Husbands - low value

[Anonymous]

Women are doing better than ever and yet still complaining about the "patriarchy". None of it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. But I’ve also been surprised by the downfalls of the men I thought would be the ones to escape this fate. The ones who are excelling at their careers and seem to not let that affect their ability to participate in family life all suddenly crashed in their mid to late 40s. They either blew up their career, fell into addiction, or blew up their families with affairs. These are husbands I was envious of, and they’ve turned out to be just as mediocre as the others except they did it on a delay and in a more sudden and spectacular fashion.

I have a DD but I look at my nephews and I worry because I don’t have good ideas about how to help raise them in a different way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not meant to be a man bashing post. I’ve just had an observation of her last few years across multiple groups of friends from childhood to high school to college to grad school to family.

Now that we’re in our mid 40s/50s, I’ve noticed across my own experience and that have many of my friends that the men they married are just simply uninspiring compared to the women.

We are all college educated professionals who were thriving in our 20s. But you look back over the last 20 years and I find that these women have been courageous and grown and taken risks and succeeded, and the men have just stumbled and overall been disappointing.

Compared to the women -

1) more job losses / career instability (not due to sector)
2) more mental health issues like crippling anxiety, gambling addiction
3) fewer job risks that paid off
4) less “creation” - community, memory building,
5) more needing to be catered too / accommodated
6) Contribute less financially to the families. The women’s careers have boomed. More men seem stuck in their jobs - full of complaints but not willing/able to do anything about it. And they are not the primary bread winners even so they’re not just sucking it up for the greater good.
7) no generational caregiving

I never would’ve predicted this in our 20s when people were pairing off and starting their lives together. It’s just very surprising how often this is the dynamic that has unfolded given the leg up men have in society.

You are trying to demonstrate with your post that women achieve more than men.
That’s so far from the reality.
Maybe this is why only true in your small community but this is a very small minority that is not representative of the global situation in the country.
Women are still paid less than men for the same role.
Women are less represented in managerial and executive positions.

If men are paid more and occupy most leadership positions, how are women achieving more?

Or maybe I’m wrong and this whole DEI and “equal pay” movement is a based on lies. Or maybe we have achieved equality and it’s to shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have many friends like this. The woman’s career soared while the husband’s did not.

I’m the opposite. I was the go getter career woman. I married a fellow ambitious man. I was probably more ambitious. Two big jobs weren’t working for our family dynamic so we decided that it would be best if I stayed home.

It is more socially acceptable for the man’s career to soar while wife steps back or down. Such a double standard for men.

No longer true in DC/inside beltway households. Of the several "UMC millennial couples with young kids" households on my Chevy Chase block, it's the women who are crushing it at age 40. The men have daddy-tracked jobs (or no job anymore, thanks Voight!) and do all the school pickups, dog walks, playground runs. If there's a black Escalade idling out front at 4:30 am on a weekday, waiting to whisk someone to the airport, it's the woman who's going to the director's meeting while the man stays back and walks the 'doodle to pick up the kids.

There's six such households on my little street alone. No, 7.

I'd say "yay! egalitarian!" except there are zero millenial households where the reverse is true. (gen X, yes). Makes me concerned there's a broader trend in in underemployed, overeducated males.

[Anonymous]

I generally agree with you OP and I am far from a man-hater. In fact I love my young adult son more than anything on the planet. I wish I knew what was fueling this problem so we, his parents, could provide guidance to avoid pitfalls. I will say that his superstar-on-paper father did crash and burn in his 40s, torpedoing his BigJob trajectory (never to recover), wallowing in anxiety depression that he still refuses to acknowledge and of course, having an affair.

I want my son to never experience any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I generally agree with you OP and I am far from a man-hater. In fact I love my young adult son more than anything on the planet. I wish I knew what was fueling this problem so we, his parents, could provide guidance to avoid pitfalls. I will say that his superstar-on-paper father did crash and burn in his 40s, torpedoing his BigJob trajectory (never to recover), wallowing in anxiety depression that he still refuses to acknowledge and of course, having an affair.

I want my son to never experience any of that.

If I had a son, I would encourage him to become a transgender and avoid that fate. Problem solved. Men have lost it.

[Anonymous]

It’s strange to me that women have these observations but still also believe in the patriarchy? If men are so unimpressive and incompetent how are they oppressing you? If they’re keeping you from getting promotions why do you see all the women around you being promoted?

Quite a conundrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I generally agree with you OP and I am far from a man-hater. In fact I love my young adult son more than anything on the planet. I wish I knew what was fueling this problem so we, his parents, could provide guidance to avoid pitfalls. I will say that his superstar-on-paper father did crash and burn in his 40s, torpedoing his BigJob trajectory (never to recover), wallowing in anxiety depression that he still refuses to acknowledge and of course, having an affair.

I want my son to never experience any of that.

If I had a son, I would encourage him to become a transgender and avoid that fate. Problem solved. Men have lost it.

Become transgender. Not become a transgender. It's a descriptor, not an object. A transgender person, not a transgender. Similarly: a gay person, not "a gay"; a Black person, not "a black".

Not gonna get into the obvious flaws with the rest of your point, but you can have the grammar lesson for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are doing better than ever and yet still complaining about the "patriarchy". None of it makes sense.

You nailed it. None of it makes sense.
Women are doing better than men but are complaining about gender discrimination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not meant to be a man bashing post. I’ve just had an observation of her last few years across multiple groups of friends from childhood to high school to college to grad school to family.

Now that we’re in our mid 40s/50s, I’ve noticed across my own experience and that have many of my friends that the men they married are just simply uninspiring compared to the women.

We are all college educated professionals who were thriving in our 20s. But you look back over the last 20 years and I find that these women have been courageous and grown and taken risks and succeeded, and the men have just stumbled and overall been disappointing.

Compared to the women -

1) more job losses / career instability (not due to sector)
2) more mental health issues like crippling anxiety, gambling addiction
3) fewer job risks that paid off
4) less “creation” - community, memory building,
5) more needing to be catered too / accommodated
6) Contribute less financially to the families. The women’s careers have boomed. More men seem stuck in their jobs - full of complaints but not willing/able to do anything about it. And they are not the primary bread winners even so they’re not just sucking it up for the greater good.
7) no generational caregiving

I never would’ve predicted this in our 20s when people were pairing off and starting their lives together. It’s just very surprising how often this is the dynamic that has unfolded given the leg up men have in society.

You are trying to demonstrate with your post that women achieve more than men.
That’s so far from the reality.
Maybe this is why only true in your small community but this is a very small minority that is not representative of the global situation in the country.
Women are still paid less than men for the same role.
Women are less represented in managerial and executive positions.

If men are paid more and occupy most leadership positions, how are women achieving more?

Or maybe I’m wrong and this whole DEI and “equal pay” movement is a based on lies. Or maybe we have achieved equality and it’s to shut it down.

This is a pretty misunderstood and frequently repeated talking point and politicized to lather people up but the gap, if it exists is no bigger than 7% and could be as small as 1%, after controlling for role and years of experience. Women earn 80 cents on the dollar but because they historically have disproportionality occupied lower paying jobs while not being employed in high paying jobs in large numbers at all. This is a different problem than a pay disparity for the same work - that issue has mostly been fixed (even 7% is a lot but it’s probably closer to 1% in 2025).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You marry a woman that works and it’s all downhill from there.

... because it means the man has to actually up their game. It's easier for a man to marry down and be lazy because the woman doesn't have much expectations then.

[Anonymous]

Hasn’t almost all the job growth been in healthcare and education? Two fields that are majority women? That would seem to explain a portion of these outcomes. When you have some mid-levels making more than lower-end doctors, it can also seem like she is uber successful when it is really much more related to macro-economic factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have many friends like this. The woman’s career soared while the husband’s did not.

I’m the opposite. I was the go getter career woman. I married a fellow ambitious man. I was probably more ambitious. Two big jobs weren’t working for our family dynamic so we decided that it would be best if I stayed home.

It is more socially acceptable for the man’s career to soar while wife steps back or down. Such a double standard for men.

No longer true in DC/inside beltway households. Of the several "UMC millennial couples with young kids" households on my Chevy Chase block, it's the women who are crushing it at age 40. The men have daddy-tracked jobs (or no job anymore, thanks Voight!) and do all the school pickups, dog walks, playground runs. If there's a black Escalade idling out front at 4:30 am on a weekday, waiting to whisk someone to the airport, it's the woman who's going to the director's meeting while the man stays back and walks the 'doodle to pick up the kids.

There's six such households on my little street alone. No, 7.

I'd say "yay! egalitarian!" except there are zero millenial households where the reverse is true. (gen X, yes). Makes me concerned there's a broader trend in in underemployed, overeducated males.

This is very strange - and I say that as a genx woman who fits your paradigm. If you really don’t know any millennial households where the man has a soaring career and the overeducated woman stays home with kids (and pets), I think your view is rather limited. Also give it time, children of millennial parents are still young, things shift over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I generally agree with you OP and I am far from a man-hater. In fact I love my young adult son more than anything on the planet. I wish I knew what was fueling this problem so we, his parents, could provide guidance to avoid pitfalls. I will say that his superstar-on-paper father did crash and burn in his 40s, torpedoing his BigJob trajectory (never to recover), wallowing in anxiety depression that he still refuses to acknowledge and of course, having an affair.

I want my son to never experience any of that.

If I had a son, I would encourage him to become a transgender and avoid that fate. Problem solved. Men have lost it.

Become transgender. Not become a transgender. It's a descriptor, not an object. A transgender person, not a transgender. Similarly: a gay person, not "a gay"; a Black person, not "a black".

Not gonna get into the obvious flaws with the rest of your point, but you can have the grammar lesson for free.

You do understand the construct PP used was deliberate, right? I am quite certain he doesn’t need the grammar lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are doing better than ever and yet still complaining about the "patriarchy". None of it makes sense.

You nailed it. None of it makes sense.
Women are doing better than men but are complaining about gender discrimination.

It does make sense. Most people, men or women, aren't in positions of power, but those in position of power are still largely men.

OP is saying that in her circle, she sees a lot of women who do better career wise than their men. That doesn't mean that they are at executive level, where again, it's mostly made up of men.