holiday visits to god-awful hometowns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just deal with it to see my parents who I love and could lose at any moment? It's not really a challenge to be somewhere kind of boring for a little while.

+1000

I find OP’s tone so rude and snobbish. You are talking about your elderly parents on a limited income. So what if it’s boring? Of course it’s boring visiting parents in small towns with teens. Get over yourself. Make the best of it.

They're not on a limited income. They have pensions that would make most of us cry.

[Anonymous]

OP, it almost sounds like you're carrying baggage about growing up there or are embarrassed to go back there with your own family. To which I say: get over it and stop complaining. Why not focus on making the most of your time with your parents rather than focusing on what the surrounding area does or doesn't offer in terms of entertainment? You can't change the surroundings but you can change your attitude and be proactive about ways of making the trip more enjoyable. Bring a card game or board game, find a movie to see or a place to have dinner (even if it's--gasp--a Chili's). At some point you won't have to worry about visiting your parents for the holidays because they'll be dead. In the meantime, make the trip as short as possible, be prepared to find your own entertainment, and try to focus on the positives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.

It's been 30+ years. There's no one there I'd meet up with. Everyone I was close to moved away or I lost touch with.

They're really not interested in traveling. They see the world as a dangerous place (thank you, FOX). We took a trip with them a few years ago. I don't think they enjoyed it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Parents can't move just to make it interesting for you and your kids to visit them. Switch up the hosting and you be the host instead.

I love my hometown. Would love to go home for the holidays--super cute and magical. Unfortunately, parents divorced and neither live there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess.. you are headed our way...

Loudoun?
Fairfax County?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.

It's been 30+ years. There's no one there I'd meet up with. Everyone I was close to moved away or I lost touch with.

They're really not interested in traveling. They see the world as a dangerous place (thank you, FOX). We took a trip with them a few years ago. I don't think they enjoyed it.

DP. Well by all means, definitely wallow in the misery of having to go back to see your provincial, uninteresting parents in a s-hole town that you are far too good for, and complain as much as you can about how you'll be bored out of your mind. Make sure to double down any time someone suggests an alternative approach that might make the trip more enjoyable. Happy Holidays!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm trying to find ways to make it more interesting. What makes this even more excruciating is that we have to spend a lot of money to get there. Fly in (with a layover), rent a car, sit in traffic for an hour to get to this town.

They threatened for years to retire to a beach town or northeastern tourist area people visit for the fall foliage. But that ship has sailed. I'm envious of my friends with parents who moved to fun in the sun resort towns.

You can a) reduce the amount of time you spend in the "god-awful" destination or b) recognize that it's not a tourist town, and use that time to do things that people enjoy that are found in many towns (ex: hiking, movies, bowling/mini-golf/iceskating, shopping). My kids actually read and talk a lot more just chilling out at their grandparents and haven't complained much about it--it's a break from their busy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just deal with it to see my parents who I love and could lose at any moment? It's not really a challenge to be somewhere kind of boring for a little while.

This. However OP is immature AF.

How dare her parents not live in South Beach?!

[Anonymous]

Just switch traditions and stay home for Christmas. I've been doing that since my kids were old enough to know it was Christmas. You are adults, it's time to make your own traditions and your parents can join if they like.

[Anonymous]

1. I don't travel for Christmas (or any of the other major holidays).

2. I visit my hometown during the time of year that is interesting to be there. Which happens to be mid-June.

3. I bring my parents to see us at least once a year. Even with them aging, they like to get out and it's more affordable than having my family go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.

It's been 30+ years. There's no one there I'd meet up with. Everyone I was close to moved away or I lost touch with.

They're really not interested in traveling. They see the world as a dangerous place (thank you, FOX). We took a trip with them a few years ago. I don't think they enjoyed it.

OP -- why not just admit to yourself that you don't want to spend time with your parents? Stop looking for excuses.

My parents live in a town that definitely doesn't have a metro connecting it to the big city. You know what we do when we stay with them? Fix all the things they didn't notice or didn't have the energy to fix, declutter the things they need decluttered, and buy the things that would make their lives better when we leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.

It's been 30+ years. There's no one there I'd meet up with. Everyone I was close to moved away or I lost touch with.

They're really not interested in traveling. They see the world as a dangerous place (thank you, FOX). We took a trip with them a few years ago. I don't think they enjoyed it.

OP -- why not just admit to yourself that you don't want to spend time with your parents? Stop looking for excuses.

My parents live in a town that definitely doesn't have a metro connecting it to the big city. You know what we do when we stay with them? Fix all the things they didn't notice or didn't have the energy to fix, declutter the things they need decluttered, and buy the things that would make their lives better when we leave.

NP. That's wonderful that they accept your help (or at least look the other way). My parents get angry when we try and help declutter (even though they constantly complain about their "stuff."). If we try and organize or switch their prescriptions to delivery or a drive through pharmacy or anything else helpful, they decline. Your suggestion of spending Christmas vacation in service of older parents might not actually be well-received by those parents...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.

It's been 30+ years. There's no one there I'd meet up with. Everyone I was close to moved away or I lost touch with.

They're really not interested in traveling. They see the world as a dangerous place (thank you, FOX). We took a trip with them a few years ago. I don't think they enjoyed it.

What about other parts of america, even in red states, do they view all of that as dangerous too apart from their town?

It sounds like you don't enjoy spending time with your parents (which may be fair) but that's a separate issue than the location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you grow up there?
Can you just resign yourself to getting around to wherever the way you did as a teen?

OP here. I grew up there and was thrilled to go away to school. Other than them, I have no ties there. My parents talked about moving for years, and I looked forward to hearing them finally say they found a place. At this point, visiting them feels like going to Miss Havisham's but the tragedy wasn't being left at the altar, it was the kids growing up. Part of it is the feeling in the house, I have to admit. They're not a happy couple. There's no joy there.

It sounds like it must be more to do with the tension in the house? It has to be. Because a suburb that’s not walkable to a cute downtown with coffee shops and bookstores and holiday decorations is …. Not unusual. It’s actually the norm. It’s sort of like saying “I hate visiting my hometown because there isn’t even a water park within the city limits!” It’s like…. yeah that’s pretty normal? Don’t get me wrong, walkable Star Hollow-like downtowns are great, but saying you hate visiting your parents because they don’t have one is weird. Especially since you can apparently metro into a large city!!

That being said if you want to stay home for Christmas then stay home. We do. But it’s not because my parents and in laws live in sprawling suburbs without a coffee shop we can walk to. It’s because flying over the holidays sucks and my kids (and I!) want to relax at home for Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have been in the same house for 40+ years in my cookie-cutter hometown. We're visiting for Christmas and DH and I have agreed this is not how we want to spend future holidays when we have time off. The kids are older and get antsy after two days. The only thing of interest to do is drive or take the metro into the big nearby city, but even that has gotten old. For those who are also obliged to spend their time off more or less sitting in their parents living room eating coffee cake being asked questions about people you haven't seen in decades, how do you cope?

This isn't even a walkable place with a pretty downtown with Christmas lights and coffee shops and bookstores. Walking around there isn't even safe. It's a sprawling suburb off a busy road that no one in their right mind would want to walk. No paved walkway for pedestrians. You're literally tiptoeing on a narrow dirt path through weeds to get to a Starbucks a mile away. My parents, of course, think it's a wonderful place and don't understand why we are bored or ask about meeting elsewhere for the holidays. I've suggested cruises, meeting up in a pretty tourist destination, anything. But they refuse.

It’s big enough to have a metro connect it to a big city, how bad can it really be? Why can’t you just enjoy being with your parents for a few days and find things to do in the city with a metro?

There are only about 15 cities in the US that have a subway system, and most of those cities are fairly large.

This. Unless you're staying for 2 weeks+, I'm not sympathetic to this post. Ask your kids to help their grandparents do things they're having challenges with (fix their computer virus, help them clean out the attic), go out to dinner at a restaurant that everyone likes, play pinball at the local arcade, take a walk in the woods, read a book. Do a city day when they've had enough.