Fighting about husband's inability to handle our kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

Then change your parenting. What’s going on at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

[Anonymous]

Look up space therapy, op, and consider if you are accommodating too much.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea if OP’s dd is neurodivergent, but it’s definitely worth having her dd evaluated. A developmental pediatrician is a good place to start. Seeing a developmental pediatrician is a hell of a lot cheaper than a full neuropsych evaluation.

I have a kid who was diagnosed with ADHD at 7, anxiety at 9, and ASD at 10. She was sensitive, but well behaved at school, but she couldn’t control her emotions at home. She is one of those kids who would fall apart at home because she’d worked so hard to keep it together at school.

OP and her dh probably do need to make some parenting changes, and her dd probably does benefit from therapy, but they should definitely explore the root cause of this emotional dis regulation.

Also, OP, you really can’t work from home while your dd is awake and at home. It sucks, but your workday and her tantrums are not compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a hard situation OP.

I agree with your husband though. You need to let him parent the way he can. Offer advice, sure, but come from a place of teamwork, not control. He’s never going to parent exactly the way you do.

Yes and no. Yes, he needs to be allowed to parent w/o you intervening SO LONG AS he's not making it worse.

And I have friends with a child like this and as a toddler/young child the child was a hot mess. But the parents worked hard with therapists, doctors, etc. and the child is going to college this year. The kid still has some anxiety and other mental health issues but is SO much better and so much more tolerable for everyone to be around. But it wasn't easy. And the therapy was as much for the parents and how to parent the child, as it was the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

Lol. NP. This is spoken like someone who knows less than nothing about children, development, psychology, or parenting.

PP, if your kid is a disaster at school and an angel for you, it’s because your child is scared of you and you are not a source of support for them. OP’s experience is normal and a sign that her kid feels safe at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

Lol. NP. This is spoken like someone who knows less than nothing about children, development, psychology, or parenting.

PP, if your kid is a disaster at school and an angel for you, it’s because your child is scared of you and you are not a source of support for them. OP’s experience is normal and a sign that her kid feels safe at home.

… or it’s a sign that home is unstructured and chaotic and school is more predictable and stimulating.

pro tip - a child does not have wild tantrums at home because they “feel safe.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

Lol. NP. This is spoken like someone who knows less than nothing about children, development, psychology, or parenting.

PP, if your kid is a disaster at school and an angel for you, it’s because your child is scared of you and you are not a source of support for them. OP’s experience is normal and a sign that her kid feels safe at home.

… or it’s a sign that home is unstructured and chaotic and school is more predictable and stimulating.

pro tip - a child does not have wild tantrums at home because they “feel safe.”

Yes they can. Don’t double down on ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a hard situation OP.

I agree with your husband though. You need to let him parent the way he can. Offer advice, sure, but come from a place of teamwork, not control. He’s never going to parent exactly the way you do.

Plus 1 million. It sounds like your husband really wants to do this. That is a HUGE win. You really need to let him do this.

[Anonymous]

NP I have a DH who when he parents our 5 year old and the 5 year old is disregulated begins screaming, throwing mean comments to said child, telling the child they're crazy and they hate being around them. Guess where that child is getting their disregulation from. I have tried to discuss with DH numerous times and have even tried a parenting class together. He dropped out after 2 sessions as he said it's too much for him. So if I don't step in and take over or do most of the parenting, child suffers. And please don't jump and advise a divorce. Then I could not even step in when this is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP I have a DH who when he parents our 5 year old and the 5 year old is disregulated begins screaming, throwing mean comments to said child, telling the child they're crazy and they hate being around them. Guess where that child is getting their disregulation from. I have tried to discuss with DH numerous times and have even tried a parenting class together. He dropped out after 2 sessions as he said it's too much for him. So if I don't step in and take over or do most of the parenting, child suffers. And please don't jump and advise a divorce. Then I could not even step in when this is needed.

Doesn’t sound like OP’s problem. Maybe start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

Lol. NP. This is spoken like someone who knows less than nothing about children, development, psychology, or parenting.

PP, if your kid is a disaster at school and an angel for you, it’s because your child is scared of you and you are not a source of support for them. OP’s experience is normal and a sign that her kid feels safe at home.

… or it’s a sign that home is unstructured and chaotic and school is more predictable and stimulating.

pro tip - a child does not have wild tantrums at home because they “feel safe.”

Yes they can. Don’t double down on ignorance.

NP
No, kids act like that at home because parents are clueless. Yes, the kid is a spoiled brat. They don’t act out at school because they have structure and rules. At home they rule the roost and their floundering parents are either walking on eggshells or running ragged to not set the kid off. OP needs to grow a pair and parent.

[Anonymous]

You need to let him handle it. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

Lol. NP. This is spoken like someone who knows less than nothing about children, development, psychology, or parenting.

PP, if your kid is a disaster at school and an angel for you, it’s because your child is scared of you and you are not a source of support for them. OP’s experience is normal and a sign that her kid feels safe at home.

… or it’s a sign that home is unstructured and chaotic and school is more predictable and stimulating.

pro tip - a child does not have wild tantrums at home because they “feel safe.”

Yes they can. Don’t double down on ignorance.

NP
No, kids act like that at home because parents are clueless. Yes, the kid is a spoiled brat. They don’t act out at school because they have structure and rules. At home they rule the roost and their floundering parents are either walking on eggshells or running ragged to not set the kid off. OP needs to grow a pair and parent.

Another MAGA moron thinking they wrote the encyclopedia on parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the 4-year old well behaved in preschool?

OP here. The 4-year-old is well-behaved everywhere but at home. Preschool, grandparents, babysitters. She is still spirited and emotional, but very manageable. Her teachers and our date night babysitter were shocked when I was mentioning going to a therapist with her.

I do think a lot about if there's something truly off with her besides just being a very emotional kid, which absolutely runs in the family...and if so, what kind of therapy would really help. The thing is none of it really comes up in the therapist's office, she's an angel there.

If she is an angel at therapy and well behaved for the sitter and teacher, then it's a you problem.
Look at how you parent - you may have allowed what, in the past, would have been called a "spoiled brat"
She knows that you will bend over backwards to her every whim - and her ammunition is a full blown meltdown.
Therapy is needed - but likely for you and DH to understand how to set limits and put a stop to her being the emotional regulator for the family.

Lol. NP. This is spoken like someone who knows less than nothing about children, development, psychology, or parenting.

PP, if your kid is a disaster at school and an angel for you, it’s because your child is scared of you and you are not a source of support for them. OP’s experience is normal and a sign that her kid feels safe at home.

… or it’s a sign that home is unstructured and chaotic and school is more predictable and stimulating.

pro tip - a child does not have wild tantrums at home because they “feel safe.”

Yes they can. Don’t double down on ignorance.

NP
No, kids act like that at home because parents are clueless. Yes, the kid is a spoiled brat. They don’t act out at school because they have structure and rules. At home they rule the roost and their floundering parents are either walking on eggshells or running ragged to not set the kid off. OP needs to grow a pair and parent.

Another MAGA moron thinking they wrote the encyclopedia on parenting.

Not MAGA but clearly you need to go join the political forum echo chamber and leave parenting to the adults.