DD planning to come visit for the holidays, but . .

[Anonymous]

I agree that the boomers are on this thread with he has to sleep in a separate room. An adult child sleeping in the same room with her partner would not be an issue with any of the parents we know.

My 20 year old DD and her boyfriend travel together whenever they can save enough for a trip including international trips. MIL is aghast that they travel without a chaperone. DH and I almost spit out our coffee when she said this.

[Anonymous]

Be anything other than welcoming and learn the joys of being The Problem. You can go read about them on the family relationships thread. The Problem is the side of the family you try to only see on the 26th, make lots of excuses to avoid, etc.

[Anonymous]

Hope he’s staying in a near by hotel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well! Thanks (I think) for the diversity of replies here!!

Not what I expected. And also I didn’t expect
To start such a big argument. We are going to go ahead and welcome him in; but of course he stays in the guest bedroom in our house

Remember that if you’re cold to him and his parents are warm to her, that’s where they are going to spend holidays from now on if they stay together. Your daughter is an adult bringing home her first serious boyfriend for the holidays. Think long term here

This!!! I met DH of 25 years our sophomore year. Gave my family a chance and have never spent another holiday with them. His family accepted me immediately. Now our kids and us spend every holiday with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that the boomers are on this thread with he has to sleep in a separate room. An adult child sleeping in the same room with her partner would not be an issue with any of the parents we know.

My 20 year old DD and her boyfriend travel together whenever they can save enough for a trip including international trips. MIL is aghast that they travel without a chaperone. DH and I almost spit out our coffee when she said this.

Yeah, you’re so liberal and enlightened.

[Anonymous]

You need to see who this guy is Op. NEVER discourage meeting a person your kid is dating, how else do you intend to participate in the vetting process

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Christmas break can be 1 month long, depending on the college. Does he plan to be with you the whole break? Will he be visiting his family also and then coming to your house for a long weekend? We need more info.[/quote]

Sounds like the daughter graduated already. OP says they started dating at the end of last year of college.[/quote]

But they’re coming for the break this year so still in college

[Anonymous]

The reason you make him sleep in the couch or in a separate room is to let him know off rip that he is welcome but he won’t treat your kid any kind of way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason you make him sleep in the couch or in a separate room is to let him know off rip that he is welcome but he won’t treat your kid any kind of way

Listen Joan, they are already sleeping together and in a mutual relationship. This isn’t treating her any kind of way. Get out of 1965.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason you make him sleep in the couch or in a separate room is to let him know off rip that he is welcome but he won’t treat your kid any kind of way

Listen Joan, they are already sleeping together and in a mutual relationship. This isn’t treating her any kind of way. Get out of 1965.

Not Joan 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. My policy is a significant other is to be treated very well and welcomed. You never know who is going to be "the one". I brought my dh home fairly fast, in college. Married 22 years.

+1

10 years ago, our son brought home his girlfriend, who he had started dating first semester freshman year. They are getting engaged this Christmas.

If they know they're getting engaged, they're already engaged. Congrats!

This^. Its about the mutual decision, not about the engagement ceremony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be anything other than welcoming and learn the joys of being The Problem. You can go read about them on the family relationships thread. The Problem is the side of the family you try to only see on the 26th, make lots of excuses to avoid, etc.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well! Thanks (I think) for the diversity of replies here!!

Not what I expected. And also I didn’t expect
To start such a big argument. We are going to go ahead and welcome him in; but of course he stays in the guest bedroom in our house

It amazes me how some parents actively want and work for and choose a formal, cold, arms-length relationship with their adult children and their partners.

[Anonymous]

Parents aren't "aghast" as one poster put it (and Op we know nothing about your circumstance) but for others, may suspect they are having sex. In some cases living together, but still have him stay in the guest room. The Guest Room is not a statement of disapproval. It's to make the guest feel comfortable, give the guest their own space they can retreat to - when visiting someone else's family, who wouldn't like some space.

[Anonymous]

The first time my college boyfriend visited my parents with me, he had to stay in the guest room. My boyfriend and I giggled at the time but honored it. That boyfriend is now my husband, we've been together 30+ years. By the next visit, we were living together and at that point my parents probably realized asking us to be in separate bedrooms would be silly (though if they asked we would have done it). We all get along well with each other now.