Feel backed into a corner with DH and like I’m about to break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The job market is absolutely horrendous. There are more people than there are actual jobs.

it’s really interesting to see this sentiment become more and more common with women. I say this as a woman… but a lot of women are now experiencing the stress of having to provide for an entire family. Men have been going through this forever… now we know how men feel.

I don’t believe you’re a woman because no woman would ignore the fact OP’s husband isn’t taking up the historical “women’s work” of the household.

+100. Traditional men’s role had the benefit of no housework/minimal childcare. OP is doing the job of 2 people right now.

It was clearly a man who wrote that comment about women now going through what men went through….he did’t even notice the housework/childcare.

Men should embrace more traditional female roles because it makes sense $$$wise. Walk into any healthcare related place and you will see very few men. More men should elect to be nurses etc because that's where the jobs are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The job market is absolutely horrendous. There are more people than there are actual jobs.

it’s really interesting to see this sentiment become more and more common with women. I say this as a woman… but a lot of women are now experiencing the stress of having to provide for an entire family. Men have been going through this forever… now we know how men feel.

I don’t believe you’re a woman because no woman would ignore the fact OP’s husband isn’t taking up the historical “women’s work” of the household.

+100. Traditional men’s role had the benefit of no housework/minimal childcare. OP is doing the job of 2 people right now.

It was clearly a man who wrote that comment about women now going through what men went through….he did’t even notice the housework/childcare.

Men should embrace more traditional female roles because it makes sense $$$wise. Walk into any healthcare related place and you will see very few men. More men should elect to be nurses etc because that's where the jobs are.

Men don’t need this, they can do the police or military with zero post high school education and receive excellent benefits.

Nursing and teaching are the similar paths for women however they require significant post high school training.

*before anyone comes at me, I am aware that all of these professions are open to both sexes. Men can feel free to be nurses and women can be soldiers if they want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would start spending tons of time “at work” so he has to take care of things at home.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The job market is absolutely horrendous. There are more people than there are actual jobs.

it’s really interesting to see this sentiment become more and more common with women. I say this as a woman… but a lot of women are now experiencing the stress of having to provide for an entire family. Men have been going through this forever… now we know how men feel.

I don’t believe you’re a woman because no woman would ignore the fact OP’s husband isn’t taking up the historical “women’s work” of the household.

+100. Traditional men’s role had the benefit of no housework/minimal childcare. OP is doing the job of 2 people right now.

It was clearly a man who wrote that comment about women now going through what men went through….he did’t even notice the housework/childcare.

Men should embrace more traditional female roles because it makes sense $$$wise. Walk into any healthcare related place and you will see very few men. More men should elect to be nurses etc because that's where the jobs are.

Men don’t need this, they can do the police or military with zero post high school education and receive excellent benefits.

Nursing and teaching are the similar paths for women however they require significant post high school training.

*before anyone comes at me, I am aware that all of these professions are open to both sexes. Men can feel free to be nurses and women can be soldiers if they want to.

Military is a very different animal and many people that just enlist don’t end up with great outcomes at the end of the day. My relatives who did ROTC and an Academy would never suggest their kids just enlist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The job market is absolutely horrendous. There are more people than there are actual jobs.

it’s really interesting to see this sentiment become more and more common with women. I say this as a woman… but a lot of women are now experiencing the stress of having to provide for an entire family. Men have been going through this forever… now we know how men feel.

I don’t believe you’re a woman because no woman would ignore the fact OP’s husband isn’t taking up the historical “women’s work” of the household.

+100. Traditional men’s role had the benefit of no housework/minimal childcare. OP is doing the job of 2 people right now.

It was clearly a man who wrote that comment about women now going through what men went through….he did’t even notice the housework/childcare.

Men should embrace more traditional female roles because it makes sense $$$wise. Walk into any healthcare related place and you will see very few men. More men should elect to be nurses etc because that's where the jobs are.

Men don’t need this, they can do the police or military with zero post high school education and receive excellent benefits.

Nursing and teaching are the similar paths for women however they require significant post high school training.

*before anyone comes at me, I am aware that all of these professions are open to both sexes. Men can feel free to be nurses and women can be soldiers if they want to.

Military is a very different animal and many people that just enlist don’t end up with great outcomes at the end of the day. My relatives who did ROTC and an Academy would never suggest their kids just enlist.

So what?

I know plenty of both ROTC and enlisted who would recommend their kids follow those paths.

I also know many many MDs who don’t recommend it to their children.

People want different things. And apparently very few men want to be nurses.

[Anonymous]

This forum is full this week of threads of women buckling under the pressure of being the breadwinner and suddenly insisting there is no family money - if you earn it, it is yours, and wanting to manage and control what their spouse spends.

How the turn tables turn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The job market is absolutely horrendous. There are more people than there are actual jobs.

it’s really interesting to see this sentiment become more and more common with women. I say this as a woman… but a lot of women are now experiencing the stress of having to provide for an entire family. Men have been going through this forever… now we know how men feel.

I don’t believe you’re a woman because no woman would ignore the fact OP’s husband isn’t taking up the historical “women’s work” of the household.

+100. Traditional men’s role had the benefit of no housework/minimal childcare. OP is doing the job of 2 people right now.

It was clearly a man who wrote that comment about women now going through what men went through….he did’t even notice the housework/childcare.

Men should embrace more traditional female roles because it makes sense $$$wise. Walk into any healthcare related place and you will see very few men. More men should elect to be nurses etc because that's where the jobs are.

Men don’t need this, they can do the police or military with zero post high school education and receive excellent benefits.

Nursing and teaching are the similar paths for women however they require significant post high school training.

*before anyone comes at me, I am aware that all of these professions are open to both sexes. Men can feel free to be nurses and women can be soldiers if they want to.

Military is a very different animal and many people that just enlist don’t end up with great outcomes at the end of the day. My relatives who did ROTC and an Academy would never suggest their kids just enlist.

So what?

I know plenty of both ROTC and enlisted who would recommend their kids follow those paths.

I also know many many MDs who don’t recommend it to their children.

People want different things. And apparently very few men want to be nurses.

When you are married with a kid what you “want” doesn’t really matter. You need a Job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full this week of threads of women buckling under the pressure of being the breadwinner and suddenly insisting there is no family money - if you earn it, it is yours, and wanting to manage and control what their spouse spends.

How the turn tables turn!

Working women who earn as much or our earn their DH’s posting about their DH’s being useless at home is a DCUM staple. Not sure why you think this is a gotcha.

[Anonymous]

I have a SN kid. If my husband was being this cavalier while my child was going without needed therapy, I really don’t know how our marriage would come back from that.

I would sit him down and give him the choice of finding a job doing Instacart or WHATEVER gets your kid what they need or doing all home chores. He can find SOME thing. If not I would harness the power of shame if I had to. Like if he says he’s going to do something for his parents call them yourself and say he can’t because he needs to care for your child, because you are looking into getting a second job since he won’t and your family is suffering.

Yes it sucks to get rejected and yes the job market is bad. When you are a parent you care for your kids, no matter what it takes.

[Anonymous]

You are not being unreasonable at all.

I think you need to do something drastic.

File for separation now. Move into the guest bedroom, check with your lawyer but I think this counts for a legal separation.

Tell him that if you divorce is up to him but you’re not going to sacrifice your son’s future so he can play video games and work on hobbies. There are options out there. He could substitute teach and earn money that way. He could also apply at Target, Starbucks, Costco, etc. Even if the stores don’t call back, I know for a fact they take everyone with a college degree who can pass a background check to substitute teach. He could be making over 2,000k a month which would cover your son’s therapy. He doesn’t want to. That’s a fact you can’t un-know.

If he wants to stay married he can find a marriage counselor and set it up.

If he wants to stay married he needs to get ANY job NOW

If he wants to stay married he needs to take on household responsibilities.

Doing nothing means he wants to divorce and he will get what he wants in one year when the separation period is up. Nothing short of a separation is going to make him wake up. (Maybe not even that, but it’s worth a shot) All you have left is the ultimatum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to give him a list of household chores AND contact a lawyer. If things keep going then you may need to pay him alimony.

I could never stay married to a man like that. Is he awesome in bed or something??

This is a ridiculous take.

There is zero chance that a judge would award alimony and child support would be very minimal if any. Realistically, an adult with a graduate degree and employment history would have a very high imputed income (even if he’s unemployed at the time of divorce.) A lot of men “take a sabbatical” to try to reduce financial obligations around the time they divorce. Judges are not impressed.

I do agree she should see a lawyer. He’s showing you how little he cares about his son and that he’s willing to sacrifice nothing for him.

[Anonymous]

PP here and you should look into therapy for yourself too if you’re really at a breaking point. I know it sounds counterintuitive when you can’t pay for everything you need for your child but typically there are virtual in network therapy appointments for adults in a way there really aren’t for kids. Your child needs one functioning parent and your husband is not acting like one at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start spending tons of time “at work” so he has to take care of things at home.

+1.

This in the meantime. Then leave. Nobody should treat a partner like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum is full this week of threads of women buckling under the pressure of being the breadwinner and suddenly insisting there is no family money - if you earn it, it is yours, and wanting to manage and control what their spouse spends.

How the turn tables turn!

They are tired of being breadwinner and primarily parent.

I get that life is hard for you as a low earning male, but parents of both sexes who have a spouse who is not working deserve relief on child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The job market is absolutely horrendous. There are more people than there are actual jobs.

it’s really interesting to see this sentiment become more and more common with women. I say this as a woman… but a lot of women are now experiencing the stress of having to provide for an entire family. Men have been going through this forever… now we know how men feel.

Wat

A lot of single moms have been providing for whole families for a very long time now.

However he feels, he needs to get off his ass and take a job. Any job. Sitting around playing video games is ridiculous unless he has a massive trust fund to provide his share of the household needs. Absolute immaturity.