Insensitive Bf

[Anonymous]

How do you all handle an insensitive partner who refuses to take responsibility? My boyfriend will say or do things that appear to be without any thought to my feelings and then when I point them out accuse me of picking a fight.

For example, a couple months ago I asked if he was in town to come to a friend's party with me. He said yes. Then a day later says "Oh, when's Jane's birthday party? I forgot to tell you I'm going to John's lake house with him on the 24th." I told him, "It's the 25th and I already RSVP'd when you said you were free that weekend, but I guess it's not happening which is fine. Moving forward, could you please be more organized? This is the third or fourth time I've RSVP'd us for something and you tell me afterwards you can't come." Immediately he gets agitated and accuses me of picking a fight (this is always his verbiage, that I'm "picking a fight"), says he has a lot going on at work and do I have any idea how stressed he is, and also I'm always late for everything, do I know how annoying THAT is?

This thread was inspired by him making a comment that could be misconstrued as insensitive about my body and when I said it hurt my feelings he went, "I'm not doing this today, you're picking a fight." Huh? If you didn't mean it, just say you didn't mean it. Otherwise, what am I supposed to think?

These are just two examples bc if I gave every one we'd be here all day.

I get that I'm not a perfect person but it's super frustrating that, for example, if I'm late to something, I'll say "Sorry I'm late" even without him saying anything, but if I point something out, I'm accused of picking a fight. By his logic, if he points out me being late, is that picking a fight?

I'm just frustrated and not sure what to say to him to make him realize that trying to ask your partner to fix something isn't picking a fight.

[Anonymous]

Take it from someone who has tried for many years to work through things with a man like this. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. He will never change. Break up and get back your peace. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Why are you with him?

[Anonymous]

You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

[Anonymous]

Breakup. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

[Anonymous]

Is your self esteem that low that you think this is what you deserve? What are your reasons for staying with him? He's an immature jerk who doesn't seem to particularly care about your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

Ok well then....stay in a miserable relationship? I don't know what advice you're looking for. He's not going to change. This is who he is. Either work on your self to realize you deserve better, or stay with him and stop complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

What are you doing to help ease the stress from his work life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

Every 33yo I know in DC is either single or in a relationship. None of them are married. If you were 33 in Kansas I would get it but if you’re in DC, it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

I'm the PP and I would much rather be single than be with a man like that. Life is too short. But also, you are ONLY 32! You're still very young. You can and should find someone who values you and treats you better. Do you want to have children with a man who completely dismisses everything you say?

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating? Do you live together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know how you read posts of married people who are miserable and there are comments like "well you ignored all the red flags" or "you knew what he was like before you married him". That will be you. He's someone who you will end up unhappily married to because you ignored all the issues when you were dating.

Agree one thousand percent. And this is a HUGE red flag.

OP Thanks. I know. I’ll be 33 in June and I’m scared to be single at my age. That’s all it is.

Ok well then....stay in a miserable relationship? I don't know what advice you're looking for. He's not going to change. This is who he is. Either work on your self to realize you deserve better, or stay with him and stop complaining about it.

No I’m just saying, that’s why I’m still around, I know you’re right and we should probably break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to help ease the stress from his work life?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA go away incel.