Insensitive Bf

[Anonymous]

Who knows if he's an ass. Who knows if you're anxious, late and over-needy.

The only thing I know from your post is he makes you feel sad and not good about yourself.

Break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Being single is better than what you've got. Really.

[Anonymous]

Breakup with this guy. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Who wants to bet OP doesn't break up with this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

I'm the PP and I would much rather be single than be with a man like that. Life is too short. But also, you are ONLY 32! You're still very young. You can and should find someone who values you and treats you better. Do you want to have children with a man who completely dismisses everything you say?

+1
Do it for yourself OP. You still have time to find someone who treats you nicely or you can just treat yourself nicely.
I was with someone like this and the breaking point for me was when I was in tears over how completely selfish he was being and I thought- "hoo boy, my brother would not let someone treat me like this. My father would not let someone treat me like this". Hopefully you have high standards like that in your life. If not, think of a character. Would Gomez Addams think this is OK? No he would not.

OP The absolutely insane thing is I have an amazing father. Idk why I’ve been tolerating this

And your mother? If you’re not securely attached to her, that can still mess up your relational skills and patterns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you all handle an insensitive partner who refuses to take responsibility? My boyfriend will say or do things that appear to be without any thought to my feelings and then when I point them out accuse me of picking a fight.

For example, a couple months ago I asked if he was in town to come to a friend's party with me. He said yes. Then a day later says "Oh, when's Jane's birthday party? I forgot to tell you I'm going to John's lake house with him on the 24th." I told him, "It's the 25th and I already RSVP'd when you said you were free that weekend, but I guess it's not happening which is fine. Moving forward, could you please be more organized? This is the third or fourth time I've RSVP'd us for something and you tell me afterwards you can't come." Immediately he gets agitated and accuses me of picking a fight (this is always his verbiage, that I'm "picking a fight"), says he has a lot going on at work and do I have any idea how stressed he is, and also I'm always late for everything, do I know how annoying THAT is?

This thread was inspired by him making a comment that could be misconstrued as insensitive about my body and when I said it hurt my feelings he went, "I'm not doing this today, you're picking a fight." Huh? If you didn't mean it, just say you didn't mean it. Otherwise, what am I supposed to think?

These are just two examples bc if I gave every one we'd be here all day.

I get that I'm not a perfect person but it's super frustrating that, for example, if I'm late to something, I'll say "Sorry I'm late" even without him saying anything, but if I point something out, I'm accused of picking a fight. By his logic, if he points out me being late, is that picking a fight?

I'm just frustrated and not sure what to say to him to make him realize that trying to ask your partner to fix something isn't picking a fight.

You two aren't a natural fit. If you want to pursue this relationship for whatever reason, you two need to be intentional to develop a more effective and empathetic style of communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who wants to bet OP doesn't break up with this guy?

I hate responses like this. You have no idea what she’ll do. It’s been like two hours since she made her post, you think she’s gonna break up with him and report back in two hours??

[Anonymous]

Hmm, the disconnect seems to be that both of you want to keep your independent lives. That's fine but he doesn't--and shouldn't--want to spend time with your friends and their group.

This isn't a question of empathy--it's a question of priorities. Sounds like a post-grad school couple where one doesn't want to follow the other. I don't recommend a breakup, but OP should evaluate her priorities and be realistic about her ever-diminishing options.

[Anonymous]

Break up already. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you all handle an insensitive partner who refuses to take responsibility? My boyfriend will say or do things that appear to be without any thought to my feelings and then when I point them out accuse me of picking a fight.

For example, a couple months ago I asked if he was in town to come to a friend's party with me. He said yes. Then a day later says "Oh, when's Jane's birthday party? I forgot to tell you I'm going to John's lake house with him on the 24th." I told him, "It's the 25th and I already RSVP'd when you said you were free that weekend, but I guess it's not happening which is fine. Moving forward, could you please be more organized? This is the third or fourth time I've RSVP'd us for something and you tell me afterwards you can't come." Immediately he gets agitated and accuses me of picking a fight (this is always his verbiage, that I'm "picking a fight"), says he has a lot going on at work and do I have any idea how stressed he is, and also I'm always late for everything, do I know how annoying THAT is?

This thread was inspired by him making a comment that could be misconstrued as insensitive about my body and when I said it hurt my feelings he went, "I'm not doing this today, you're picking a fight." Huh? If you didn't mean it, just say you didn't mean it. Otherwise, what am I supposed to think?

These are just two examples bc if I gave every one we'd be here all day.

I get that I'm not a perfect person but it's super frustrating that, for example, if I'm late to something, I'll say "Sorry I'm late" even without him saying anything, but if I point something out, I'm accused of picking a fight. By his logic, if he points out me being late, is that picking a fight?

I'm just frustrated and not sure what to say to him to make him realize that trying to ask your partner to fix something isn't picking a fight.

You two aren't compatible. For what it's worth, he sounds like a jerk, but you sound pretty annoying. I just think you're not a good match. You need someone who is going to be receptive to what you have to say (and the way you say it) and he needs someone who doesn't hold him responsible for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

+1000!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

Well, you can pick being single and happy or being married and miserable. Do you want to have kids? Imagine your current situation but 1000 times worse. I love my children and I love my husband and we have a wonderful marriage, but having kids is the absolute hardest thing we have ever done and it has tested and pushed our married like nothing else (moving, switching jobs, building a house, death of parents, severe illness, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

Ok well then....stay in a miserable relationship? I don't know what advice you're looking for. He's not going to change. This is who he is. Either work on your self to realize you deserve better, or stay with him and stop complaining about it.

No I’m just saying, that’s why I’m still around, I know you’re right and we should probably break up.

Like, today. Stop wasting your time with this man.

Think of what you in April 2027 would wish for - it'll be that you had left a year ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

Well, you can pick being single and happy or being married and miserable. Do you want to have kids? Imagine your current situation but 1000 times worse. I love my children and I love my husband and we have a wonderful marriage, but having kids is the absolute hardest thing we have ever done and it has tested and pushed our married like nothing else (moving, switching jobs, building a house, death of parents, severe illness, etc).

This, but also...I don't think at 32 it's a choice between being single and happy or married and miserable. LOTS of people meet their spouses in their mid-30s, at least in big cities.

[Anonymous]

girl run it's just going to get so much worse.