Elderly parents lost to MAGA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - you are lucky to have parents that are alive. Grow up - none of the stuff you are ranting about matters. Your parents are not in positions of power.

We are on this earth for a very short of time.

This is such bs

+1 spewing hatred in front of young kids is a big deal. I don't care who you are. I don't want my kids exposed to that kind of hatred.

[Anonymous]

New poster. I’m in the same boat as you, op, right down to dual fed household. In my case it’s just one parent (mother) who is maga. But my dad doesn’t care and doesn’t bother to challenge her (he’s libertarian, and doesn’t really care). They’re both in 80s. It’s sooooo hard because maga mom is really bad. But, and I hate to say this, she made the choose to help support us financially through the years even now. I do feel a little like I’m in a very transactional relationship with my maga mom. I’m polite (sort of ) or just use grey rock (mostly, so maybe not so polite after all). I don’t engage. Many conversations I can’t even bring myself to ask a “safe” conversation starter “how was the flight?” Because she’ll bring it right back to a maga rant. So I’m mostly Grey rock, quiet. It’s so sad. The last time we got together with them for an entire week of family vacation, I drank heavily at every single dinner (every night) and doing things to do by myself during the day. I’m not a drinker but I couldn’t take it. Next time I may need to procure gummies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are accusing your parents of intolerance when it is pretty clear you are capable of intolerance yourself.

I have plenty of political divides in my family. We still get along as we know there's more to life than politics. Is it annoying? Sure. But I always remind myself my beliefs are as annoying and frustrating to others as their beliefs are annoying and frustrating to me.

Walking away from them and cutting off contact is something that, according to the studies I've seen, is done far more by left leaning people than right leaning people (note how it's not your parents threatening to walk away from you). It bothers me this seems to be the case. My advice is don't. Put aside your political feelings, treat them as they seem to treat you, which is a family member with wonky views and just focus on other things.

This is such a tired canard. Intolerance of racism is not a personal failing or sign of hypocrisy. It's a sign of having actual values.

OP here. What am I supposed to say, "I see your point that you want your kids and grandkids to suffer financially to support the great grift/graft master. I respect your desire to watch me and my husband lose our house for Trump. And maybe you're correct, after all, and I should be willing to starve for him (I guess they are, too?)." Is that what I should say?

You’re so overdramatic. You can find another job if you were to get fired.

You can also choose to either love your parents or don’t. Please stop perpetuating the lazy government employee stereotype.

Spoken like someone who is completely clueless about the job market currently.

If a fired government employee doesn’t have the skills or capability to get hired by another company, Id rather not pay them to use those same non-skills for government wages. What a waste of taxes and budget allocation.

Prepare for an onslaught of verbal abuse from the fed workers here - your opinion (very valid) will never win on this site.

Seriously - are these fed workers so great that we can’t lose them and should be giving them pay raises to ensure they don’t quit? Or are they impossible to hire in the private sector because they suck and the only reason they haven’t been laid off because they’re feds?
Schrödingers Federal Employees


Back to OP - you are right to hold firm on your boundaries with your parents. You’d expect people their age to be mature enough not to start petty fights with their family over the holidays but alas some people aren’t capable of nice things.

[Anonymous]

I’ve “quiet quit” my parents. My brother, sister and I all work in different fields (government, pastoral services, and higher education) but we’ve all been directly affected—close friends, neighbors, students, coworkers—by the horrific ICE actions. My parents don’t care to even ask us “how are you” because if we tell the truth (like my brother toured an ICE detention center in Baltimore for work and told them how horrible it was), they cut us off and don’t listen.

If you don’t care how your kids are doing because they are directly impacted by the injustices going on in this country, then you don’t care about them. You don’t care about me, my efforts toward you stop.

It’s sad, but I didn’t choose this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are accusing your parents of intolerance when it is pretty clear you are capable of intolerance yourself.

I have plenty of political divides in my family. We still get along as we know there's more to life than politics. Is it annoying? Sure. But I always remind myself my beliefs are as annoying and frustrating to others as their beliefs are annoying and frustrating to me.

Walking away from them and cutting off contact is something that, according to the studies I've seen, is done far more by left leaning people than right leaning people (note how it's not your parents threatening to walk away from you). It bothers me this seems to be the case. My advice is don't. Put aside your political feelings, treat them as they seem to treat you, which is a family member with wonky views and just focus on other things.

This is such a tired canard. Intolerance of racism is not a personal failing or sign of hypocrisy. It's a sign of having actual values.

OP here. What am I supposed to say, "I see your point that you want your kids and grandkids to suffer financially to support the great grift/graft master. I respect your desire to watch me and my husband lose our house for Trump. And maybe you're correct, after all, and I should be willing to starve for him (I guess they are, too?)." Is that what I should say?

You’re so overdramatic. You can find another job if you were to get fired.

You can also choose to either love your parents or don’t. Please stop perpetuating the lazy government employee stereotype.

Spoken like someone who is completely clueless about the job market currently.

If a fired government employee doesn’t have the skills or capability to get hired by another company, Id rather not pay them to use those same non-skills for government wages. What a waste of taxes and budget allocation.

Prepare for an onslaught of verbal abuse from the fed workers here - your opinion (very valid) will never win on this site.

Seriously - are these fed workers so great that we can’t lose them and should be giving them pay raises to ensure they don’t quit? Or are they impossible to hire in the private sector because they suck and the only reason they haven’t been laid off because they’re feds?
Schrödingers Federal Employees


Back to OP - you are right to hold firm on your boundaries with your parents. You’d expect people their age to be mature enough not to start petty fights with their family over the holidays but alas some people aren’t capable of nice things.

The problem is that some federal jobs are so specific to the work done for the government that there's not anything equivalent outside of government. And once you're at a certain, it's nearly impossible to train up for a different field and find someone to hire you, even if you're intelligent and hard-working.

I am not a fed myself, but I have many friends who were let go, and some of them are in that group.

[Anonymous]

* certain age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster. I’m in the same boat as you, op, right down to dual fed household. In my case it’s just one parent (mother) who is maga. But my dad doesn’t care and doesn’t bother to challenge her (he’s libertarian, and doesn’t really care). They’re both in 80s. It’s sooooo hard because maga mom is really bad. But, and I hate to say this, she made the choose to help support us financially through the years even now. I do feel a little like I’m in a very transactional relationship with my maga mom. I’m polite (sort of ) or just use grey rock (mostly, so maybe not so polite after all). I don’t engage. Many conversations I can’t even bring myself to ask a “safe” conversation starter “how was the flight?” Because she’ll bring it right back to a maga rant. So I’m mostly Grey rock, quiet. It’s so sad. The last time we got together with them for an entire week of family vacation, I drank heavily at every single dinner (every night) and doing things to do by myself during the day. I’m not a drinker but I couldn’t take it. Next time I may need to procure gummies.

I’m in the same boat and I hate it. My Mom just ignores my Dads racist rants and comments to keep the peace. I can understand to an extent why she doesn’t correct his behavior but I can’t understand how my father turned into such a hateful bitter old man. He was not like this when he was raising us.

[Anonymous]

I personally haven't figured out how to deal with my maga parents, but under no circumstances whatsoever will their racism come near my DC's. Thus, we haven't spoken in months.

[Anonymous]

I am adopted and the only non-white person in my family. My parents and brother have been getting worse ever since Trump and Covid. It was always bad and there was verbal abuse but it was tolerable I guess? It reached a point where I couldn’t talk about any subject, not even the safe topic (my kids) without some tangential rant. If I tried to set a boundary I was called “woke.” I stopped all contact, but not because of those reasons, it turned out they were awful people for truly selfish (money and grifter) reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve “quiet quit” my parents. My brother, sister and I all work in different fields (government, pastoral services, and higher education) but we’ve all been directly affected—close friends, neighbors, students, coworkers—by the horrific ICE actions. My parents don’t care to even ask us “how are you” because if we tell the truth (like my brother toured an ICE detention center in Baltimore for work and told them how horrible it was), they cut us off and don’t listen.

If you don’t care how your kids are doing because they are directly impacted by the injustices going on in this country, then you don’t care about them. You don’t care about me, my efforts toward you stop.

It’s sad, but I didn’t choose this.

Old people are either too selfish due to cognitive decline or if they care, all they can do is go cluck cluck cluck out of worry which only exacerbates it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since Trump took office again they’ve become increasingly partisan and racist. I’ve known they’ve had a racist side— my mother has always commented on the race of new people they meet or who bought a house down the block, while my father will just declare nasty things about certain ethnic groups and then play poor disenfranchised white man (while sitting in his $1 million home with a generous public sector pension).

But since last spring, their behavior has gotten out of hand. They fully support everything Trump does and if you bring up something that’s obviously corruption they start ranting about Biden. My father said something very ugly over Thanksgiving dinner, just nasty and wrong to say right in front of my kids, and my mother just sat there quietly saying nothing. She’s a retired teacher, FFS, and wouldn’t correct him.

I’d avoid all Trump topics with them altogether but for my DH and I this is personal because we’re feds, have friends and family who are feds, and have seen first hand the fallout of this administration’s cruel decisions. But my parents refuse to even say something as simple as “we’re sorry this is happening to you” or “it’s wrong.” Thus just insist Trump is protecting the country from the Communists. Yep, the Commies again.

Last month, when Epstein came up, my mother declared I need to stop reading about Epstein, it’s old news and then chided me with “you focus on my children.” This is the same woman who was up in arms years ago when she learned one of my junior high teachers was arrested for pedophilia.

I’m disgusted and feel like they have turned into people I can’t have much of a relationship with. I have a sibling who gets on well with them and I’m at the point of telling her she’s on her own except for emergencies.

Can we switch parents?

[Anonymous]

I called my mom out on racist things she said annd did and she told me I was being judgmental and that she feels like she can’t be her true self around me. The victimhood is just too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am adopted and the only non-white person in my family. My parents and brother have been getting worse ever since Trump and Covid. It was always bad and there was verbal abuse but it was tolerable I guess? It reached a point where I couldn’t talk about any subject, not even the safe topic (my kids) without some tangential rant. If I tried to set a boundary I was called “woke.” I stopped all contact, but not because of those reasons, it turned out they were awful people for truly selfish (money and grifter) reasons.

Im sorry. That sounds very sad

[Anonymous]

Republicans used to try to divorce themselves from racism, I like how now they're honest that racism is just one of the political views they hold.

[Anonymous]

I mean, at the end of the day, it actually isn’t really about Trump. Your parents have decided that they don’t support the work you do and they spew racist stuff. You have to decide how much of this you are willing to be around.

I’m lucky that my dad basically no longer discusses politics. I actually think he realizes Trump is horrible (although I assume he votes for him). But I remember him loving Jesse Helms and Pat Buchanan (meanwhile I protested when Buchanan came to my college, but I was voting for Bush). I also know he hated the Clintons (I hate Bill but not Hilary). He loved complaining about affirmative action. I started calling it OWM (oppressed white male) syndrome when I was 12 (which was in the 80s).

But if my dad said something openly racist, I would tell him I disagreed (not bothering to argue just a flat statement), remove my kids from the setting and then tell my kids what exactly what granddaddy said was racist and why. Now at age 13, my daughter might very well tell him that what he said was racist and ridiculous (and she likely would not back down — she is always up for standing her ground). If he always said racist stuff, then he just wouldn’t see my kids or husband. And I would figure out what level of limited contact I was willing to have. As it is, I manage to basically see my dad five times a year for lunch.