DD planning to come visit for the holidays, but . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- she informered us she plans to bring along her boyfriend, and to stay at our house!

This is her 1st BF in college; we met the young man on a campus visit earlier this year. He seems nice, but all of this seems a bit sudden and everything. She’s only been dating him since (we believe) this year, though I suspect they may have began dating at the end of last school year in college.

Should we discourage this? Not sure how to navigate this. She’s come home every other year for the holidays (without a bf !), and not this, during her senior year. What would you do?

Welcome him? What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

You definitely shouldn’t discourage a visit!

If you have concerns (other than your adult daughter making out in the basement or whatever which isn’t a tenable position) it’s fine to say “sound great, just remember Great Aunt Hilma is visiting from the 24th-28th and will be in the guest room so probably better if he visits before or after that.

Having an adult you don’t know well in your house for a whole Christmas break is a lot, and I think it’s fine to try to avoid a super long visit as long as your are nice about it. Now if it turns out he’s an orphan or something I think you’re out of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems rather presumptuous on her part. Sounds like she’s testing you. Also, if the boyfriend is any kind of man, he’d offer to stay in a hotel.

But, your house, your rules.

Besides the fact that he likely cannot afford that, being a college student and all, why would he make such an offer?

You do understand he’s balls deep in his girlfriend multiple times a week at college, sometimes two or three times in a day, right?

[Anonymous]

Welcome him! Learn about her life.z

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would throw open the doors and roll out the red carpet for him.

But he sleeps in the guest room.

This. Call me old-fashioned. IDC.

[Anonymous]

Welcome him (could be future SIL), be kind, polite, welcoming. And, they sleep in separate rooms. They have to respect the rules in your home - your daughter may fuss, but he should not, he should respect you/your rules.

[Anonymous]

My husband introduced me to his family at a big family event after a couple of dates.

Don't be ridiculous. This isn't "sudden". It's normal. Nothing about your scenario is abnormal, OP.

Welcome the boyfriend and don't be medieval.

[Anonymous]

Tell her there’s no room at the inn. Be unwelcoming.

[Anonymous]

What is this thread???? A nun convent?????

If your kid hasn't dated in high school, then obviously they will date in college. And some of those dates will be brought home during college, if they're nice enough for Mom and Dad. You won't ever see the ones that didn't make the cut.

Some people let their high schooler's dates sleep over. I can't imagine forbidding two adults from inviting each other to their parents' homes.

You don't have any sort of choice, here, OP, unless you want to alienate your kid. Of course you welcome the guest. One or two bedrooms, your choice.

[Anonymous]

You need to welcome a person who's special in your daughter's life!! Why wouldn't you?! So odd and unloving not to. Of course you want to get to know them. The relationship may not last. Of course. It's a journey. But it might. It's your house so you can expect/arrange separate bedrooms. Any guest benefits from some privacy. Say goodnight at an early hour and expect the young people to stay up. Give them their privacy.

Op, you're going to have to give much more information for many of us to understand what you are afraid of.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I went to each others homes in college for holidays. Thanksgiving was the first time I’d met them actually. Luckily they were more welcoming than you. We did have to sleep in separate rooms.

You never know when your kid will meet their spouse!

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t he have a family? Are we talking Christmas Day itself?

[Anonymous]

She’s a senior so 22ish? I would welcome him assuming it’s not for like a whole month.
She should have asked , not have told you, but if you want her to come and you want to maintain a relationship you welcome them both
And you don’t major them sleep in separate rooms. Good grief. They’re both consenting adults.

[Anonymous]

Lol the prudish boomers are clutching their pearls. News alert!! They are having sex while at college!! They can sleep in the same room if you are okay with that op. Welcome him be gracious, kind. You never know if this goes the distance. If there are house rules that are important to you make it known up front - staying out until wee hours? using family car? Pitching in with loading the dishwasher? Help cooking a meal? Shoes off in the house? Grabbing food out of the fridge? Everyone has a trigger or two - What are yours op? It’s a few weeks I assume, so not just 3 days, so be up front regarding expected behavior and you’ll get on swimmingly. I’d be happy that my DC wants their SO to spend time with the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. My policy is a significant other is to be treated very well and welcomed. You never know who is going to be "the one". I brought my dh home fairly fast, in college. Married 22 years.

+1

10 years ago, our son brought home his girlfriend, who he had started dating first semester freshman year. They are getting engaged this Christmas.