DD 15 just won’t listen to reason!

[Anonymous]

Where is the other parent? Do they care?
What’s their take ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We go to church every Sunday. As a family. Non-negotiable, sorry. That’s how it’s always been. When my DD 15 moves out of the house she can skip church if she’d like, she can join a monastery for all I care, but right now she lives with us and every Sunday you better believe she will be at church with us. End of discussion!

But she won’t listen to reason. She’s insisting that she’s an “atheist” and that somehow means she should be exempt from the family rule. Not how it works! She says that church makes her uncomfortable and has said that she has issues with “religion being homophobic.” Well our church isn’t, the minister’s daughter is married to a woman! But I can’t persuade her. It’s always a fight, every single week, and I’m just exhausted. How do I make my daughter understand why this is required?

I’m sorry you believe in indoctrination?

You want your intellectual child that you raised and gave brain cells too, go to a place that is basically a cult?

You kid is smarter than . You op

Stop with the pressure your kid is 15 they ca. stay home you are a control freak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you cannot make her understand, because this is not a reasoned decision on your part. It's an emotional decision. Choosing to believe in a religion is an emotional decision.

Yes, you can coerce her into a life she does not want until she's financially independent from you. Many parents all around the world think it is acceptable to force things upon their children, because they believe their children are extensions of themselves.

But actions have consequences. Do not then complain years from now that she does not behave like a dutiful adult daughter, does not visit as often as she should, and doesn't come running when you're old and in need of help.

- BTDT.

Bingo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are pushing your beliefs on her. You need to back up and let her make some decisions. You sound nuts.

This 100 percent this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We go to church every Sunday. As a family. Non-negotiable, sorry. That’s how it’s always been. When my DD 15 moves out of the house she can skip church if she’d like, she can join a monastery for all I care, but right now she lives with us and every Sunday you better believe she will be at church with us. End of discussion!

But she won’t listen to reason. She’s insisting that she’s an “atheist” and that somehow means she should be exempt from the family rule. Not how it works! She says that church makes her uncomfortable and has said that she has issues with “religion being homophobic.” Well our church isn’t, the minister’s daughter is married to a woman! But I can’t persuade her. It’s always a fight, every single week, and I’m just exhausted. How do I make my daughter understand why this is required?

She understands why it's required. There's no reason to see -- it's just that you say she has to go. That's the reason. And you've made it a pure power struggle, so she feels like she can't back off. You can fight or you can let it go and find some compromise. Those are your choices.

[Anonymous]

Also, the fact that you put "atheist" in quotes....no wonder she's digging in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how if a person posted that their kid didn't want to go volunteer with ICE detainees you all would be like, YES, MOM! STAND YOUR GROUND! but when someone wants their kid to go to - gasp! a progressive and welcoming church! - you guys freak out about how it's a "cult."

Please show us where you saw that. Otherwise, shut up and let the adults talk.

[Anonymous]

I hope this is your hill to die on OP, because you’re ruining your relationship with your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how if a person posted that their kid didn't want to go volunteer with ICE detainees you all would be like, YES, MOM! STAND YOUR GROUND! but when someone wants their kid to go to - gasp! a progressive and welcoming church! - you guys freak out about how it's a "cult."

Please show us where you saw that. Otherwise, shut up and let the adults talk.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP there are ways to incentivize her to comply, but there’s no “reason” to listen to except that it’s important to you and you’re going to pull all of your parenting levers to make it happen.

You can help her game out what privileges you can take away until the point where she has a case for neglect and can try to become emancipated or placed in foster care.

[Anonymous]

Start by explaining to DCUM exactly why it’s required. I’ll bet that you don’t have a single good, logical reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn't be my hill to die on. I'd let her skip.

That’s fine. It is mine.

Good, then enjoy driving her away from the church that’s so important to you. My parents used to force us to go and now none of us do for any reason.

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a troll.

If not, this is a seriously psycho parent who is emotionally and physically abusing her child.

Physically forcing a 15-year old who has said she is an atheist to go to church by carrying her out the door is abusive.

If this is real, the child is probably trying to preserve some psychological independence in from an extremely coercive parent.

If I saw you carrying your protesting child out to the car against her wishes, I would report you to CPS.

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable to have non-negotiable things your family does. But I would not dismiss your DD's objections. You can offer to hear her out and also tell her that you still want to do this as a family.

My parents are pretty awful parents in general, but this is what they did. By HS, they knew we were questioning our beliefs. My mom heard us out, and she said that we were going for her and for the community.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her about the importance of learning about spirituality and faith. I'm not Christian but I tell my kids it's important to know how to pray and that these deeper moments of reflection, meditation, and connection are what get us through the difficult times in life.