holiday visits to god-awful hometowns

[Anonymous]

My parents have been in the same house for 40+ years in my cookie-cutter hometown. We're visiting for Christmas and DH and I have agreed this is not how we want to spend future holidays when we have time off. The kids are older and get antsy after two days. The only thing of interest to do is drive or take the metro into the big nearby city, but even that has gotten old. For those who are also obliged to spend their time off more or less sitting in their parents living room eating coffee cake being asked questions about people you haven't seen in decades, how do you cope?

This isn't even a walkable place with a pretty downtown with Christmas lights and coffee shops and bookstores. Walking around there isn't even safe. It's a sprawling suburb off a busy road that no one in their right mind would want to walk. No paved walkway for pedestrians. You're literally tiptoeing on a narrow dirt path through weeds to get to a Starbucks a mile away. My parents, of course, think it's a wonderful place and don't understand why we are bored or ask about meeting elsewhere for the holidays. I've suggested cruises, meeting up in a pretty tourist destination, anything. But they refuse.

[Anonymous]

Did you grow up there?
Can you just resign yourself to getting around to wherever the way you did as a teen?

[Anonymous]

Can you just go for 3 nights? Say if they want to see you longer, it needs to be elsewhere? Are they fit enough to travel? Can you see them for a couple of days a second time during the year but by yourself?

[Anonymous]

I pack a suitcase of activities. And do some internet sleuthing and check out some of the weird things about your town, kids love that. We went to the tree that caught a cow (cow skeleton still in branches) during a tornado in my hometown, and that was a big hit.

[Anonymous]

You have the Christmas of your dreams elsewhere and you visit your family at another time of the year.

Your parents live there because the cost of living is lower. You don't want them to move somewhere more expensive, because that might mean you need to pony up. So compromise: you visit at a time that's convenient for your family, take books/work/homework and whatnot.

Bonus: perhaps you not coming for Holidays one year will push them to leave their home and come to where you are. Or not. Maybe they can't travel anymore. But you don't need to feel trapped and resentful. You just need to see your parents regularly, not necessarily at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

I just deal with it to see my parents who I love and could lose at any moment? It's not really a challenge to be somewhere kind of boring for a little while.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm trying to find ways to make it more interesting. What makes this even more excruciating is that we have to spend a lot of money to get there. Fly in (with a layover), rent a car, sit in traffic for an hour to get to this town.

They threatened for years to retire to a beach town or northeastern tourist area people visit for the fall foliage. But that ship has sailed. I'm envious of my friends with parents who moved to fun in the sun resort towns.

[Anonymous]

You cant go for 2-3 days and be resilient and kind enough to just...sit with your parents? Take games, books, teach your kids to be bored. Bring gifts to wrap there. Drive to Starbucks or order it. I don't see the problem. You sound like a brat. FWIW I am a 40-something mom with teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have the Christmas of your dreams elsewhere and you visit your family at another time of the year.

Your parents live there because the cost of living is lower. You don't want them to move somewhere more expensive, because that might mean you need to pony up. So compromise: you visit at a time that's convenient for your family, take books/work/homework and whatnot.

Bonus: perhaps you not coming for Holidays one year will push them to leave their home and come to where you are. Or not. Maybe they can't travel anymore. But you don't need to feel trapped and resentful. You just need to see your parents regularly, not necessarily at Christmas.

Here's the thing. The cost of living is not lower. The school taxes are exorbitant. They could have bought a nice condo after 10 years of paying the school taxes alone. They could sell their house for a million tomorrow morning. They just don't know where else to go. It's more my father than anything. He's risk averse and so they stayed put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents have been in the same house for 40+ years in my cookie-cutter hometown. We're visiting for Christmas and DH and I have agreed this is not how we want to spend future holidays when we have time off. The kids are older and get antsy after two days. The only thing of interest to do is drive or take the metro into the big nearby city, but even that has gotten old. For those who are also obliged to spend their time off more or less sitting in their parents living room eating coffee cake being asked questions about people you haven't seen in decades, how do you cope?

This isn't even a walkable place with a pretty downtown with Christmas lights and coffee shops and bookstores. Walking around there isn't even safe. It's a sprawling suburb off a busy road that no one in their right mind would want to walk. No paved walkway for pedestrians. You're literally tiptoeing on a narrow dirt path through weeds to get to a Starbucks a mile away. My parents, of course, think it's a wonderful place and don't understand why we are bored or ask about meeting elsewhere for the holidays. I've suggested cruises, meeting up in a pretty tourist destination, anything. But they refuse.

It’s big enough to have a metro connect it to a big city, how bad can it really be? Why can’t you just enjoy being with your parents for a few days and find things to do in the city with a metro?

There are only about 15 cities in the US that have a subway system, and most of those cities are fairly large.

[Anonymous]

Is the problem that no one likes the time with your family or just that no one likes the location?

If I were in a new location that didn't have a lot going on I would:

- plan to see a movie or two since I rarely have time to do that during "normal" times
- find a place for some sort of physical activity (my whole family plays pickleball so we would find a center to go play there)
- pick a recipe or two that are new to make that we wouldn't normally have time for
- find a place to volunteer
- bring some games to play at home

I could keep going but hopefully you get the idea.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go. Life is too short and you only get so many holidays with your kids. Enjoy the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t go. Life is too short and you only get so many holidays with your kids. Enjoy the time!

You only have your parents for so long, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cant go for 2-3 days and be resilient and kind enough to just...sit with your parents? Take games, books, teach your kids to be bored. Bring gifts to wrap there. Drive to Starbucks or order it. I don't see the problem. You sound like a brat. FWIW I am a 40-something mom with teens.

+1 keep it to three days but you can occupy yourselves for that amount of time by watching movies, doing puzzles, reading, bake xmas cookies together, make the drive to the larger city to go out for lunch.

If your parents don't have health issues that limit their ability to travel, suggest that you alternate xmas at their house vs. at your house. Even if you pay for their flights, you may come out ahead

[Anonymous]

I hate my hometown. I don't even like calling that, it's just the place "I grew up."

I just won't go.