holiday visits to god-awful hometowns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have been in the same house for 40+ years in my cookie-cutter hometown. We're visiting for Christmas and DH and I have agreed this is not how we want to spend future holidays when we have time off. The kids are older and get antsy after two days. The only thing of interest to do is drive or take the metro into the big nearby city, but even that has gotten old. For those who are also obliged to spend their time off more or less sitting in their parents living room eating coffee cake being asked questions about people you haven't seen in decades, how do you cope?

This isn't even a walkable place with a pretty downtown with Christmas lights and coffee shops and bookstores. Walking around there isn't even safe. It's a sprawling suburb off a busy road that no one in their right mind would want to walk. No paved walkway for pedestrians. You're literally tiptoeing on a narrow dirt path through weeds to get to a Starbucks a mile away. My parents, of course, think it's a wonderful place and don't understand why we are bored or ask about meeting elsewhere for the holidays. I've suggested cruises, meeting up in a pretty tourist destination, anything. But they refuse.

It’s big enough to have a metro connect it to a big city, how bad can it really be? Why can’t you just enjoy being with your parents for a few days and find things to do in the city with a metro?

There are only about 15 cities in the US that have a subway system, and most of those cities are fairly large.

That jumped out at me too, when I read there was a freaking metro.

Suck it up, Buttercup. You want a Hallmark movie town, but instead you've got a suburb in what sounds like a metropolis area. So take the dang metro and do stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just deal with it to see my parents who I love and could lose at any moment? It's not really a challenge to be somewhere kind of boring for a little while.

This. It's a few days out of your life, OP. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Broadview, Illinois. I'm calling it

[Anonymous]

There’s a metro??? Lucky!!! My DH’s hometown stinks. It’s 90 mins by car to the closest big city and the city MIL lives in has almost no people due to decades of industry moving overseas. There are no good restaurants and it’s freezing cold all winter. Literally, the ONLY thing to do is go to the movie theater or sit at home. So, we see a lot of movies, play a lot of board
games and cook.

[Anonymous]

Go from December x through Christmas morning, then leave for somewhere fun like a cruise, the Caribbean, or skiing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a metro??? Lucky!!! My DH’s hometown stinks. It’s 90 mins by car to the closest big city and the city MIL lives in has almost no people due to decades of industry moving overseas. There are no good restaurants and it’s freezing cold all winter. Literally, the ONLY thing to do is go to the movie theater or sit at home. So, we see a lot of movies, play a lot of board
games and cook.

Same with my DH's hometown, so we don't go. I've offered to go many times, but he's the one who doesn't want to go back. He takes a solo trip to check in on his parents once a year for 2 days. We pay to fly them out to stay with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you grow up there?
Can you just resign yourself to getting around to wherever the way you did as a teen?

OP here. I grew up there and was thrilled to go away to school. Other than them, I have no ties there. My parents talked about moving for years, and I looked forward to hearing them finally say they found a place. At this point, visiting them feels like going to Miss Havisham's but the tragedy wasn't being left at the altar, it was the kids growing up. Part of it is the feeling in the house, I have to admit. They're not a happy couple. There's no joy there.

[Anonymous]

We used to go bowling at our grandparents in a town with nothing else to do. I loved that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just deal with it to see my parents who I love and could lose at any moment? It's not really a challenge to be somewhere kind of boring for a little while.

+1000

I find OP’s tone so rude and snobbish. You are talking about your elderly parents on a limited income. So what if it’s boring? Of course it’s boring visiting parents in small towns with teens. Get over yourself. Make the best of it.

[Anonymous]

You go to see your parents and that's about it OP. Do fun holiday stuff while you are at home before Christmas.

Buy some games to keep at their house,.or plan to watch some movies. Bake cookies or treats together. Plan to drive places like Starbucks instead of walk. Find some local suburban parks or trails to walk on if kids need to burn off energy. I would just dedicate this time to seeing your parents and doing things at home with them as much as possible.

I always tried to combine visits with parents to do something to help them at the same time, while we were there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you grow up there?
Can you just resign yourself to getting around to wherever the way you did as a teen?

OP here. I grew up there and was thrilled to go away to school. Other than them, I have no ties there. My parents talked about moving for years, and I looked forward to hearing them finally say they found a place. At this point, visiting them feels like going to Miss Havisham's but the tragedy wasn't being left at the altar, it was the kids growing up. Part of it is the feeling in the house, I have to admit. They're not a happy couple. There's no joy there.

Honestly you sound like a Debbie Downer yourself! It must be genetic.

[Anonymous]

If there's a metro it can't be that bad. You need to try harder.

Find a charity and have your kids buy and wrap gifts for others. Make holiday cards and cookies for the neighbors.

Go to a Chinese buffet, kids love that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you grow up there?
Can you just resign yourself to getting around to wherever the way you did as a teen?

OP here. I grew up there and was thrilled to go away to school. Other than them, I have no ties there. My parents talked about moving for years, and I looked forward to hearing them finally say they found a place. At this point, visiting them feels like going to Miss Havisham's but the tragedy wasn't being left at the altar, it was the kids growing up. Part of it is the feeling in the house, I have to admit. They're not a happy couple. There's no joy there.

Here it is- the parents are unhappy. OP, I get it, it can be quite a buzzkill to visit unhappy people, especially at the holidays. I suggest games, puzzles, movies, visits of no more than 3 nights, and considering visiting either before or after the holidays some years to give yourselves a break. It sounds like you're given them options for alternate locations. They don't get to dictate how everyone spends Christmas every year. If you have invited them to something that they can reasonably attend and they said no, you have met your obligation.

Where are your ILs in this equation?

[Anonymous]

Wait, what? You and your husband agreed that going to this suburban hellscape was no way to spend Christmas but you're going to this suburban hellscape to spend Christmas?

Why exactly are you doing this again?

[Anonymous]

OP PPs have given some ideas about making it more enjoyable and manageable. Also, if you grew up there, are there still people you know that you could meet up with? Do any of them have same-age kids?

And you don't need your parents agreement to go elsewhere for Xmas or other holidays. Just do it. Our situation is not the same but we often travel over the holidays and sometimes bring my parents or DH's. If they can't afford it, can you offer to pay or cover some expenses? You're already paying to fly for the Xmas you're describing here.