Ex moving to another country after kids turn 18

[Anonymous]

My dad talked to his dad about twice a year, and didn't cry at all when he died. I talk to my dad once every week or two.

Everyone has different relationships with their fathers. Just because yours was precious to you doesn't mean your kids dad is precious to them.

[Anonymous]

It's your feelings.
I moved to another continent at 18. Couldn't wait to get away. If my parent moved at Asia/Australia, would have been very cool.
My kid moved out of my house at 18 and got a job while in college. I don't see him thinking about his parents at all.
Let your kids have their own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

[Anonymous]

Your kids will be in college. Sheesh, they can still facetime every day. He is still their Dad.

[Anonymous]

Parents move around and downsize when kids go to college. This is not that unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents move around and downsize when kids go to college. This is not that unusual.

They don't usually move to another continent and shack up with a woman who wants a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad talked to his dad about twice a year, and didn't cry at all when he died. I talk to my dad once every week or two.

Everyone has different relationships with their fathers. Just because yours was precious to you doesn't mean your kids dad is precious to them.

Yes, but I think that's what is making Op sad, and it would make me sad, too, if my kids didn't have a good relationship with their father or mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 18, and presumably will be away at college. How often would they see your ex even if he were to remain here?

Honestly, this type of man would not see his adult kids very much anyways even if he were to stay here. He will be wrapped up with his new wife and new kids, if they have any.

If he were the type of dad who wanted to see his kids, he'd stay here and have the woman come live here.

FWIW, my spouse and I plan on spending a lot of time overseas, maybe even move there once our youngest is out of college, but we would be back during breaks while they are still in college.

He sees his kids per the post as much as he can and he's waiting till they are in college. Stop with the Dad hate already. That is pretty terrile you plan to do that to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad talked to his dad about twice a year, and didn't cry at all when he died. I talk to my dad once every week or two.

Everyone has different relationships with their fathers. Just because yours was precious to you doesn't mean your kids dad is precious to them.

Yes, but I think that's what is making Op sad, and it would make me sad, too, if my kids didn't have a good relationship with their father or mother.

Clearly the women on this board are ok with that given they restrict access to the kids.

[Anonymous]

They will be in college when he moves, which means they can see him during breaks, probably splitting similarly to what they do now. And then they'll get busier with jobs, internships, etc. After college who knows where they will end up.

I get how you're feeling but I also think you're overthinking it a bit. Not everyone has similar relationships with their parents like yours, some don't even really want it.

The best thing you can do is NOT tell your kids how you feel or try to convince them that they should be more upset. If they say they are fine with it, leave it. Be there if it changes. I always felt responsible for my mom's emotions and it was pretty miserable. If she would be upset about something, she couldn't understand that I didn't feel the same and would nag/hound me about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

She's also probably concerned about the child support/income for her as it stops at 18. Dad can help kids directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 18, and presumably will be away at college. How often would they see your ex even if he were to remain here?

Honestly, this type of man would not see his adult kids very much anyways even if he were to stay here. He will be wrapped up with his new wife and new kids, if they have any.

If he were the type of dad who wanted to see his kids, he'd stay here and have the woman come live here.

FWIW, my spouse and I plan on spending a lot of time overseas, maybe even move there once our youngest is out of college, but we would be back during breaks while they are still in college.

He sees his kids per the post as much as he can and he's waiting till they are in college. Stop with the Dad hate already. That is pretty terrile you plan to do that to your kids.

The OP mentioned she has repartnered and has her own partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the harsh reality, OP.

My kids are nearly 21 and 23 now.

They are one reason I've kept my house even though I was interested in moving. I figured they needed a home to come home to.

The reality is, they're rarely here. Maybe a couple of weeks in May before they've gone off to work at camps or internships. Then at Christmas. They want to spend Spring Break with their friends.

My oldest graduated from university in May and moved to Manhattan. She's been home once or twice but she's settled in.

My youngest did study abroad over Christmas break. She split her time before she went between mine and her mother's.

I'm an empty nester now. I've basically been one since the youngest left for college about three months after her 18th birthday.

I have other reasons for needing to remain here now, but if I could move somewhere else, I absolutely would. It's not much difference for the kids to come visit me here or in some new place.

This is what an Empty Nest is like. You need to wrap your head around it. Life is an adventure. If their father moves overseas, they will go visit. I doubt they'll see a whole lot less of him than they do now. And they'll have a whole new area to explore.

They live with mom, see dad what an hour or two a few times a week? This is about OP, not the kids. When they go home they will be with mom, not dad. So in a week visit they will see dad twice for an hour and she expects him to stay close for that a few times a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he see the kids now? Its none of your business. You move on, so he should get to move on. They can visit or he can visit them here. They will be away at school and will not see him that much if they spend holidays and summers with you.

Yes, he does. We each provide about 50% of support and he sees them multiple times a week.
Again, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it but it will hurt my kids emotionally. There is a difference between moving on with a new partner and staying in the kids lives, and moving to another country and starting a new life that doesn’t include them. None of us are wealthy and airfares would be a significant expense for my kids or my ex and I’m afraid the result will be he will gradually just recede out of their lives and they will be disinherited.

I am not asking what to do about this, but how to help my kids cope, and hoping to hear from others who have BTDT, what to expect, etc. So the “MYOB” isn’t relevant here.

I’m sorry for you if either of your parents walked out of your life when you were 18. That sucks.

Ah, now we get to the actual issue. OP copped to it quicker than I expected she would.

She's also probably concerned about the child support/income for her as it stops at 18. Dad can help kids directly.

OP here. Child support already stops at 18, so what does this have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 18, and presumably will be away at college. How often would they see your ex even if he were to remain here?

Honestly, this type of man would not see his adult kids very much anyways even if he were to stay here. He will be wrapped up with his new wife and new kids, if they have any.

If he were the type of dad who wanted to see his kids, he'd stay here and have the woman come live here.

FWIW, my spouse and I plan on spending a lot of time overseas, maybe even move there once our youngest is out of college, but we would be back during breaks while they are still in college.

He sees his kids per the post as much as he can and he's waiting till they are in college. Stop with the Dad hate already. That is pretty terrile you plan to do that to your kids.

The OP mentioned she has repartnered and has her own partner.

But, she still feels the need to control him and have a say in his life. She replaced Dad with her partner so no reason why Dad shouldn't go.