Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

Are you a SAHMommy? Because some of us are beyond exhausted after work and don't want to "swing by" anywhere.

It is not about what you WANT, it is about what a good parent would do (unselfishly).

Don’t your kids deserve a good parent? A memorable childhood?

You contradict yourself. If it’s not work, why TF are you delegating it? Just freaking do it yourself and then STFU about it.

For OP, what was the point of NOT buying the candy when she bought the rest of the stuff? Was she just trying to prove a point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weaponized incompetence at its finest.

Agree.

And also, it’s OK to not do Easter eggs and candy. There are other ways to make holidays meaningful without plastic and sugar.

It is. And you should bring this up with your spouse a couple of weeks before Easter. You shouldn’t agree to get the plastic and sugar and then flake the night before.

But she doesn’t say that he agreed — just that she nagged. And then she got pissy when he didn’t get the right candy or whatever that she had in mind. Unless she was locked inside during those weeks of nagging, she probably went to at least one store or website that has exactly what she wanted — she just preferred to nag, perhaps in the hopes that he would get as excited about the plastic and sugar as she seems to be.

+1
She did not actually need his help. She had an idea that he should do part of the "work," by separating out a task that she could easily have done during normal grocery shopping or when she bought the rest of the basket stuff. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wonder how many catholic men dropped the ball in their kids Easter?

It’s kind of hard to drop the ball in Easter if you are a practicing Catholic. There is enough stuff at the church with Lent, the Triduum, and Easter mass. Especially if you go to the vigil. We had a little reception in our parish hall afterwards, and kids were there playing games until 2am.

We did Easter baskets and met up with my siblings for an egg hunt, but we could have done nothing but church stuff and still not have dropped the ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weaponized incompetence at its finest.

Agree.

And also, it’s OK to not do Easter eggs and candy. There are other ways to make holidays meaningful without plastic and sugar.

It is. And you should bring this up with your spouse a couple of weeks before Easter. You shouldn’t agree to get the plastic and sugar and then flake the night before.

But she doesn’t say that he agreed — just that she nagged. And then she got pissy when he didn’t get the right candy or whatever that she had in mind. Unless she was locked inside during those weeks of nagging, she probably went to at least one store or website that has exactly what she wanted — she just preferred to nag, perhaps in the hopes that he would get as excited about the plastic and sugar as she seems to be.

I think the OP is a troll, but come on. He doesn’t have some principled reason that he explained to his wife weeks ago.

First this is a troll. If the troll added a clear principled reason, it wouldn’t get as much engagement. But the troll still hints at it because her DH said Easter is not about bunnies, and then she said he can make it more meaningful. So DH doesn’t want to celebrate a religious holiday with secular items and OP tells DH to talk about religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weaponized incompetence at its finest.

Agree.

And also, it’s OK to not do Easter eggs and candy. There are other ways to make holidays meaningful without plastic and sugar.

It is. And you should bring this up with your spouse a couple of weeks before Easter. You shouldn’t agree to get the plastic and sugar and then flake the night before.

But she doesn’t say that he agreed — just that she nagged. And then she got pissy when he didn’t get the right candy or whatever that she had in mind. Unless she was locked inside during those weeks of nagging, she probably went to at least one store or website that has exactly what she wanted — she just preferred to nag, perhaps in the hopes that he would get as excited about the plastic and sugar as she seems to be.

+1
She did not actually need his help. She had an idea that he should do part of the "work," by separating out a task that she could easily have done during normal grocery shopping or when she bought the rest of the basket stuff. Why?

Who knows? I suspect it’s just a troll, but she isn’t coming back and isn’t explaining herself.
Maybe her dad always did the eggs with her, and he died recently, so her husband said he would help.

Maybe they moved away from a community of people that they did things like this with, so she thought that she and her husband would do it as a couple.

Maybe the DH does all of the grocery shopping, and she thought this would be an easy task for him to complete while he was getting groceries.

Maybe she had a TBI and forgot that he husband has never done this in the 10+ years they have been celebrating Easter with their kids.

Who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

Are you a SAHMommy? Because some of us are beyond exhausted after work and don't want to "swing by" anywhere.

It is not about what you WANT, it is about what a good parent would do (unselfishly).

Don’t your kids deserve a good parent? A memorable childhood?

You contradict yourself. If it’s not work, why TF are you delegating it? Just freaking do it yourself and then STFU about it.

For OP, what was the point of NOT buying the candy when she bought the rest of the stuff? Was she just trying to prove a point?

Maybe she just wanted him to be involved. When I was growing up, my mom always did nearly all of the holiday stuff, but my dad always got us a book at Christmas and hid the eggs on Easter. I always appreciated that he was part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

Are you a SAHMommy? Because some of us are beyond exhausted after work and don't want to "swing by" anywhere.

It is not about what you WANT, it is about what a good parent would do (unselfishly).

Don’t your kids deserve a good parent? A memorable childhood?

You contradict yourself. If it’s not work, why TF are you delegating it? Just freaking do it yourself and then STFU about it.

For OP, what was the point of NOT buying the candy when she bought the rest of the stuff? Was she just trying to prove a point?

Maybe she just wanted him to be involved. When I was growing up, my mom always did nearly all of the holiday stuff, but my dad always got us a book at Christmas and hid the eggs on Easter. I always appreciated that he was part of it.

Was your mom equally involved in mowing grass, shoveling snow, changing the car oil, paying bills, taxes, household maintenance, coaching soccer, and any other things your dad might have traditionally done around the house? Was everything 50/50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see the issue. You aren’t religious and all this could have been ordered online. Who goes to stores anymore?

Oh stop it with the religious stuff. You realize that many major Christian holidays are pegged to pagan holidays? And that the bunny is a symbol of fertility and spring?

Let people have their Easter egg hunts and baskets and stop being so insufferable.

Some of you sure are attached to your adult egg hunts and baskets. No one is preventing you from doing whatever you want. Just like if OP wants, she too should just do it.

NP and exactly this. OP is trying to act like this is as important as actual religious celebrations, or milestones/occasions that both partners actively choose to celebrate. For some, that is Christmas, whether or not they are Christian; for others, it is Super Bowl Sunday; for some, it is Fourth of July.

The point is: both partners have to actually agree that The Thing in question is A Thing worthy of time, effort, money, investment of energy.

Otherwise, if you want to go all out for Easter? Do that, then. But acting like DH must participate at the level OP dictates when they don’t even practice the religion which is at the center of the holiday is just…asinine, really.

If he wants to make a big deal out of the Super Bowl, would he have the right to dictate that OP help him cook, clean, invite people over, prepare special foods and watch the whole game at the level that he dictates? If any husband were to write that he “can’t get wife to help with Super Bowl,” we’d tear him apart and laugh in his face.

This might blow your mind, but some people care about how their spouses feel. If my husband wanted to throw a Super Bowl party, I would help him do that because it mattered to him, even though I have no desire to watch the game myself.

Ahh, how nice of you to fund, host, cook and clean up after your husbands football viewing gathering.

For his very own kids?? Or his adult friends!?

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you recently move away from family members that you used to do this stuff with, OP? I don’t understand how this is just coming up when you have a teenager.

I think there are fake Easter posts on this site today.

That makes sense. This stuff is for small children. If OP’s husband didn’t care when the kids were little, I don’t know why she would think he would start now.

My mom loved Easter she still made us Easter baskets even when we grew and flew! I looked forward to those baskets with the Godiva bunny, jelly beans and the Cadbury mini eggs every year.

Enjoy your Easter traditions.

I’d give anything for one more Easter basket and Mom hosted Easter dinner. I miss my mom!

I’m guessing that she made baskets when you were little too. She didn’t just start when you were a teenager.
It seems odd that OP expects her husband to start caring about this stuff when their kids are older. I’m wondering if she used to do it with her mom or her sister, and they moved away or passed away.

Whatever the situation is, trying to start this tradition that her husband buys all the candy OP likes, he's supposed to read her mind, seems a bit too late when kids are teens. Just buy the candy when you're at the store anytime in March and up until Easter in April. OP is the one who cares and has specifications, so OP owns that task now.

I too love being as careless, mindless and thoughtless with any task my family asks of me. Hopefully they get the picture and ignore me.

Seems rude to foist a religious holiday celebration on an unwilling spouse. So caring and thoughful!

Still no list of anything the dud dad actually does whatsoever. Easter aside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

Are you a SAHMommy? Because some of us are beyond exhausted after work and don't want to "swing by" anywhere.

It is not about what you WANT, it is about what a good parent would do (unselfishly).

Don’t your kids deserve a good parent? A memorable childhood?

You contradict yourself. If it’s not work, why TF are you delegating it? Just freaking do it yourself and then STFU about it.

For OP, what was the point of NOT buying the candy when she bought the rest of the stuff? Was she just trying to prove a point?

Maybe she forgot and then decided her husband was the solution to her mistake. For weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on team DH on this one. The kids are only excited about it because OP is excited about it. If OP wanted to celebrate so badly, she should have been the one to put it together. Also OP, why didn’t you just buy the chocolate when you bought the baskets? It would have saved you and DH another trip.

I’m still waiting to hear what the DH is excited about to do for the kids and takes the lead on it.

Otherwise he sounds like a deadweight tag along ManChild. Who should NOT have had kids.

Right?!?! I hate it when we have no agency in these things. “Gosh, this guy is a terrible parent. I wish I didn’t have to keep having more kid with him, but…”

I know!! If only I would have known what a loser father and husband he would be once the kids started talking and asking parenting of him.

Why or why couldn’t he have shown this when I was pregnant or with a baby newborn!??! Surely there were signs during the pregnancy days how he would treat a 10 yo living I. His very own home!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting that so many posters are willing to give OP’s husband a total pass for being an a$$. So many things with kids are “optional”, but you do them because it is part of having a fun childhood. So, the husband doesn’t have to do anything fun with the kids? It’s all on OP?

Nah, it’s the same troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.

Sure. There are weeks that I am asexual, and I suspect that I will be mostly asexual after menopause. I know that I was after childbirth.
So what? Why would my spouse care? He can take care of things alone. It’s easy enough. Why would he expect me to participate?