Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for the helpful replies. To clarify I am a SAHM, we have two kids. I should have added it was the toddler’s bedtime when they left for urgent care and I’m always the one to put him to bed and I nurse him before he goes down. If I’m not there, he won’t go to sleep until I come home, so I thought it would be more stressful on my husband to stay with the crying, not-sleeping toddler than take my daughter to urgent care. Yes, I am working on weaning my toddler so bedtime can be done by anyone, we just haven’t quite gotten there yet.

I’m regards to the nosebleed, I was the one to get up with him when it happened but this one was worse than usual and I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop and the toddler was scared and crying loudly, and that woke my DH up when he came storming in angry that he had been woken up, instead of being supportive or caring. I am always the one to wake up with the kids at night for whatever reason. I am the default parent in all medical stuff, bedtime waking, discipline (bc misbehaving stresses DH out), and I generally keep the peace at home and try to keep everything low stress. But I resent that I can’t even lean on DH in an emergency, or to just provide basic parental care when it’s needed without worrying about how he’ll react.

Also DH works from home at a cushy low-stress well-paying job so I can’t blame work stress. We have some other stressors going on in our lives right now but they are affecting us equally and I’m managing not to lash out at the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.

WTF?

WTF X 1,000!!!!!

[Anonymous]

He needs an anger management therapist and if he refuses I would consider a divorce. I'm not sure why you had a second child but here we are.

I would also go back to work. You need to be able to support yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the helpful replies. To clarify I am a SAHM, we have two kids. I should have added it was the toddler’s bedtime when they left for urgent care and I’m always the one to put him to bed and I nurse him before he goes down. If I’m not there, he won’t go to sleep until I come home, so I thought it would be more stressful on my husband to stay with the crying, not-sleeping toddler than take my daughter to urgent care. Yes, I am working on weaning my toddler so bedtime can be done by anyone, we just haven’t quite gotten there yet.

I’m regards to the nosebleed, I was the one to get up with him when it happened but this one was worse than usual and I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop and the toddler was scared and crying loudly, and that woke my DH up when he came storming in angry that he had been woken up, instead of being supportive or caring. I am always the one to wake up with the kids at night for whatever reason. I am the default parent in all medical stuff, bedtime waking, discipline (bc misbehaving stresses DH out), and I generally keep the peace at home and try to keep everything low stress. But I resent that I can’t even lean on DH in an emergency, or to just provide basic parental care when it’s needed without worrying about how he’ll react.

Also DH works from home at a cushy low-stress well-paying job so I can’t blame work stress. We have some other stressors going on in our lives right now but they are affecting us equally and I’m managing not to lash out at the kids.

Then go get yourself a cushy work from home job. But the nighttime wake-ups are yours b/c with a kid at camp and a napping toddler, you can take a rest then. Even with a cushy job your, husband can’t take a midday nap. If you don’t like your job, find a new one and get the balance you want since you don’t seem to like the labor division you signed up for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.

I know people are bristling at this. But honestly, as a strategy it worked really well in my family. I did nothing but kid stuff and my spouse did everything else except that spouse did childcare drop off and pick up because my commute was longer. We had very little conflict because we each did our part to make the family work. And we were both pretty happy about it. I can't remember the last time I did yard work (besides my garden), took the car for service or an oil change, found a plumber, washed a car, cleaned my house and whatever other billion things it takes to keep a house running successfully. Even though my kids are grown, I still don't do these things. My spouse wasn't a bad parent, but wasn't a good caretaker until they got a lot older. The difference between me and OP is that I could count on my spouse in emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just really over my husband's inability to control his temper during any kind of stressful parenting situation. Case in point, a couple days ago my 6 yo daughter came home from camp where she had a basketball hit her on the side of the head. Initially she seemed ok but around dinnertime started complaining of severe ear pain and a headache. Called her pediatrician who advised us to go to urgent care to get her checked out. As I'm still breastfeeding a young toddler, my husband was to take her and spent the entire time they were getting ready to go huffing around the house, slamming dresser drawers or whatever, because he was pissed that he had to go, because he didn't think her pain was "that bad" and "nobody gets a concussion from a basketball." Meanwhile this is while I'm comforting my daughter who is in a lot of pain. On the way out he slammed the front door. Cute. Turns out she had a pretty severe injury and ended up vomiting and dizzy and needed to be admitted to the hospital.. she's doing a lot better now but I'm just still so angry when I think about his temper tantrum about taking his injured kid to urgent care.

Oh and a few weeks ago our toddler had a nosebleed in the middle of the night and my husband and I were with him to help, and my husband was just so angry at having been woken up that he was cussing out the toddler,"WTF (toddler name!)! It's the middle of the night! ARRRGHHHH", and stomping around, meanwhile the poor kid can't help that he had a nosebleed and is scared and stressed out already and I'm trying to get both of them to calm down.

These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

It could be that he's a bad person, has mental disorders, etc. It might also be that there is 0 happiness in his life because it's entirely centered around performing tasks on demand for how you think everything should be done. He's probably unwilling at this point to end it but he's on his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just really over my husband's inability to control his temper during any kind of stressful parenting situation. Case in point, a couple days ago my 6 yo daughter came home from camp where she had a basketball hit her on the side of the head. Initially she seemed ok but around dinnertime started complaining of severe ear pain and a headache. Called her pediatrician who advised us to go to urgent care to get her checked out. As I'm still breastfeeding a young toddler, my husband was to take her and spent the entire time they were getting ready to go huffing around the house, slamming dresser drawers or whatever, because he was pissed that he had to go, because he didn't think her pain was "that bad" and "nobody gets a concussion from a basketball." Meanwhile this is while I'm comforting my daughter who is in a lot of pain. On the way out he slammed the front door. Cute. Turns out she had a pretty severe injury and ended up vomiting and dizzy and needed to be admitted to the hospital.. she's doing a lot better now but I'm just still so angry when I think about his temper tantrum about taking his injured kid to urgent care.

Oh and a few weeks ago our toddler had a nosebleed in the middle of the night and my husband and I were with him to help, and my husband was just so angry at having been woken up that he was cussing out the toddler,"WTF (toddler name!)! It's the middle of the night! ARRRGHHHH", and stomping around, meanwhile the poor kid can't help that he had a nosebleed and is scared and stressed out already and I'm trying to get both of them to calm down.

These are both medical examples but he loses it during any kind of mundane stress, kid won't get ready for school on time, kid isn't hungry and won't eat at dinner, kid isn't listening, whatever. Just normal everyday parental interactions he manages to get so worked up and makes every situation worse and way more stressful than it needs to be. We use an easy 1,2,3 then time-out strategy at our house when our kids our misbehaving, which works well for them, and he never remembers to use it, just lets himself get super annoyed and angry instead and then blows up. We talk about it and he admits he loses his patience too easily and feels bad but we never get beyond that.

It could be that he's a bad person, has mental disorders, etc. It might also be that there is 0 happiness in his life because it's entirely centered around performing tasks on demand for how you think everything should be done. He's probably unwilling at this point to end it but he's on his way.

No no no. No amount of adult unhappiness justifies medical neglect of a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the helpful replies. To clarify I am a SAHM, we have two kids. I should have added it was the toddler’s bedtime when they left for urgent care and I’m always the one to put him to bed and I nurse him before he goes down. If I’m not there, he won’t go to sleep until I come home, so I thought it would be more stressful on my husband to stay with the crying, not-sleeping toddler than take my daughter to urgent care. Yes, I am working on weaning my toddler so bedtime can be done by anyone, we just haven’t quite gotten there yet.

I’m regards to the nosebleed, I was the one to get up with him when it happened but this one was worse than usual and I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop and the toddler was scared and crying loudly, and that woke my DH up when he came storming in angry that he had been woken up, instead of being supportive or caring. I am always the one to wake up with the kids at night for whatever reason. I am the default parent in all medical stuff, bedtime waking, discipline (bc misbehaving stresses DH out), and I generally keep the peace at home and try to keep everything low stress. But I resent that I can’t even lean on DH in an emergency, or to just provide basic parental care when it’s needed without worrying about how he’ll react.

Also DH works from home at a cushy low-stress well-paying job so I can’t blame work stress. We have some other stressors going on in our lives right now but they are affecting us equally and I’m managing not to lash out at the kids.

Then go get yourself a cushy work from home job. But the nighttime wake-ups are yours b/c with a kid at camp and a napping toddler, you can take a rest then. Even with a cushy job your, husband can’t take a midday nap. If you don’t like your job, find a new one and get the balance you want since you don’t seem to like the labor division you signed up for.

NP. I have to say the cushy job line coming from a SAHM hits me wrong too. It’s quite easy to underestimate the effort put in by the other spouse. I suspect they are both doing that.

[Anonymous]

Get a job
Ween that toddler from breastfeeding
Suggest therapy for that husband or yours

If he is not interested in therapy - I'd divorce.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the helpful replies. To clarify I am a SAHM, we have two kids. I should have added it was the toddler’s bedtime when they left for urgent care and I’m always the one to put him to bed and I nurse him before he goes down. If I’m not there, he won’t go to sleep until I come home, so I thought it would be more stressful on my husband to stay with the crying, not-sleeping toddler than take my daughter to urgent care. Yes, I am working on weaning my toddler so bedtime can be done by anyone, we just haven’t quite gotten there yet.

I’m regards to the nosebleed, I was the one to get up with him when it happened but this one was worse than usual and I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop and the toddler was scared and crying loudly, and that woke my DH up when he came storming in angry that he had been woken up, instead of being supportive or caring. I am always the one to wake up with the kids at night for whatever reason. I am the default parent in all medical stuff, bedtime waking, discipline (bc misbehaving stresses DH out), and I generally keep the peace at home and try to keep everything low stress. But I resent that I can’t even lean on DH in an emergency, or to just provide basic parental care when it’s needed without worrying about how he’ll react.

Also DH works from home at a cushy low-stress well-paying job so I can’t blame work stress. We have some other stressors going on in our lives right now but they are affecting us equally and I’m managing not to lash out at the kids.

Then go get yourself a cushy work from home job. But the nighttime wake-ups are yours b/c with a kid at camp and a napping toddler, you can take a rest then. Even with a cushy job your, husband can’t take a midday nap. If you don’t like your job, find a new one and get the balance you want since you don’t seem to like the labor division you signed up for.

Honestly, STFU. The fact that he works doesn’t give him the right to be a jerk and also does not exempt him from all domestic duties. You MAGA red pill trolls crack me up - spouting off this Jurassic sh*t on the one hand justifying terrible male behavior, then fretting about our declining birth rate on the other hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s anxiety, but still not ok. Tell him it’s unacceptable and he needs help.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yea, my xH was like that. One day I snapped and showed him what *real* yelling and screaming was like. He stopped after that. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could not stay married to someone like that and you should be calling out the tantrums and demanding that he go to a therapist to deal with his rage or you are divorcing his ass. And then do it. I would lose all respect and attraction for a man who shows so little care and compassion to his own children. Ick.

+1

[Anonymous]

Unacceptable. Beyond all the other points made by PPs, I also can't imagine anything less attractive than a man who can't take care of his family, especially in times of crisis. I can only assume you have stopped sleeping with him and he is upset about that, too.

[Anonymous]

I think you both let your DD down. If he was angry, you should have taken her. Surely you have frozen breast milk for your toddler.