Husbands - low value

[Anonymous]

This is not meant to be a man bashing post. I’ve just had an observation of her last few years across multiple groups of friends from childhood to high school to college to grad school to family.

Now that we’re in our mid 40s/50s, I’ve noticed across my own experience and that have many of my friends that the men they married are just simply uninspiring compared to the women.

We are all college educated professionals who were thriving in our 20s. But you look back over the last 20 years and I find that these women have been courageous and grown and taken risks and succeeded, and the men have just stumbled and overall been disappointing.

Compared to the women -

1) more job losses / career instability (not due to sector)
2) more mental health issues like crippling anxiety, gambling addiction
3) fewer job risks that paid off
4) less “creation” - community, memory building,
5) more needing to be catered too / accommodated
6) Contribute less financially to the families. The women’s careers have boomed. More men seem stuck in their jobs - full of complaints but not willing/able to do anything about it. And they are not the primary bread winners even so they’re not just sucking it up for the greater good.
7) no generational caregiving

I never would’ve predicted this in our 20s when people were pairing off and starting their lives together. It’s just very surprising how often this is the dynamic that has unfolded given the leg up men have in society.

[Anonymous]

Thread Title: Husbands - low value then start the thread with "This is not meant to be a man bashing post."... LOL.

[Anonymous]

Assortive mating

[Anonymous]

Weird my husband and I were JUST having this discussion - many of my wonderful, smart, fun, professionally successful, fun to talk with and engaging girlfriends husband’s are fine but honestly kind of duds in a lot of ways. At least much more than they are. Most of them have provided financially ok so not exactly what you’re referencing but they are DEFINITELY uninspiring comparatively to the wives. and this convo was mostly led by my husband who would prefer to be friends with these guys and was identifying that these girlfriends are particularly great/smart women who he enjoys but their husbands just don’t offer a lot - make their wives do most of the work, not that interesting to talk to, just a bummer.

We decided that though we hate to say it as the parents of boys, there is just a higher percentage of engaging, high performing women and less of those number of men probably because we often hold men to pretty low standards and let them get away with a lot. We also don’t encourage and support men in building community, learning how to share their feelings in healthy ways etc, all things that make for a more full happy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thread Title: Husbands - low value then start the thread with "This is not meant to be a man bashing post."... LOL.

Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thread Title: Husbands - low value then start the thread with "This is not meant to be a man bashing post."... LOL.

+1000 😂

[Anonymous]

I agree completely, OP. I love men, but they’re a disappointing lot in general.‘I’m grateful for the exceptional ones I know but most are truly lackluster and uninspiring.

[Anonymous]

The kind of men that less attractive women end up stuck with. Not really a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Birds of a feather flock together.

This isn’t true of my friend group. My friends are more of the ilk where both were very successful until kids came along, and then he ramped up at work. She could “do what she wanted” (work, not work, work part time) as long as she didn’t ask him to work less or do anything with the house or kids. Her career set back, his took off. Everyone seems more or less happy.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry a man baby.

Ladies: you can't fix him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not meant to be a man bashing post. I’ve just had an observation of her last few years across multiple groups of friends from childhood to high school to college to grad school to family.

Now that we’re in our mid 40s/50s, I’ve noticed across my own experience and that have many of my friends that the men they married are just simply uninspiring compared to the women.

We are all college educated professionals who were thriving in our 20s. But you look back over the last 20 years and I find that these women have been courageous and grown and taken risks and succeeded, and the men have just stumbled and overall been disappointing.

Compared to the women -

1) more job losses / career instability (not due to sector)
2) more mental health issues like crippling anxiety, gambling addiction
3) fewer job risks that paid off
4) less “creation” - community, memory building,
5) more needing to be catered too / accommodated
6) Contribute less financially to the families. The women’s careers have boomed. More men seem stuck in their jobs - full of complaints but not willing/able to do anything about it. And they are not the primary bread winners even so they’re not just sucking it up for the greater good.
7) no generational caregiving

I never would’ve predicted this in our 20s when people were pairing off and starting their lives together. It’s just very surprising how often this is the dynamic that has unfolded given the leg up men have in society.

The League of Forgotten Men. As described by Sinclair Lewis.

Turns out, it CAN happen here. It’s happening right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not meant to be a man bashing post. I’ve just had an observation of her last few years across multiple groups of friends from childhood to high school to college to grad school to family.

Now that we’re in our mid 40s/50s, I’ve noticed across my own experience and that have many of my friends that the men they married are just simply uninspiring compared to the women.

We are all college educated professionals who were thriving in our 20s. But you look back over the last 20 years and I find that these women have been courageous and grown and taken risks and succeeded, and the men have just stumbled and overall been disappointing.

Compared to the women -

1) more job losses / career instability (not due to sector)
2) more mental health issues like crippling anxiety, gambling addiction
3) fewer job risks that paid off
4) less “creation” - community, memory building,
5) more needing to be catered too / accommodated
6) Contribute less financially to the families. The women’s careers have boomed. More men seem stuck in their jobs - full of complaints but not willing/able to do anything about it. And they are not the primary bread winners even so they’re not just sucking it up for the greater good.
7) no generational caregiving

I never would’ve predicted this in our 20s when people were pairing off and starting their lives together. It’s just very surprising how often this is the dynamic that has unfolded given the leg up men have in society.

Not surprising. What are you expecting when you marry Beta males?

[Anonymous]

I have many friends like this. The woman’s career soared while the husband’s did not.

I’m the opposite. I was the go getter career woman. I married a fellow ambitious man. I was probably more ambitious. Two big jobs weren’t working for our family dynamic so we decided that it would be best if I stayed home.

It is more socially acceptable for the man’s career to soar while wife steps back or down. Such a double standard for men.

[Anonymous]

Is it because self centered women behave to their husbands exactly how self centered men behave to their wives? For a family unit to thrive, there should be equality which isn't centered in to who has more physical or financial power.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know anyone like this. Of all my high school and college friends and current friends, every single husband is hard working and successful. In about half the cases, the husbands have more career success than the wives. The other half are similar.