DD planning to come visit for the holidays, but . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My policy is a significant other is to be treated very well and welcomed. You never know who is going to be "the one". I brought my dh home fairly fast, in college. Married 22 years.

+1

10 years ago, our son brought home his girlfriend, who he had started dating first semester freshman year. They are getting engaged this Christmas.

If they know they're getting engaged, they're already engaged. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- she informered us she plans to bring along her boyfriend, and to stay at our house!

This is her 1st BF in college; we met the young man on a campus visit earlier this year. He seems nice, but all of this seems a bit sudden and everything. She’s only been dating him since (we believe) this year, though I suspect they may have began dating at the end of last school year in college.

Should we discourage this? Not sure how to navigate this. She’s come home every other year for the holidays (without a bf !), and not this, during her senior year. What would you do?

You are insane what’s wrong with you of course they come to you and you welcome him get to know him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems rather presumptuous on her part. Sounds like she’s testing you. Also, if the boyfriend is any kind of man, he’d offer to stay in a hotel.

But, your house, your rules.

What??

This is just insane who thinks like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would throw open the doors and roll out the red carpet for him.

But he sleeps in the guest room.

This

[Anonymous]

Ok so your house your rules. AND. Do you want a relationship with your adult kid where they make an effort to see you and include you? If yes, start here. This person is clearly special to her. Welcome him warmly. They are adults who have clearly been together awhile let them sleep where they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would throw open the doors and roll out the red carpet for him.

But he sleeps in the guest room.

This is what I would do. And maybe he has no place else to go.

[Anonymous]

It is interesting to me that you describe your college-aged child as "planning to come visit for the holidays." Many of us would say "planning to come home for the holidays."

If you see her as an autonomous adult who "visits" you, then I'm not sure you really have the right to decide and weigh in that this is "a bit sudden and everything."

Do you want a close relationship with her, or do you want to be more like distant relatives who share a common past and harbor vague friendly feelings toward each other? You don't sound very welcoming or loving as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are real jerks.

This.

He’s probably the “wrong” something (color, race, religion, or social class). Otherwise, OP would be humble bragging about how her DD is bringing a bf home for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are real jerks.

This.

He’s probably the “wrong” something (color, race, religion, or social class). Otherwise, OP would be humble bragging about how her DD is bringing a bf home for the holidays.

No, this OP would be bragging about how her DD is "planning to bring a bf with her to visit" for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Well! Thanks (I think) for the diversity of replies here!!

Not what I expected. And also I didn’t expect
To start such a big argument. We are going to go ahead and welcome him in; but of course he stays in the guest bedroom in our house

[Anonymous]

I would ask my daughter whether she wants one room or two. I have very little time or patience with pretending. I also have zero expectations that my kids remain virgins until married.

Unless you are an evangelical bible humper, why on earth would you mind if they shared a room? He clearly is not a one night stand or anything shady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well! Thanks (I think) for the diversity of replies here!!

Not what I expected. And also I didn’t expect
To start such a big argument. We are going to go ahead and welcome him in; but of course he stays in the guest bedroom in our house

Remember that if you’re cold to him and his parents are warm to her, that’s where they are going to spend holidays from now on if they stay together. Your daughter is an adult bringing home her first serious boyfriend for the holidays. Think long term here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems rather presumptuous on her part. Sounds like she’s testing you. Also, if the boyfriend is any kind of man, he’d offer to stay in a hotel.

But, your house, your rules.

That's her home too. She can invite a significant other. She should've asked you though and you should've said yes if you want to know him in caae it becomes long term. If he is coming to visit his girlfriend's family instead of going home to his own family, why would you want him to stay at a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
But he sleeps in the guest room.

This^. It makes little sense but guests should follow host's house rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well! Thanks (I think) for the diversity of replies here!!

Not what I expected. And also I didn’t expect
To start such a big argument. We are going to go ahead and welcome him in; but of course he stays in the guest bedroom in our house

Remember that if you’re cold to him and his parents are warm to her, that’s where they are going to spend holidays from now on if they stay together. Your daughter is an adult bringing home her first serious boyfriend for the holidays. Think long term here

You can just be kind without any agenda. He cares for your DD who cares for him and you care for her so opening your home and getting to know him is a natural thing.