephen’s St Agnes) does this and it was part of a broader trend of having very rigid ideas about what boys and girls should look like. Lots of private schools don’t do this (Burke, Field, WIS, GDS) or you see it very minimally depending on the class (Sidwell, Maret). Someone can correct me if I’m wrong about any of these but I did look into it because it really is often linked to old-school attitudes about gender.

SSSAS now still requires all white but it doesn’t have to be a dress (there have been flowy slacks/jumpsuits in the last couple years, for example) OR white pants/navy blazer combo. Yes, I think so far all the boys have chosen to wear white pants and navy blazer, including a transgender male student. Several AFAB students (some of whom still use female pronouns, some who use gender-neutral pronouns) have opted for all white but not dresses.

The US choir also has a concert uniform with pants and button down shirt for any alto or soprano who wants it rather than the long concert dress.

[Anonymous]

At Congressional’s k-8, the students just have to dress nicely. As of several years ago they dropped the requirement that girls wear dresses and boys wear pants/blazers or suits. The girls never had to wear white; the dresses were all colors. The boys never had to wear white and navy. Most girls still wear dresses but not all. In DC’s year, one boys was in a snazzy plaid suit and fancy hat. OP, you might like that better. The students have pretty much full range of agency to choose as long as the outfit can be described as appropriate for a special occasion (jeans aren’t gonna cut it).

[Anonymous]

Here is a thought. Find a place to send your child that works with your values. Traditions mean a great deal to some of us. The white dresses aren't hurting anyone. Why can't people chose if they want to be traditional or not?

[Anonymous]

When I graduated from Madeira in the early 2000s I had to get my white dress approved. We legit wore wedding dresses. In retrospect it was SO ICK.

[Anonymous]

My kids go to a PK-8th. The school just requires nice dress for graduation. This year's girls have all agreed to wear white. They see it as tradition. Looking back at pictures from the past couple years the vast vast majority of girls wear white. I also noticed that while boys are not required to wear a coat or blazer almost every boy does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kids private there is no official dress code set by the school but all the girls agreed to wear white dresses. I had never heard of it, so I don’t have any associations with it. It seemed a bit weird but whatever

Our K-12 does a sixth grade promotion and nothing for 8th. The 6th graders were expressly told that the girls did not have to wear white dresses, but everyone did anyway. The boys were much more varied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I 100% agree with you.

It’s weird.

It’s also one thing if a lot of girls wear white because it’s a cultural tradition, and another thing altogether when the school asks girls to wear white.

My kids old school (St Stephen’s St Agnes) does this and it was part of a broader trend of having very rigid ideas about what boys and girls should look like. Lots of private schools don’t do this (Burke, Field, WIS, GDS) or you see it very minimally depending on the class (Sidwell, Maret). Someone can correct me if I’m wrong about any of these but I did look into it because it really is often linked to old-school attitudes about gender.

SSSAS now still requires all white but it doesn’t have to be a dress (there have been flowy slacks/jumpsuits in the last couple years, for example) OR white pants/navy blazer combo. Yes, I think so far all the boys have chosen to wear white pants and navy blazer, including a transgender male student. Several AFAB students (some of whom still use female pronouns, some who use gender-neutral pronouns) have opted for all white but not dresses.

The US choir also has a concert uniform with pants and button down shirt for any alto or soprano who wants it rather than the long concert dress.

Ugh, I thought most of this discussion was about the tradition of girls wearing white, but actually requiring it is definitely a very conservative choice!

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't see what is the problem with white dresses? White dresses are happy and summery, crisp and new and joyful, just like the girls/boys. A white dress is sophisticated as well, but without the somber note of a black one. They remind me of pictures and paintings my grandma used to have in her summer house on the Cape of men and women dressed in "summer whites" to play and enjoy themselves for the season.

It's gross that you seem to be insinuating that the white graduation dresses are somehow linked to wedding dresses or something more insidious. Summer whites have been a tradition for a long, long time, for both men and women, and young girls wearing white dresses for summer graduation really does not strike me as disturbing at all.

Would it bother you if you saw me wearing my favorite white linen dress at the grocery store or wherever? Should I trade in all light colors for black, brown, or navy, and do the same for my daughter?

I think it's OK for young girls to feel happy and pretty in their white dresses for summer, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I 100% agree with you.

It’s weird.

It’s also one thing if a lot of girls wear white because it’s a cultural tradition, and another thing altogether when the school asks girls to wear white.

My kids old school (St Stephen’s St Agnes) does this and it was part of a broader trend of having very rigid ideas about what boys and girls should look like. Lots of private schools don’t do this (Burke, Field, WIS, GDS) or you see it very minimally depending on the class (Sidwell, Maret). Someone can correct me if I’m wrong about any of these but I did look into it because it really is often linked to old-school attitudes about gender.

SSSAS now still requires all white but it doesn’t have to be a dress (there have been flowy slacks/jumpsuits in the last couple years, for example) OR white pants/navy blazer combo. Yes, I think so far all the boys have chosen to wear white pants and navy blazer, including a transgender male student. Several AFAB students (some of whom still use female pronouns, some who use gender-neutral pronouns) have opted for all white but not dresses.

The US choir also has a concert uniform with pants and button down shirt for any alto or soprano who wants it rather than the long concert dress.

Ugh, I thought most of this discussion was about the tradition of girls wearing white, but actually requiring it is definitely a very conservative choice!

NCS and Madeira both require white as well (well, NCS requires white for Flag Day - the senior award ceremony - and has white grad robes for the actual graduation so many girls wear white under them). It’s not an uncommon requirement for HS, especially for girls schools (or former girls schools, like SSSAS).

[Anonymous]

At my kid’s public school graduation pretty much all the girls were in white. It’s not required or even encouraged, it’s just super trendy right now. It’s not a deb thing. This is not a reason to avoid a school.