DH is still mad at DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From Dad's perspective, breaking the trust is emotionally hard to deal with. If my daughter had done this, I could understand why he is still suffering. Remember, in his mind, he is trying to get over this, but he just can't (yet).

Silent treatment is abuse. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Because of the snow, the school is closed again today. DD is ready to take the bus and be out of the house now. I’ve tried to explain to him at least give her phone when she is out, so we know her where abouts. He said no. She can figure out how to get home if there is an after school activity. I’m used to his behavior. But it’s hard to watch how is he treating his own DD. Last night she came to me crying that he is still mad at her and doesn’t say he loves her anymore, why he hates her so much etc… I wanted to all of us have a talk together but I don’t know what to say and how to say. Because I know he won’t give me a chance to say what I want. If I look back, he’s been always a hard to communicate and emotionally abusive

So I agree with you he needs to stop the silent treatment. I posted above with the 13yo.
However, YOU are wrong to say give her the phone back because she’s out and about. NO. If she’s had the phone taken away( it’s taken away completely. Otherwise it’s a pointless consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't have a conversation about this also is a red flag to me. He doesn't get to solely make parenting decisions and it seems like you two are walking on eggshells


She's the kid in this situation, he's not acting like the adult here.

Yes, you are correct. I’ve tried to talk to him and he wouldn’t listen. He’s like that most of the time. I’m used to it. I’m not a firm enough. Me and my DD are really walking on eggshells rn.

Walking on eggshells is SO dysfunctional! Home should be a safe place to fall for everyone. OP, THIS IS NOT OKAY. Either make him leave until he can regulate himself enough to talk or leave and stay with a friend or family member. NO ONE should ever have to feel like they are walking on eggshells in their own home. What are you teaching your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't have a conversation about this also is a red flag to me. He doesn't get to solely make parenting decisions and it seems like you two are walking on eggshells


She's the kid in this situation, he's not acting like the adult here.

Yes, you are correct. I’ve tried to talk to him and he wouldn’t listen. He’s like that most of the time. I’m used to it. I’m not a firm enough. Me and my DD are really walking on eggshells rn.

Walking on eggshells is SO dysfunctional! Home should be a safe place to fall for everyone. OP, THIS IS NOT OKAY. Either make him leave until he can regulate himself enough to talk or leave and stay with a friend or family member. NO ONE should ever have to feel like they are walking on eggshells in their own home. What are you teaching your daughter?

Told my DD that don’t be like me. Be independent and be strong. Hope that no one treats her like this in the future if she has her own family one day. I know my DH very well. He’s stubborn and hard to talk to. But I will today. I’m done with his BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Because of the snow, the school is closed again today. DD is ready to take the bus and be out of the house now. I’ve tried to explain to him at least give her phone when she is out, so we know her where abouts. He said no. She can figure out how to get home if there is an after school activity. I’m used to his behavior. But it’s hard to watch how is he treating his own DD. Last night she came to me crying that he is still mad at her and doesn’t say he loves her anymore, why he hates her so much etc… I wanted to all of us have a talk together but I don’t know what to say and how to say. Because I know he won’t give me a chance to say what I want. If I look back, he’s been always a hard to communicate and emotionally abusive

So I agree with you he needs to stop the silent treatment. I posted above with the 13yo.
However, YOU are wrong to say give her the phone back because she’s out and about. NO. If she’s had the phone taken away( it’s taken away completely. Otherwise it’s a pointless consequence.

DD is okay not having her phone now. Yes, silent treatment needs to stop. I can handle that but she is not taking it well. I’m mad at myself now that I let this happen to too far.

[Anonymous]

Help your DD by talking to her and not being an enabler by gaslighting her that her father loves her but is punishing her with silent treatment.

You can acknowledge flaws and help her plan for the future. She will not be under his thumb forever.

Also, plan for yourself after she leaves. I don’t know how old you are, but I assure you that you will not be able to put up with this some day. Realize that and plan for your future self even if you can't see yourself doing that now.

[Anonymous]

Your DH is being emotionally abusive. Stonewalling is abuse. He's abusing your child.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s important that kids learn that poor choices can have lasting effects on relationships- discipline not enough to teach that. Lying to someone you love is damaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD is a good student. She does gymnastics all year long and also doing school gymnastics for this season. Started to work part time during school year. DH was too harsh on her saying that she broke the trust and he has a hard time believing her. He shut her off without listening to her apology. Since then he is being too mean. I took her out with me to run errands the other day and grab some take out to eat. He blamed me that I’m being too soft on her. According to him she should eat food at home and suffer more. I don’t want that. I’m tired of his strictness. She is already stressed and feeling that she wants to graduate HS and be out of the house. He doesn’t realize it’s damaging. If I try to explain to him, he won’t listen. It’s no point of getting into arguments.

You were wrong to take her out to eat and reward her. He’s not to strict.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an ass.

You suck as a mother.

Leave him with your DD today.

What is wrong with you?

Who stays with a person that does this OP?
Seriously you need therapy and your DD needs new parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s important that kids learn that poor choices can have lasting effects on relationships- discipline not enough to teach that. Lying to someone you love is damaging.

You are a piss poor parent if what OP's DD did would irrevocably damage your relationship with your child.

But some parents are terribly immature

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't have a conversation about this also is a red flag to me. He doesn't get to solely make parenting decisions and it seems like you two are walking on eggshells


She's the kid in this situation, he's not acting like the adult here.

Yes, you are correct. I’ve tried to talk to him and he wouldn’t listen. He’s like that most of the time. I’m used to it. I’m not a firm enough. Me and my DD are really walking on eggshells rn.

Walking on eggshells is SO dysfunctional! Home should be a safe place to fall for everyone. OP, THIS IS NOT OKAY. Either make him leave until he can regulate himself enough to talk or leave and stay with a friend or family member. NO ONE should ever have to feel like they are walking on eggshells in their own home. What are you teaching your daughter?

Told my DD that don’t be like me. Be independent and be strong. Hope that no one treats her like this in the future if she has her own family one day. I know my DH very well. He’s stubborn and hard to talk to. But I will today. I’m done with his BS.

You are a crappy parent if that’s what you said. You are wishy washy in your responses so I think there is probably more to the story. It’s never one parent is 100% right and one is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't have a conversation about this also is a red flag to me. He doesn't get to solely make parenting decisions and it seems like you two are walking on eggshells


She's the kid in this situation, he's not acting like the adult here.

Yes, you are correct. I’ve tried to talk to him and he wouldn’t listen. He’s like that most of the time. I’m used to it. I’m not a firm enough. Me and my DD are really walking on eggshells rn.

Walking on eggshells is SO dysfunctional! Home should be a safe place to fall for everyone. OP, THIS IS NOT OKAY. Either make him leave until he can regulate himself enough to talk or leave and stay with a friend or family member. NO ONE should ever have to feel like they are walking on eggshells in their own home. What are you teaching your daughter?

Told my DD that don’t be like me. Be independent and be strong. Hope that no one treats her like this in the future if she has her own family one day. I know my DH very well. He’s stubborn and hard to talk to. But I will today. I’m done with his BS.

You are a crappy parent if that’s what you said. You are wishy washy in your responses so I think there is probably more to the story. It’s never one parent is 100% right and one is wrong.

You have no idea if this is true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Because of the snow, the school is closed again today. DD is ready to take the bus and be out of the house now. I’ve tried to explain to him at least give her phone when she is out, so we know her where abouts. He said no. She can figure out how to get home if there is an after school activity. I’m used to his behavior. But it’s hard to watch how is he treating his own DD. Last night she came to me crying that he is still mad at her and doesn’t say he loves her anymore, why he hates her so much etc… I wanted to all of us have a talk together but I don’t know what to say and how to say. Because I know he won’t give me a chance to say what I want. If I look back, he’s been always a hard to communicate and emotionally abusive

He is being too hard but you are being too soft. He’s probably digging in twice as hard and annoyed that you took her out to eat while she was getting punished. She could have eaten at home. You were both wrong in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an ass.

You suck as a mother.

Leave him with your DD today.

What is wrong with you?

Who stays with a person that does this OP?
Seriously you need therapy and your DD needs new parents.

I do need a therapy. I’m not a good lately. I’m always blaming myself for anything.