Please give it to me straight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce will help. Don't tell him about your past, that helps no one.

OP here. Kind of what I am thinking, despite my remorse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What chatgpt prompt did you use to produce this drivel?

OP here.

Sorry my life isn't more entertaining for you. Real life usually isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job?

OP here.

No, I quit my job once we had our first. It's been a long time since I've been in the workplace.

This is a hard one.

He's not willing to change, so what are you willing to do?

If you tell him you are thinking of divorcing him because he doesn't seem to care to be a part of the family, then what would be his response? Do you have family you can rely on?

OP here.

He has said he does care, etc but we all know it's actions over words (I haven't said I am thinking of doing so, but we argue about being mentally present so that reply comes up a lot).

What would I be willing to do? Yeah, it's scary to walk away after being with someone for half of your life.

My family is local but the shame from them would kill me, I think.

rock and a hard place. Either live with that shame or live with a husband who doesn't seem to want to be present in your lives and suffer that.

My sister went through something similar. She eventually divorced with a 1 yr old. It was tough, of course, but she relied on our parents. She got over the shame.

[Anonymous]

OP: 1. Show yourself a little grace on the nudes. If nothing physical happened, nothing unforgiveable has happened. Just let that go, it's not that big a deal. 2. You need individual counseling. 3. Your husband needs to be evaluated, and likely medicated, for ADHD. At a mininum you need professional help here. No shame. Go get it.

[Anonymous]

Ok well first of all, you can forgive yourself for your dumb past mistake. No contact, forget about it.

Second, stop having more kids!!!!!!!

Do you work? Are you dependent on him for income? If you are a SAHM consider getting a PT job to develop your own identity. This is good for all of you.

You need to talk with him about dividing you some responsibilities; much easier to do if you work a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: 1. Show yourself a little grace on the nudes. If nothing physical happened, nothing unforgiveable has happened. Just let that go, it's not that big a deal. 2. You need individual counseling. 3. Your husband needs to be evaluated, and likely medicated, for ADHD. At a mininum you need professional help here. No shame. Go get it.

OP here.

No, nothing physical at all. None of the nudes had my face in them.

And yes, you're absolutely right about individual counseling. I have told myself that even if he continues to refuse or stall on couples counseling that I should still do some on my own.

I appreciate your reply and encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Ok, you send nudes. It’s done and over, moving on. If things were so bad with one child, why on gods earth did you have two more? If you struck out on your own with one child, you could have managed. Very tough now. He’s not going to change. Start making an exit strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok well first of all, you can forgive yourself for your dumb past mistake. No contact, forget about it.

Second, stop having more kids!!!!!!!

Do you work? Are you dependent on him for income? If you are a SAHM consider getting a PT job to develop your own identity. This is good for all of you.

You need to talk with him about dividing you some responsibilities; much easier to do if you work a little bit.

OP here.

Correct, we haven't spoken (read: texted since Fall '23). I just abruptly stopped and never continued. He also stopped because I think he also realized I was ashamed (I even told him this at one point) and that I wasn't about to up and leave my husband for him. I think we both understand that while we have a lot in common, we aren't getting together.

I haven't worked outside the home in 8 years so it will be a challenge getting a job again.

In fact, over the years I have said I wanted to work PT but husband has always shut it down, saying I won't make enough to make it worth it and it will just take away from me raising the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, you send nudes. It’s done and over, moving on. If things were so bad with one child, why on gods earth did you have two more? If you struck out on your own with one child, you could have managed. Very tough now. He’s not going to change. Start making an exit strategy.

OP here.

Yes, you're right. I don't know, I think the act of having children was possibly a way to feel love even though that is not a reason to have them.

Perhaps I thought I would get some attention and help by being pregnant. It never worked and I ended up being criticized for needing to rest while pregnant with our latest child.

They are stressful little balls of cute energy and having more hasn't been easy for our relationship.

But my kids are here now and I don't regret any of them. I love them all very much.

What a whirlwind.

I appreciate your reply.

[Anonymous]

He knows you cheated on him.
He half suspects the kids aren't his.

He's sticking around because likely easier than divorcing you.

You are not blameless in this situation as much as you have tried to portray yourself as a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows you cheated on him.
He half suspects the kids aren't his.

He's sticking around because likely easier than divorcing you.

You are not blameless in this situation as much as you have tried to portray yourself as a victim.

OP here.

What?? My husband is the only man I've ever been with physically and sexually.

My kids are 100% his kids, too.

And yes, I've said many times I know I completely messed up by chatting with the old co-worker. I never disclosed this to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't had sex in a while, I can almost assure you that you husband is having sex with someone else.

Unclear how to get you both on the same side. I agree that maybe your emotions affair was what started you and your husband's distance from each other.

This is just not true. Low T is a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't had sex in a while, I can almost assure you that you husband is having sex with someone else.

Unclear how to get you both on the same side. I agree that maybe your emotions affair was what started you and your husband's distance from each other.

This is just not true. Low T is a thing.

OP here.

Based on how much my husband wants sex, I can't say he suffers from low T.

[Anonymous]

You cannot not have sex with your husband and expect emotional connection. No wonder he is always angry and on the phone. You could also be a ticking time bomb, which could be a reason he doesn’t have conversations with you

[Anonymous]

Wait someone tell me how ops DH is at fault here.

Op had an affair. She won’t have sex with her husband. She pushed through having three kids with a man she didn’t like, even though it’s cruel to the kids. She doesn’t work and naps every day and can’t get off the sofa.

How is her DH the problem here? I would hate my wife too if I was married to OP.