Dating chance at 42F and overweight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 42F single hispanic mom with two adult kids. I have gained a lot of weight and weighing around 185lbs now. I broke up recently with my bf as we were having some issues. I do regret not doing a lot of things to improve our relationship but also looking forward to seeing what is out there for dating. What do you think my prospects are?

Honestly? Not very good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on what sort of relationship you're looking for. Finding men who are emotionally and financially stable and truly available for a LTR is hard for everyone. It's easy to get men to go out on a date with you if you are not choosy and if you have a half way decent body and face. And it's even easier to have hook ups.

No matter what, you need to be visually appealing if you're going to do the apps, and the apps are generally the best way for busy working parents to find someone.

For LTRs, the fact that your kids are grown adults will be a plus. That should send the message to men that you aren't looking to have another baby with them and that they won't be expected to help carry the parenting burden.

As a PP said, it matters where you are carrying the weight. I am the same height and weighed 185 at my heaviest. But I retained an hourglass shape even with all that extra weight, which helped a lot. Some people gain weight and it all goes to the abdomen and makes you look like a big block and really ages you. No matter what, I'd focus on your Ozempic weight loss and toning your body for at least 6 months so that you can look your best when you take pictures for the apps.

I also think you need to address your low libido before starting a new relationship. Having low libido would really obscure what you're feeling for a man, and I imagine it would really confuse him or be a turn off. Hopefully, the weight loss will fix most of this. But I'd see a doc about menopause ASAP.

This is a good advice. I also recommend OP to go deep in therapy and understand her main issues behind the last break-up. Those issues could be from when you were a kid, previous marriage etc and need to be dealt with before you start another relationship. It is very easy if you only want to date and sleep around but I felt that to be hollow at your age. Being a female, I never got the same satisfaction for intimacy as I would get in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating.

[Anonymous]

oh boy! How did you lose him, OP? is there something you are not telling us other than sex and behavioral issues?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating. [/quote]

From one overweight woman to another: eat less. Take a couple of months to figure out how much you'd need to eat to maintain 150 pounds. Eat that for the rest of your life. You don't need Ozempic at your weight.

Or, be happy at your weight and date whoever loves you at that weight.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating. [/quote]

From one overweight woman to another: eat less. Take a couple of months to figure out how much you'd need to eat to maintain 150 pounds. Eat that for the rest of your life. You don't need Ozempic at your weight.

Or, be happy at your weight and date whoever loves you at that weight. [/quote]

It is clear that OP is not happy with her. This brings tiredness, low sex drive, low energy and no interest in doing anything and dating does require a lot of energy and efforts. I say change ozempic to munjaro and get all the hormones checked. It could be a lot of other issues that is causing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating.

Why did you break up?

[Anonymous]

why would you leave such a man unless there is infidelity or abuse going on. Looks like he was expecting sex and there is nothing wrong with it from your partner. You have enough guilt to understand and self-reflect your mistakes and they need to be dealt with before you jump into a new relationship. Looks like you need healing more than dating.

[Anonymous]

Op with not much financial security and being overweight doesn't make it easy for you to date. You need to be real clear on what you need and want from a relationship or may be relationships are not for you and FWB would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 5'3" tall and do have a pretty face but most of my fat is in mid-section area and on thighs. I know it is quite overweight and my weight has fluctuated between 180-205 lbs. I am also trying ozempic and financially could take care of myself but probably won't be able to do 50-50 if we go on a lot of dates.

There were a few issues in our relationship but the most important is the behavior and sex. I have low sex drive because of medical issues or weight and he didn't feel appreciated and I didn't for other reasons when he gets resentful.

Given this information, I would certainly focus on your medical issues and weight in the short term and not think about dating for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 5'3" tall and do have a pretty face but most of my fat is in mid-section area and on thighs. I know it is quite overweight and my weight has fluctuated between 180-205 lbs. I am also trying ozempic and financially could take care of myself but probably won't be able to do 50-50 if we go on a lot of dates.

There were a few issues in our relationship but the most important is the behavior and sex. I have low sex drive because of medical issues or weight and he didn't feel appreciated and I didn't for other reasons when he gets resentful.

Given this information, I would certainly focus on your medical issues and weight in the short term and not think about dating for a while.

what is a while and what if OP don't get her sex drive back? Does she still expected to put in same efforts as a younger woman with a high sex drive? Relationships are tricky and it is good to know what her expectations are for future relationships.

[Anonymous]

medical issues need to be treated first.

[Anonymous]

Respectfully, anyone asking what their prospects are has low prospects. The things that make a person attractive beyond superficiality, like confidence, integrity, a sense of humor, those are things you either know you have or don't have enough self-esteem to validate for yourself. Advertising your physical stats like you're just a body isn't attractive. If you're asking what kind of treatment you deserve because you're overweight, well, some jerk will probably be happy to show you.

The phrase "know your worth" gets thrown around a lot but it's important. Do YOU like your body? Do you feel comfortable in your skin? Don't date until you do, because you'll probably settle for the first "good enough" person who doesn't treat you like total garbage (at least, not at first). It's critically important for people looking for more than a one-nighter to value themselves and understand what they're bringing to the proverbial table. If it's not money and looks, which are a pathetically low bar, what is it? What makes you valuable?

Stop seeing yourself as an object and start enjoying and appreciating the things beyond base physicality that make you who you are. Respect yourself and you'll attract people who respect you.

[Anonymous]

There is a lid for every pot. Sure, it is totally possible for you to find love again.

That being said, you are not the standard size you can find at target or most stores. Most likely, your future bf is not an option on Amazon prime; more like a special order via 3rd party and will take some time to arrive.

You are about a year away and probably some surgery to tie up loose skin to be an off the shelf catch. But who cares? Either way you have journey to find the right parter who loves you as is; or you change yourself and love yourself for your journey and happen to meet a man at the end.

Good luck, either path you choose you should be happy with the outcome.

[Anonymous]

I am 50 year old, divorced. Fit but avg looking. OP, you can work on wght, face is entirely different issue! Work on health and you are young!