At what point do men have the upper hand in the dating market?

[Anonymous]

I think women have more confidence in their look. A woman can be 60 all her butt gone boobs gone thin hair and all and she still thinks she is as attractive as a 25 years old woman. I am impressed by that confidence.

[Anonymous]

Based on the above:

Women dominate from ages 18–30 due to peak fertility and cultural desirability norms.

Men gain the upper hand from 35–55, when their income and perceived maturity outweigh reduced physical peak.

By 60+, both genders face reduced “market power,” but men still retain a slight edge in dating supply-demand due to longevity and societal acceptance of older men dating younger women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men have the upper hand for marriage, not dating.

This^ and opposite for women.

[Anonymous]

Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rich men and beautiful women rule the dating market at any age.

If he’s not hot I don’t want him even if he is rich.

OK but if he’s hot AND rich he can date any woman he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a woman wants you it's a different world. My son is 6'5, very handsome and an amazing personality (just like me his dad joking lol). He graduated recently and we went to a place to have lunch and I was stunned. Not one but 2 women came up to him introduced themselves and give him their numbers. I was like nothing like this ever happened to me.

So the person with the advantage is the attractive one (man of woman). Humans are visual. Once you pass the initial attractiveness test then you get a chance to prove yourself.

My son played along took their numbers but deleted them. He was snatched in HS. I hope he stays with his HS gf, she is amazing, a great person and they really love each other.

Many if not most of the good catches (any gender) are off the market early.

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP should have asked something like "when does the median man have the upper hand over the median woman in the dating market?"

Some responses have gotten at that question, more or less. But others are are offering up responses saying "outliers always have the upper hand!"

Women clearly have the upper hand in their 20s. I'd say men clearly have the upper hand by their 60s. Between 30s-50s, I guess I don't know where I'd place the tipping point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women have more confidence in their look. A woman can be 60 all her butt gone boobs gone thin hair and all and she still thinks she is as attractive as a 25 years old woman. I am impressed by that confidence.

That’s not confidence, that’s delusion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women have more confidence in their look. A woman can be 60 all her butt gone boobs gone thin hair and all and she still thinks she is as attractive as a 25 years old woman. I am impressed by that confidence.

That’s not confidence, that’s delusion

Nah, that's just reality. The oldest, saggiest, crustiest, skankiest, messiest, stupidest woman will still have near-zero trouble catching a dick.

Men are disgustingly easy, most of y'all are desperate, and it really doesn't take much to land a man.

[Anonymous]

It's not men versus women. Some people are desirable on the dating market. What makes a person desirable can be gendered, though it's becoming less so as time goes on. It used to be that men needed to have money and women needed to be attractive, but now that women can work, they are able to look at other qualities of men when choosing a mate (thus increased pressure on men to be good looking and have good personalities). Likewise, now that two-income families are more the norm, men are more likely to value a woman's wealth or ability to earn than they did 100 years ago.

But it's individual. Some men absolutely have the "upper hand" in the dating market. Some women have no leverage.

The good news for men is that looks tend to be *less* important for them, which means their power in the dating market is more in their hands. Get a good job (doesn't need to be the highest earning job -- women also value men who simply demonstrate financial stability and independence, they just don't want men who don't work or will try to get out of working because women continue to be handicapped in the job market due to childbirth/motherhood so it's really beneficial to have a man who is ready and willing to earn). Work on your personality -- are you kind? funny? do you fall apart in a crisis or do you have resilience and humor in the face of adversity? These are all learned skills. If you don't have them, go to therapy and figure it out.

Women also have to do this, but observationally, women are more conditioned to work on themselves and make themselves attractive to potential mates. Men are more likely to have this attitude of "take it or leave it." Well, sometimes women will leave it. But if you have a growth mindset and are willing to work on yourself, there's no reason you can't become more desirable on the dating market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP should have asked something like "when does the median man have the upper hand over the median woman in the dating market?"

Some responses have gotten at that question, more or less. But others are are offering up responses saying "outliers always have the upper hand!"

Women clearly have the upper hand in their 20s. I'd say men clearly have the upper hand by their 60s. Between 30s-50s, I guess I don't know where I'd place the tipping point.

Women only have the "upper hand" in their 20s if you define the goal as getting a date or getting laid. Women in their 20s who want relationships (which is a lot of women) do not have the upper hand. Men in their 20s who want to get laid may struggle because if it's just about s*x, women can be choosy and like men will gravitate towards the hottest guy. Or they will go for the guy they most want to be in a relationship with which usually means good job and good looks, but for women, sleeping with that guy does not necessarily mean getting a relationship.

So yeah, if you are a woman in your 20s and you just want to get laid, the world is your oyster and you have it easier than a man who wants to get laid. But if you are a woman in your 20s and you want marriage, kids, and long term stability, you have very little power and men have ALL the power there. Men think women withhold sex in order to gain power and that can be true, but men withhold commitment in order to get power far more often. Talk to heterosexual women in their 20s who want relationships and ask them how that's going.

There is this tiny window in late 20s and early 30s where more men become interested in long-term relationships and marriage, where women have an advantage because they are still young enough to look the way men want them to look and to where fertility is not as critical of an issue as it will be later. But by 34/35, that window has closed and men again have the power because men that age will start looking at younger women in order to get the looks/fertility they want (even if it's just a few years younger -- for a 35 year old woman, watching men your age marry women who are 29-32 is no more rewarding than watching them marry 22 year olds).

If you want marriage/kids/commitment, men almost always have the upper hand. If you are a man who wants those things and you are having trouble finding women, you need to look inward and ask yourself if there is some problem with you that is making you a bad prospect, because it's not just that you're a man. There is ALWAYS a market for commitment-minded men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women have more confidence in their look. A woman can be 60 all her butt gone boobs gone thin hair and all and she still thinks she is as attractive as a 25 years old woman. I am impressed by that confidence.

That’s not confidence, that’s delusion

Nah, that's just reality. The oldest, saggiest, crustiest, skankiest, messiest, stupidest woman will still have near-zero trouble catching a dick.

Men are disgustingly easy, most of y'all are desperate, and it really doesn't take much to land a man.

They are desperate for sex and a woman to take care of them. They are not desperate for a mutually respectful and equal partnership, which is what most women want.

[Anonymous]

It's also important to maintain the upper hand throughout your marriage, or at least this I'd what my grandma taught me. If you stay thin, fit, and pay attention to hygiene and grooming, along with having a great sense of fashion, as a woman you can continue to be attractive for a long time and with that comes power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on the above:

Women dominate from ages 18–30 due to peak fertility and cultural desirability norms.

Men gain the upper hand from 35–55, when their income and perceived maturity outweigh reduced physical peak.

By 60+, both genders face reduced “market power,” but men still retain a slight edge in dating supply-demand due to longevity and societal acceptance of older men dating younger women.

lol perceived maturity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women have more confidence in their look. A woman can be 60 all her butt gone boobs gone thin hair and all and she still thinks she is as attractive as a 25 years old woman. I am impressed by that confidence.

That’s not confidence, that’s delusion

Nah, that's just reality. The oldest, saggiest, crustiest, skankiest, messiest, stupidest woman will still have near-zero trouble catching a dick.

Men are disgustingly easy, most of y'all are desperate, and it really doesn't take much to land a man.

They are desperate for sex and a woman to take care of them. They are not desperate for a mutually respectful and equal partnership, which is what most women want.

Most women are aware that most men don't have what it takes to have a truly mutual/equal partnership. A man who actually did would have the upper hand (someone hinted at this upthread) but he's a unicorn. Nearly all men are faking, sometimes a LOT, in order to manipulate a woman into bed. Thus, women have the upper hand, assuming they're aware of that and don't fall for the BS.