Dating chance at 42F and overweight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 5'3" tall and do have a pretty face but most of my fat is in mid-section area and on thighs. I know it is quite overweight and my weight has fluctuated between 180-205 lbs. I am also trying ozempic and financially could take care of myself but probably won't be able to do 50-50 if we go on a lot of dates.

There were a few issues in our relationship but the most important is the behavior and sex. I have low sex drive because of medical issues or weight and he didn't feel appreciated and I didn't for other reasons when he gets resentful.

Plenty of men who find that kind of figure very attractive. Date those men and they are there.

My experience is that it would show up in OP if she is already this concerned about her weight. Men do date big women but only just for date here and there and not for LTR. Sex is also important for them and if OP can't do that regularly then it is going to be a problem again.

What? You really think fat people dont get in relationships?

They do but OP sounds a bit negative and low her prospects and it is very unattractive to be in relationship and also be like that. They also won't pay for OP and would go for 50-50 which is not what she wants.

Sure. Men only marry women who think highly of themselves. You must be 12 years old.

There is a difference between sleeping around and LTR. Just dating is easy but it is also hard work at the starting when you have to figure out the other person and not drop your guard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 5'3" tall and do have a pretty face but most of my fat is in mid-section area and on thighs. I know it is quite overweight and my weight has fluctuated between 180-205 lbs. I am also trying ozempic and financially could take care of myself but probably won't be able to do 50-50 if we go on a lot of dates.

There were a few issues in our relationship but the most important is the behavior and sex. I have low sex drive because of medical issues or weight and he didn't feel appreciated and I didn't for other reasons when he gets resentful.

Plenty of men who find that kind of figure very attractive. Date those men and they are there.

My experience is that it would show up in OP if she is already this concerned about her weight. Men do date big women but only just for date here and there and not for LTR. Sex is also important for them and if OP can't do that regularly then it is going to be a problem again.

What? You really think fat people dont get in relationships?

They do but OP sounds a bit negative and low her prospects and it is very unattractive to be in relationship and also be like that. They also won't pay for OP and would go for 50-50 which is not what she wants.

Sure. Men only marry women who think highly of themselves. You must be 12 years old.

There is a difference between sleeping around and LTR. Just dating is easy but it is also hard work at the starting when you have to figure out the other person and not drop your guard.

What BS. Insecure people get married everyday. And confident, beautiful, rich people marry crappy people all the time too.

If OP were masking her insecurities and lying about being happy with her body when she is not, that would be the problem. There is no problem with admitting that you are a work in progress. We all are, and we will all die single if we waiting to be perfect before we find someone.

Sounds to me like OP is not afraid to admit her faults. There is a man out there who will love and cherish her as is, as long as she is patient and does not jump on the first guy who smiles at her. Of course, she should work hard on getting better, but she can find a solid relationship just the way she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42F single hispanic mom with two adult kids. I have gained a lot of weight and weighing around 185lbs now. I broke up recently with my bf as we were having some issues. I do regret not doing a lot of things to improve our relationship but also looking forward to seeing what is out there for dating. What do you think my prospects are?

Are you a hot chubby latina? Hispanic guys like them a lot. Your prospects with white guys aren’t good. Most of them don’t like chubby women.

I am hispanic and not a big fan of girls that big. Black guys do like them thick though.

You are one Hispanic guy. You don't represent all. Just like you cannot speak for all black guys.

OP, remember that you are only looking for one guy. Yes, it might be harder to find someone than if you were looking at 150 pounds. However it is not impossible. And look around you. There are many chubby guys too. These guys are not getting skinny women. If you don't mind a chubby guy, you will be fine. If you like your men slim, you will increase your chances by losing the weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42F single hispanic mom with two adult kids. I have gained a lot of weight and weighing around 185lbs now. I broke up recently with my bf as we were having some issues. I do regret not doing a lot of things to improve our relationship but also looking forward to seeing what is out there for dating. What do you think my prospects are?

Are you a hot chubby latina? Hispanic guys like them a lot. Your prospects with white guys aren’t good. Most of them don’t like chubby women.

I am hispanic and not a big fan of girls that big. Black guys do like them thick though.

Yeah, okay. It's definitely just black guys who like their women fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your breakup is recent, use the next 6-12 months to focus on yourself. Your health, your appearance, your mind, your career. Don’t look to be dating now.

This is the best advice. It's one thing to wonder about future prospects, it's quite another to want to jump into another relationship so soon after the last one went south. Self care, self improvement.

Op here again. I know these are the right thing to do but feeling low that I won't find anyone again that would love me and may be I am getting impatient as I am aging. My last relationship lasted 3 years and there are a lot of good things I miss from it.

Stop assuming you must be in a relationship to be happy. That is a story that you tell yourself. As recent history has shown you, being in some relationships makes one less happy.

When working on yourself, include therapy.

You still exist and are whole, as a single person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your breakup is recent, use the next 6-12 months to focus on yourself. Your health, your appearance, your mind, your career. Don’t look to be dating now.

This is the best advice. It's one thing to wonder about future prospects, it's quite another to want to jump into another relationship so soon after the last one went south. Self care, self improvement.

Op here again. I know these are the right thing to do but feeling low that I won't find anyone again that would love me and may be I am getting impatient as I am aging. My last relationship lasted 3 years and there are a lot of good things I miss from it.

Stop assuming you must be in a relationship to be happy. That is a story that you tell yourself. As recent history has shown you, being in some relationships makes one less happy.

When working on yourself, include therapy.

You still exist and are whole, as a single person.

this is what I was talking about that OP seems to be panicking and concerned that her weight reflects what kind of person she is which is not. How much you focus on your insecurities come out sooner or later in a relationship. she should focus on herself with some therapy to get better and the love will come in your life whenever you want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42F single hispanic mom with two adult kids. I have gained a lot of weight and weighing around 185lbs now. I broke up recently with my bf as we were having some issues. I do regret not doing a lot of things to improve our relationship but also looking forward to seeing what is out there for dating. What do you think my prospects are?

Are you a hot chubby latina? Hispanic guys like them a lot. Your prospects with white guys aren’t good. Most of them don’t like chubby women.

I am hispanic and not a big fan of girls that big. Black guys do like them thick though.

You are one Hispanic guy. You don't represent all. Just like you cannot speak for all black guys.

OP, remember that you are only looking for one guy. Yes, it might be harder to find someone than if you were looking at 150 pounds. However it is not impossible. And look around you. There are many chubby guys too. These guys are not getting skinny women. If you don't mind a chubby guy, you will be fine. If you like your men slim, you will increase your chances by losing the weight.

This also feels like a generalization. I’m a slim and fit man and if a woman has a good personality I won’t care if she’s 150 or 185.

[Anonymous]

This focus on weight is really BS. One of my friends is similarly sized to OP and gets plenty of dates on OLD. She's very cute and confident and only a few years younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This focus on weight is really BS. One of my friends is similarly sized to OP and gets plenty of dates on OLD. She's very cute and confident and only a few years younger.

Getting dates for a woman in any age group is very easy but does it go farther than that? I am a woman in my late 30s and honestly don't care about dates but if there is anything meaningful would come out of it. Going on dates would get exhausting after a while and a lot of my single unmarried friends in early 40s just continue to go on dates for years and nothing happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am 5'3" tall and do have a pretty face but most of my fat is in mid-section area and on thighs. I know it is quite overweight and my weight has fluctuated between 180-205 lbs. I am also trying ozempic and financially could take care of myself but probably won't be able to do 50-50 if we go on a lot of dates.

There were a few issues in our relationship but the most important is the behavior and sex. I have low sex drive because of medical issues or weight and he didn't feel appreciated and I didn't for other reasons when he gets resentful.

Well, dating for the man necessarily includes sex with you. Unless he is gay. Or an asexual.

Maybe you could look for a friend instead of trying to date?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating. [/quote]

From one overweight woman to another: eat less. Take a couple of months to figure out how much you'd need to eat to maintain 150 pounds. Eat that for the rest of your life. You don't need Ozempic at your weight.

Or, be happy at your weight and date whoever loves you at that weight. [/quote]

OP is only 5’3” her goal should be more around 120 lbs, maybe 130 with menopause gain

[Anonymous]

An average American man is 28% body fat and an average American woman is 40% body fat. You’re gonna be fine, OP. It’s not like you’re in Scandinavia where everyone looks like a supermodel. I’d really focus on building your self-esteem though and spend some time just focusing on your relationship with yourself before you start dating again.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating. [/quote]

From one overweight woman to another: eat less. Take a couple of months to figure out how much you'd need to eat to maintain 150 pounds. Eat that for the rest of your life. You don't need Ozempic at your weight.

Or, be happy at your weight and date whoever loves you at that weight. [/quote]

OP is only 5’3” her goal should be more around 120 lbs, maybe 130 with menopause gain[/quote]

Meh. Setting smaller attainable goals is better than setting grander ones. It's very reasonable to expect someone to lose 30 pounds in less than a year. It's much harder to lose 50. Plus, being 20 pounds overweight is much better than being 50 pounds overweight.

OP does not need to be perfect size. She will benefit from an attainable 30 pound weight loss
It will boost her self esteem and make her look much better. If she wants to keep going after that, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An average American man is 28% body fat and an average American woman is 40% body fat. You’re gonna be fine, OP. It’s not like you’re in Scandinavia where everyone looks like a supermodel. I’d really focus on building your self-esteem though and spend some time just focusing on your relationship with yourself before you start dating again.

But with the amount of weight OP mentioned, she is in Obese category with BMI of 33+. I can understand it affects her self-esteem but may be she is just busy that she doesn't care of herself.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am like 1.5 hrs away from DC and usually come down to date. I am very independent and liberal but couldn't do 50-50 on a date when I was going out before I met my ex-bf. He was very good in financial department and paid for everything from Caribbean trips, expensive gifts, eating out, a lot of stuff for my house, also gifts for my kids, etc and I regret things not working out with him. I doubt I would find another guy who is so invested in me and also support me financially.

I have been taking ozempic but it is not doing much after dropping 10 lbs and it is very frustrating. [/quote]

From one overweight woman to another: eat less. Take a couple of months to figure out how much you'd need to eat to maintain 150 pounds. Eat that for the rest of your life. You don't need Ozempic at your weight.

Or, be happy at your weight and date whoever loves you at that weight. [/quote]

OP is only 5’3” her goal should be more around 120 lbs, maybe 130 with menopause gain[/quote]

Meh. Setting smaller attainable goals is better than setting grander ones. It's very reasonable to expect someone to lose 30 pounds in less than a year. It's much harder to lose 50. Plus, being 20 pounds overweight is much better than being 50 pounds overweight.

OP does not need to be perfect size. She will benefit from an attainable 30 pound weight loss
It will boost her self esteem and make her look much better. If she wants to keep going after that, great.[/quote]

Looks like OP had a very good catch with her ex-bf and not sure exactly what happened but it could be that her own insecurity about her weight and self esteem that was causing issues in the relationship. After break-up, she is on the bandwagon for dating again rather than working on herself, losing weight etc.