Please give it to me straight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't had sex in a while, I can almost assure you that you husband is having sex with someone else.

Unclear how to get you both on the same side. I agree that maybe your emotions affair was what started you and your husband's distance from each other.

OP here.

I know he isn't because he rarely leaves the house since he works from home.

He goes out food shopping and to Home Depot and that's about it.

His free time is spent working on his projects at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job?

OP here.

No, I quit my job once we had our first. It's been a long time since I've been in the workplace.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's not cheating? I would not tell him unless you are ready to divorce and live in a no fault state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Nothing is going to change. Divorce.

OP here.

I know I also have my own issues that I know he can't stand.

Obviously a lack of sex on my part is the #1 I'm sure he'd say.

I also have OCD and my issues spill over to him and he resents that part of me.

I know it is not 100% him as the problem, even though I framed it that way because I wasn't thinking about my problems that I bring to the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he's not cheating? I would not tell him unless you are ready to divorce and live in a no fault state.

OP here.

I don't see how he could. We are both at home 99% of the time.

He occasionally has to go into the office for meetings but it's not common.

Other than that, he goes food shopping and to Home Depot for project supplies and that's essentially it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a terrible, terrible, terrible mistake years ago.

My husband and I have been together for a long time (20 years).

A few years ago, we moved to a different state. I was newly pregnant and at the time my husband started a new business venture which left him away from home a lot, on top of his normal day job.

With a young child and being pregnant, I felt very alone and like I was solo parenting.

I had expressed this numerous times to no avail. I felt ignored, unheard, and moved to the side.

I began chatting with a former co-worker. I knew he had a crush on me. It was an absolute cheap shot.

For a few months, things got heavy. We ended up sending each other nudes. I am horribly ashamed of this.

I admit that I enjoyed the attention. I wasn't getting noticed or helped by my husband (not excusing my poor behavior).

Years later we ended up returning back to where we moved from and on a few occasions we met up with one another.

We never ever did anything physical with each other when we were together.

For some reason I guess I thought it was still okay if nothing physical happened. I now know that it was still just as bad.

I haven't talked to this person in nearly 2 years - zero contact. I realized this was something I needed to do and to never talk with them again.

Fast forward to the present.

Husband and I now have two more children (one is a baby) and our relationship is still not good at all.

He is never really mentally present when he's with us. He is glued to his phone, chatting with co-workers or people on the Internet he's never actually met and probably never will.

Our kids ask him to play with them but he never does.

He works on his own hobby projects as he pleases while I parent all of our children 24/7. I take care of everything kid related. Medical appointments (scheduling and attending), meals, bedtime/teeth, bathing, schooling, nighttime duty with the baby, 1-1 time with our oldest).

I am always exhausted and usually fall asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day (when toddler and baby are napping) or shortly before bedtime.

I have continuously asked him to put down the phone when he is done wit his day job and to not message his co-workers that he was just talking with all day, but it hasn't happened yet.

I cry, beg, yell, but it doesn't make a difference.

I think he has anger issues because he yells at our kids pretty frequently and very quickly once he is around them, despite not being near them during the day.

Obviously we have no sex life. We barely embrace and are just roommates at this point.

As mentioned above, I am exhausted every single day which doesn't help.

I continue to feel ignored, minimized, invisible. Now I have more kids to parent alone and I feel sad much of the time and have cried in secret at times.

We fight often about child rearing, home responsibilities, money spending, etc.

He very severely lacks any sort of sensitivity with me and our kids.

He rarely looks at me when I'm speaking to him. I usually have to ask him to put down his phone so that he will even try to pay attention to what I'm saying.

He almost always forgets what I say to him. About everything. Children related or just something I told him (things that aren't meaningless).

He never seems to know what to do with our kids. He doesn't know what they like or dislike.

When I have to go out for any reason (previously it was a lot for prenatal appointments), the kids are typically not fed, diapers aren't changed, and our toddler is not put down for a nap until very late, almost pointless when it happens because they're awake at bedtime.

He wants sex but I have no interest in someone who doesn't even pay attention to me or have any sort of emotional connection.

I have said I want us to go to counseling but am always met with resistance.

We've been together for so long that it is hard to imagine us not being together, even though we are quite dysfunctional.

I know I messed up in a massive way and he didn't deserve that, despite how unhappy I've been.

At times I have wondered if we should just separate. I hate to think of our kids growing up with their parents not together.

Not to mention living in two different places and the logistical complications of such.

And the shame. Only one couple between my mother and father's side have ended in divorce. So it's basically not a thing in my family.

At the same time, I feel like I'm already doing everything for the kids by myself anyways..

And I don't want our kids to think this is at all normal.

Sometimes I want to fix things and sometimes I don't know if it's worth it.

All this to say, how do you know when it's time to make things work or end it?

Dump him. You were entirely justified in cheating, and none of his actions were ok. You're blameless and he's toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job?

OP here.

No, I quit my job once we had our first. It's been a long time since I've been in the workplace.

This is a hard one.

He's not willing to change, so what are you willing to do?

If you tell him you are thinking of divorcing him because he doesn't seem to care to be a part of the family, then what would be his response? Do you have family you can rely on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Nothing is going to change. Divorce.

OP here.

I know I also have my own issues that I know he can't stand.

Obviously a lack of sex on my part is the #1 I'm sure he'd say.

I also have OCD and my issues spill over to him and he resents that part of me.

I know it is not 100% him as the problem, even though I framed it that way because I wasn't thinking about my problems that I bring to the table.

God, you're exhausting. You have zero intention of divorcing even though you know you should. You're one of those women who whine and fret but you have zero courage for the one life you've been given and you can't even get it up for the sake of your kids. Ick I'm out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a job?

OP here.

No, I quit my job once we had our first. It's been a long time since I've been in the workplace.

This is a hard one.

He's not willing to change, so what are you willing to do?

If you tell him you are thinking of divorcing him because he doesn't seem to care to be a part of the family, then what would be his response? Do you have family you can rely on?

OP here.

He has said he does care, etc but we all know it's actions over words (I haven't said I am thinking of doing so, but we argue about being mentally present so that reply comes up a lot).

What would I be willing to do? Yeah, it's scary to walk away after being with someone for half of your life.

My family is local but the shame from them would kill me, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Nothing is going to change. Divorce.

OP here.

I know I also have my own issues that I know he can't stand.

Obviously a lack of sex on my part is the #1 I'm sure he'd say.

I also have OCD and my issues spill over to him and he resents that part of me.

I know it is not 100% him as the problem, even though I framed it that way because I wasn't thinking about my problems that I bring to the table.

God, you're exhausting. You have zero intention of divorcing even though you know you should. You're one of those women who whine and fret but you have zero courage for the one life you've been given and you can't even get it up for the sake of your kids. Ick I'm out.

OP here.

I'm sorry that you are disgusted by me.

It is scary to leave someone that you've been with for half of your life. I wouldn't pretend otherwise.

Thank you for replying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a terrible, terrible, terrible mistake years ago.

My husband and I have been together for a long time (20 years).

A few years ago, we moved to a different state. I was newly pregnant and at the time my husband started a new business venture which left him away from home a lot, on top of his normal day job.

With a young child and being pregnant, I felt very alone and like I was solo parenting.

I had expressed this numerous times to no avail. I felt ignored, unheard, and moved to the side.

I began chatting with a former co-worker. I knew he had a crush on me. It was an absolute cheap shot.

For a few months, things got heavy. We ended up sending each other nudes. I am horribly ashamed of this.

I admit that I enjoyed the attention. I wasn't getting noticed or helped by my husband (not excusing my poor behavior).

Years later we ended up returning back to where we moved from and on a few occasions we met up with one another.

We never ever did anything physical with each other when we were together.

For some reason I guess I thought it was still okay if nothing physical happened. I now know that it was still just as bad.

I haven't talked to this person in nearly 2 years - zero contact. I realized this was something I needed to do and to never talk with them again.

Fast forward to the present.

Husband and I now have two more children (one is a baby) and our relationship is still not good at all.

He is never really mentally present when he's with us. He is glued to his phone, chatting with co-workers or people on the Internet he's never actually met and probably never will.

Our kids ask him to play with them but he never does.

He works on his own hobby projects as he pleases while I parent all of our children 24/7. I take care of everything kid related. Medical appointments (scheduling and attending), meals, bedtime/teeth, bathing, schooling, nighttime duty with the baby, 1-1 time with our oldest).

I am always exhausted and usually fall asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day (when toddler and baby are napping) or shortly before bedtime.

I have continuously asked him to put down the phone when he is done wit his day job and to not message his co-workers that he was just talking with all day, but it hasn't happened yet.

I cry, beg, yell, but it doesn't make a difference.

I think he has anger issues because he yells at our kids pretty frequently and very quickly once he is around them, despite not being near them during the day.

Obviously we have no sex life. We barely embrace and are just roommates at this point.

As mentioned above, I am exhausted every single day which doesn't help.

I continue to feel ignored, minimized, invisible. Now I have more kids to parent alone and I feel sad much of the time and have cried in secret at times.

We fight often about child rearing, home responsibilities, money spending, etc.

He very severely lacks any sort of sensitivity with me and our kids.

He rarely looks at me when I'm speaking to him. I usually have to ask him to put down his phone so that he will even try to pay attention to what I'm saying.

He almost always forgets what I say to him. About everything. Children related or just something I told him (things that aren't meaningless).

He never seems to know what to do with our kids. He doesn't know what they like or dislike.

When I have to go out for any reason (previously it was a lot for prenatal appointments), the kids are typically not fed, diapers aren't changed, and our toddler is not put down for a nap until very late, almost pointless when it happens because they're awake at bedtime.

He wants sex but I have no interest in someone who doesn't even pay attention to me or have any sort of emotional connection.

I have said I want us to go to counseling but am always met with resistance.

We've been together for so long that it is hard to imagine us not being together, even though we are quite dysfunctional.

I know I messed up in a massive way and he didn't deserve that, despite how unhappy I've been.

At times I have wondered if we should just separate. I hate to think of our kids growing up with their parents not together.

Not to mention living in two different places and the logistical complications of such.

And the shame. Only one couple between my mother and father's side have ended in divorce. So it's basically not a thing in my family.

At the same time, I feel like I'm already doing everything for the kids by myself anyways..

And I don't want our kids to think this is at all normal.

Sometimes I want to fix things and sometimes I don't know if it's worth it.

All this to say, how do you know when it's time to make things work or end it?

Dump him. You were entirely justified in cheating, and none of his actions were ok. You're blameless and he's toxic.

OP here.

See the thing is that I know I royally messed up. I don't know if I would ever tell myself I wasn't wrong in behaving that way.

That is something that if he knew about, he could be the one to end it. And I don't think I'd be able to argue against his reasoning there.

[Anonymous]

Well, step 1 towards divorce is you getting a job so I'd start there.

Step 2 is discernment counseling with you and him. Discernment counseling helps you decide whether you want to divorce or you don't and want to continue with marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, step 1 towards divorce is you getting a job so I'd start there.

Step 2 is discernment counseling with you and him. Discernment counseling helps you decide whether you want to divorce or you don't and want to continue with marriage counseling.

OP here.

Thank you for your response. I had no idea discernment counseling was even a thing.

We haven't even begun marriage counseling so this is good information to know.

[Anonymous]

Divorce will help. Don't tell him about your past, that helps no one.

[Anonymous]

What chatgpt prompt did you use to produce this drivel?