Ex moving to another country after kids turn 18

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

She's also probably concerned about the child support/income for her as it stops at 18. Dad can help kids directly.

OP here. Child support already stops at 18, so what does this have to do with anything?

Read the post, she was worried about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

She's also probably concerned about the child support/income for her as it stops at 18. Dad can help kids directly.

OP here. Child support already stops at 18, so what does this have to do with anything?

Read the post, she was worried about money.

This is OP.
I am not worried about money. I make a decent living and have never received alimony or anything beyond the state mandated child support, which was never that much because on paper we have shared custody. The child support ends at 18 regardless of where ex decides to live, but it’s fine, the kids will be in college and at least the college finances are settled.

I am sad that their dad doesn’t seem to want to be a part of their adult lives. Knowing they will be busy with college and jobs anyway doesn’t make it easier, because it will require even more of an effort for them to spend time together, and ex doesn’t look like he wants to make that effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex says he doesn’t want to live here anymore and plans to move to another country and marry a woman he met there while working. This would happen as soon as our kids turn 18.
I am quite sure this will be devastating for our kids, even when they become adults. I’m 47 and my dad is a very important part of my life and I don’t see that kind of relationship happening between kids and ex if ex moves to another country.

It hits hard, especially since we moved to this area when the kids were little (away from my family) in order for ex to live his best life in his dream job. And now the kids are teens, and this is all they know.

I know there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It isn’t so much about his repartnering (as I have also repartnered) but his moving to another country 14 hour flight away and potentially starting a new family (even though he really doesn’t want more kids)
I just feel this is going to be much harder on the kids than if this woman were to move here, but she seems to have a good life where she is and does not want to.

Anyone BTDT?

You and your children are better off without a man this
selfish and self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex says he doesn’t want to live here anymore and plans to move to another country and marry a woman he met there while working. This would happen as soon as our kids turn 18.
I am quite sure this will be devastating for our kids, even when they become adults. I’m 47 and my dad is a very important part of my life and I don’t see that kind of relationship happening between kids and ex if ex moves to another country.

It hits hard, especially since we moved to this area when the kids were little (away from my family) in order for ex to live his best life in his dream job. And now the kids are teens, and this is all they know.

I know there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It isn’t so much about his repartnering (as I have also repartnered) but his moving to another country 14 hour flight away and potentially starting a new family (even though he really doesn’t want more kids)
I just feel this is going to be much harder on the kids than if this woman were to move here, but she seems to have a good life where she is and does not want to.

Anyone BTDT?

You and your children are better off without a man this
selfish and self centered.

I know I am.
But for my kids, it isn’t as simple. They love him, and they miss him when he is away. They have enough of a relationship with him so that they feel his absence. But the relationship is on his terms and when he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

OP is definitely that nightmare MIL who won't be able to handle when her kids get married and if they move away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex says he doesn’t want to live here anymore and plans to move to another country and marry a woman he met there while working. This would happen as soon as our kids turn 18.
I am quite sure this will be devastating for our kids, even when they become adults. I’m 47 and my dad is a very important part of my life and I don’t see that kind of relationship happening between kids and ex if ex moves to another country.

It hits hard, especially since we moved to this area when the kids were little (away from my family) in order for ex to live his best life in his dream job. And now the kids are teens, and this is all they know.

I know there isn’t really anything I can do about it. It isn’t so much about his repartnering (as I have also repartnered) but his moving to another country 14 hour flight away and potentially starting a new family (even though he really doesn’t want more kids)
I just feel this is going to be much harder on the kids than if this woman were to move here, but she seems to have a good life where she is and does not want to.

Anyone BTDT?

You and your children are better off without a man this
selfish and self centered.

People like you are why men aren’t involved. I feel bad for your sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

You can move on without leaving behind your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get wanting to protect your kids. But at this point, everyone involved is a legal adult. Your ex is making a decision that will have long term impacts. All you can do is be supportive of your kids and make sure they know that they can count on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

I would be very hurt if one of my parents left the country and focused 100 percent of their time and resources on a new relationship.
My parents are divorced. Both have found new partners. My dad is involved in our lives, but my mom has not made it a priority. I don’t dwell on it, but it hurts. I don’t know why you think it’s cool.

[Anonymous]

Ex hasn't even moved yet. OP has no idea how much or how little the kids will interact with their father. Kids are adults who will be making their own decisions about communication and visiting with parents. There is something called what's app. It is very cheap and easy to use for international communication.

OP, keep this dialogue in your head. If kids bring it up as a concern, talk about it as an opportunity for them to visit a different country and culture and get to travel. You have a lot of completely unnecesary anxiety around this. Your "kids" are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex hasn't even moved yet. OP has no idea how much or how little the kids will interact with their father. Kids are adults who will be making their own decisions about communication and visiting with parents. There is something called what's app. It is very cheap and easy to use for international communication.

OP, keep this dialogue in your head. If kids bring it up as a concern, talk about it as an opportunity for them to visit a different country and culture and get to travel. You have a lot of completely unnecesary anxiety around this. Your "kids" are adults.

Its about her needs and wants, not the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

Two things can be simultaneously true.
And why shouldn’t I be sad if my kids are disinherited by their dad? He wouldn’t like it if I went off and disinherited them.

Inheritance should not be the priority. And, it should be his choice, if he has money, depending on the relationship. He is no longer your husband and has very limited time with the kids. You moved on, why can’t he?

I would be very hurt if one of my parents left the country and focused 100 percent of their time and resources on a new relationship.
My parents are divorced. Both have found new partners. My dad is involved in our lives, but my mom has not made it a priority. I don’t dwell on it, but it hurts. I don’t know why you think it’s cool.

Its not about you and your experience. You cannot expect dad to remain in the area once the kids go to college and they stay at Mom's during holidays and summers and he only sees them a few hours a week. They can fly out once or twice a year and he can come once a year.

[Anonymous]

Kids and dad could communicate multiple times a day on What's app for free. Doesn't matter where anyone lives. This "problem" is living rent free in OP's head.