Husbands - low value

[Anonymous]

Everyone changes significantly over the years. We are not the same people we were 10 or 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

You marry a woman that works and it’s all downhill from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone like this. Of all my high school and college friends and current friends, every single husband is hard working and successful. In about half the cases, the husbands have more career success than the wives. The other half are similar.

I wrote that I now stay home. I was the most ambitious of my friends and might have been the highest earner in my peer group in my twenties.

I read OP’s as women who excelled in their careers while their husbands may have remained stagnant. It doesn’t sound like the men are unemployed or complete losers.

My husband is very successful. If I had married an ex boyfriend, I would definitely have been the breadwinner. It is hard to predict now well a person may turn out. The characteristics one is attracted to when you are in your twenties are different than in your forties.

I’m sure many men can look at their wives and not find them as physically attractive. That may have been a major characteristic that they were attracted to in their twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kind of men that less attractive women end up stuck with. Not really a surprise.

THIS.
I’m sure OP’s friends are not very attractive. They ended up with Beta men.
Attractive women like Melania end up with Alpha men. They aren’t complaining about their husbands underachieving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kind of men that less attractive women end up stuck with. Not really a surprise.

THIS.
I’m sure OP’s friends are not very attractive. They ended up with Beta men.
Attractive women like Melania end up with Alpha men. They aren’t complaining about their husbands underachieving.

Don’t take the incel bait.

[Anonymous]

Women were told they had to work twice as hard and so those who wanted got up, got out and got to it. And some men who would have pushed through before women glowed up rest on their laurels now because, they have a wife holding up her end. I think a lot of men haven't had to cultivate and nurture their EQ and that is the gap you are noticing.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of boards where you can find similar threads about how low value women are and how little they contribute and how useless they are generally. It isn’t about one sex or the other - just different sexist views that see the other sex as having little worth or value.

[Anonymous]

Well, duh. You are just noticing this now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Birds of a feather flock together.

This isn’t true of my friend group. My friends are more of the ilk where both were very successful until kids came along, and then he ramped up at work. She could “do what she wanted” (work, not work, work part time) as long as she didn’t ask him to work less or do anything with the house or kids. Her career set back, his took off. Everyone seems more or less happy.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not meant to be a man bashing post. I’ve just had an observation of her last few years across multiple groups of friends from childhood to high school to college to grad school to family.

Now that we’re in our mid 40s/50s, I’ve noticed across my own experience and that have many of my friends that the men they married are just simply uninspiring compared to the women.

We are all college educated professionals who were thriving in our 20s. But you look back over the last 20 years and I find that these women have been courageous and grown and taken risks and succeeded, and the men have just stumbled and overall been disappointing.

Compared to the women -

1) more job losses / career instability (not due to sector)
2) more mental health issues like crippling anxiety, gambling addiction
3) fewer job risks that paid off
4) less “creation” - community, memory building,
5) more needing to be catered too / accommodated
6) Contribute less financially to the families. The women’s careers have boomed. More men seem stuck in their jobs - full of complaints but not willing/able to do anything about it. And they are not the primary bread winners even so they’re not just sucking it up for the greater good.
7) no generational caregiving

I never would’ve predicted this in our 20s when people were pairing off and starting their lives together. It’s just very surprising how often this is the dynamic that has unfolded given the leg up men have in society.

Not surprising. What are you expecting when you marry Beta males?

Anyone who uses the alpha/beta male dichotomy is exactly the sort of "man" they'd classify as a "beta". That whole structure is a massive tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kind of men that less attractive women end up stuck with. Not really a surprise.

THIS.
I’m sure OP’s friends are not very attractive. They ended up with Beta men.
Attractive women like Melania end up with Alpha men. They aren’t complaining about their husbands underachieving.

Exhibit A.

[Anonymous]

Well to be fair, it’s been a hard decade to be a white man. I know several talented white men who have been overlooked for promotions that they honestly deserved over recent years because the company wanted to improve diversity numbers by promoting or even hiring new women or black people into those roles if they met minimum standards but clearly weren’t the best person for the job. Not sure when/if things will normalize.

[Anonymous]

Why are we focusing on careers only?

[Anonymous]

I am seeing this too. Women are more capable and adaptable even in a world set up by men for men.

[Anonymous]

In most families, someone has to step back, and sometimes it makes sense for the men since for whatever reason the wives career is taking off faster. So let’s say the DW hooks up at random startup that is a rocket ship, but someone needs to be home to take kids to soccer; and as a family they don’t want to outsource. So the DH daddytracks and steps back from career progression

That works fine when the DW does it, totally normal and society accepts it

But the DH at school pickup is given side by by SAHM as they walk to the park for coffees and gossip, people assume they have some mental health issue or alcoholism as to why they aren’t working “normal hours” — and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Finally, in an effort to gain status and money, they take up gambling/day trading/crypto.