Help husband and I settle a huge argument over where to move!

[Anonymous]

You may want to look at this from another angle. People who like to do things at home will enjoy a larger house and bigger yard. People who like to go out and do things will appreciate closer services and not end up using the house and yard. People who don't want to deal with the hassles of going out will dislike the space constraints of a small house and yard.

Do you want lots of free time in the backyard and a playground set? Would you prefer going to a public or neighborhood park?
Would you prefer to have friends over, turn on the grill, and eat outside while the kids play? Would you prefer to meet up at a restaurant, get a sitter, and have an adults night out?
Do you enjoy privacy and would you like just relaxing in your house or backyard? Would you find this boring?

I also think that people who are more minimalist..ie they do not buy alot of stuff do better in smaller homes. In a larger home, you have room and you will accumulate more stuff. This is good for shoppers and people who like stuff but a disaster in a small house.

[Anonymous]

You may want to look at this from another angle. People who like to do things at home will enjoy a larger house and bigger yard. People who like to go out and do things will appreciate closer services and not end up using the house and yard. People who don't want to deal with the hassles of going out will dislike the space constraints of a small house and yard.

Eh, we're total homebodies and that's why we like the smaller house, closer in. We can walk to things we need, we have a commute that lets us spend time at home, and those tiny lots? Mean that we have lots of friends in the neighborhood who come to our tiny house (or invite us to theirs). You don't need a huge yard to spend time outside.

[Anonymous]

We had a house with a large backyard, and I can tell you that those idyllic fantasies of entertaining take up about 10% of the time you spend in your yard. The remaining 90% is spent maintaining that yard. Or you could spend $$ to have someone care for it.

McMansions are tacky, nouveau riche. If your DH is a team leader, he should know better.

[Anonymous]

Umm, are you proposing that your DH spend all his free time renovating a house he doesn't want to buy?

[Anonymous]

Warning: don't fall for the argument that the SAHM's preference should win, since she'll be spending more time in the house and neighborhood. We have friends who are divorcing, largely over this issue. The DH's commute was hell, all so the DW could have the big house and acreage she wanted. That got old after a few years and they couldn't reach a livable compromise. I think you should be more ready to give in if you don't have a commute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think if he is the one who has to deal with the commute, I would let him choose the area to live. It won't make much difference to you which parks, playgrounds, library, Starbucks, etc. you go to. If the schools are good, you can make new friends and find babysitters. Ashburn is not the end of the world.

Also, as much as I would love to be a SAHM, and I am not a SAHM - I think the fact that he works and thus allows you the opportunity to be a SAHM is a huge contribution on his part and his desires in where the salary he makes buys a home should weigh heavily on this decision. Not to denigrate the work that YOU do. But to recognize how lucky you are to have that option of staying home.

Not OP but I couldn't disagree more. Both spouses make important contributions to the family and both should have equal input in important decisions like where to live. I'm not a SAHM but I work part-time and make much less money than my DH, and I would never last in a marriage where my opinions only received as much weight as my financial contributions.

By the same token, the best thing you can do for your marriage is find a solution that works for both of you rather than have one person feel like they totally gave in and gave up what they wanted. OP, have you and DH done any serious looking in your price range in Bethesda/Mclean? Your DH may find that the options inside the beltway aren't really so bad, or you may find that you don't like any of the houses you can afford. I also think your DH should do a dry-run of the commute from any one of these places. (Don't trust people on a message board--everyone underestimates their commute. It's how we convince ourselves to do it again every damn day.)

If you are still at an impasse, I would give a serious look to places like Oakton, Vienna, Reston, or Fairfax City. You'll get a bit more house for your money but still not be too far out in the boonies, you're still in Fairfax County schools, and your home is more likely to keep its value than way out in Ashburn. And hopefully neither you and DH will spend years seething with resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a house with a large backyard, and I can tell you that those idyllic fantasies of entertaining take up about 10% of the time you spend in your yard. The remaining 90% is spent maintaining that yard. Or you could spend $$ to have someone care for it.

McMansions are tacky, nouveau riche. If your DH is a team leader, he should know better.

Agree! So many people have these fantasies of entertaining and it leads them to buy too much house and too much yard, or the wrong layout or whatever. Guess what? Most people, especially with young kids and demanding jobs, do not "entertain" in any sense of the word. You can have a cookout in a small backyard just as easy as you can with a big backyard.

[Anonymous]

OP, what does your realtor say? A good one should be able to help you determine which neighborhoods hit the sweet spot of DH's commute, $$$, size, schools, and SAHM needs.

[Anonymous]

His team probably comes over to your house and then drives all the way back to BFE jealous over his commute.

[Anonymous]

If he's commuting to Tyson's, I would think McLean would offer a better commute than Ashburn.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the input. We are not looking to move until the summer (currently renting and that's when our lease runs out) and so we haven't started hardcore looking yet, more just feeling each other out and trying to agree on where to look come spring. Every one has made good points, I agree with so many of you. 12:45 really nailed it. We each prefer such different properties that I'm worried the other will be resentful when we finally decide one way or the other. Since our preferences are soooo different, I was kind of hoping to let the money do the talking- whichever is the best long term financial decision will take precedence. I don't know. It stinks that we are so divided on this. Thanks again, all the insight has been so helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to agree with 11:53. You need to look at this both as the place where you will live and raise your kids, as well as one of the, if not the, biggest investment you will make.

Re-sale value and the steady home prices are on transit corridors and in the District and close-in suburbs. This will increase as the cost of gas and single-occupancy travel increase (tolls, insurance etc.).

The era of the exurban McMansion is over. Heating and cooling it, driving to it etc. will become increasingly expensive. The sooner your husband understands this, the better it will be for all of you.

11:53 and this post are offering the best advice. You guys (OP and OP's husband) each have preferences but there are some factors that are beyond your control you must take into account, which should help you come to an agreement. Down the road if and when you have to or want to sell, you will be glad you invested in a home that has resale value. We live close-in and just did a refinance and had our home appraised, so know exactly how much our home is worth compared to when we bought, and I'm so glad we are where we are. It's one less stress in that if we ever have to sell our home, we are in a much better position being in a desirable location.

His job may change, you may go to back to work, a number of things could happen but you can pretty much count on close-in homes in desirable locations in this area being a better investment than geting more house farther out.

[Anonymous]

While I agree that McMansions are scary, at 700K even in Ashburn the OP is not talking about a McMansion. The term McMansion for me means those huge houses that fill every inch of lot in Bethesda overshadowing the nice well designed rambler someone is about to tear down.

We did move further out, not Ashburn, but an area with very big lots and more house for the money. I do love the big lot and it is peaceful. The kids can play outside for hours. I also like having a more open house layout with larger rooms that accomodate comfy furniture. Its nice that everyone can be in the kitchen when we cook or the kids can be doing something at the table.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband to do the commute test - like a PP said - have him crash at a friend's house in Ashburn and drive in to McLean - he'll most likely take the Dulle Toll Road and pay out the you know what to get on and off of it. It backs up quite a bit. I use to take it every day getting on at route 28 in Loudoun County and off at McLean. It can get really bad. I'd suggest the McLean route if possible to move to. I live out in Western Fairfax County and think the houses (newer especially) are so cookie cutter looking and made cheaply, so don't think b/c you buy a new/newer house that you won't have problems. Friends of ours bought brand new and have issues that come up a lot and trying to get the home builder to fix them takes forever, that's if they even agree to do it.

[Anonymous]

Oh no. What OP is talking about fits "McMansion" for sure. Big new house in far out suburb = McMansion, almost always.

Like most of the other PPs, I strongly vote for smaller and closer in. That's the smart investment.