Nightmare “new” neighbor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

I

Buy fewer things, throw out or donate items you don’t use or need, make sure all items have a home. Then when you take things out put them back. Teach your kids to do the same. Help them clean up and praise them when they do it without prompting. Have them bus their own dishes after meals. Cook less elaborate meals. Clutter and mess make things so much harder. You don’t know where anything is and it creates anxiety.

For a spouse who is messy or won’t help at home: Talk to them? At least try to throw things out quarterly and buy as little as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

I

Buy fewer things, throw out or donate items you don’t use or need, make sure all items have a home. Then when you take things out put them back. Teach your kids to do the same. Help them clean up and praise them when they do it without prompting. Have them bus their own dishes after meals. Cook less elaborate meals. Clutter and mess make things so much harder. You don’t know where anything is and it creates anxiety.

For a spouse who is messy or won’t help at home: Talk to them? At least try to throw things out quarterly and buy as little as you can.

This is really awful advice environmentally.

It cracks me up that the PP above you is saying their house is spotless, when the cleaning lady is there every other weekend. Sounds really difficult! That person didn’t commit to doing the work they claimed, they just hired underpaid laborers to clean up after them and then believe themselves to be commendable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

You all use a cleaning service? I would never. They are absolutely stealing things like TP, toothpaste, laundry detergent, etc from you.

This might be one of the dumbest things I've ever read here, and that says a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

DP

Why would anyone want to try living with a deadbeat slob? I would decline that offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have contact to former owners? Can you contact them and let them know what is going on? How do you know they gave him the house and just not letting him live there? Some parents allow it if you do proper upkeep or pay rent.

My mom owns a beach home, neighbor died, two kids inherited. One kid let their adult "child" (40s!) move in during Covid. What a mess. Crap in the yard, put in a makeshift firepit within feet of a building on my mom's property (not allowed), screaming, fights with random men, it is awful. Awhile ago the cops kept showing up and she was screaming and throwing crap out to some guy who she let move in. Adult child is a nightmare, clearly has issues and sends my mom nasty emails with the adults who own it (dad and uncle) on copy. My mom finally replied to the email and mapped out what an awful neighbor she was. My mom explained she would deal with the owners but no longer the adult child who inhabits the home. The owners didn't respond. My mom has landscapers since she isn't there always and this person harassed the landscapers so much they quit. She said she would call ICE (they are citizens but WTH) on them.

It is a small private street where the neighbors all know each other and never had an issue like this before. The year-rounders watch out for the people who don't live near round (including paying them to check on homes etc). I have known basically everyone on the street my entire life. It is awful, but the owners refuse to do anything about it and just let the adult kid create havoc!

I have elementary kids and this person has random people coming and going all the time. I don't feel comfortable with my kids roaming on their own because of the random people always around and broken crap in the yard, etc.

It's really sad all around. The parents are between a rock and a hard place: they cannot change their child with serious mental problems, and don't want to have them die in the street. Meanwhile, the neighbors suffer.

Sell the house and put him in a much more manageable condo and have a cleaning service come in every few weeks to clean up the inside. We did this with my alcoholic brother in law and it is the best thing to do. The local cops and bus drivers keep an eye for him if he passes out between the nearby shopping center and his condo. The cops will either take him home or the bus driver will alert a cop to do the same. He is beyond rehab or any type of help. We are letting him live as he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

You all use a cleaning service? I would never. They are absolutely stealing things like TP, toothpaste, laundry detergent, etc from you.

Not from me. I take the day off and watch them like a hawk. No one is getting out the door with one squeeze of toothpaste, two square of TP, and a thimbleful of laundry detergent. This is why you need a tazer -- wise up and let those cleaners know you mean business!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

I

Buy fewer things, throw out or donate items you don’t use or need, make sure all items have a home. Then when you take things out put them back. Teach your kids to do the same. Help them clean up and praise them when they do it without prompting. Have them bus their own dishes after meals. Cook less elaborate meals. Clutter and mess make things so much harder. You don’t know where anything is and it creates anxiety.

For a spouse who is messy or won’t help at home: Talk to them? At least try to throw things out quarterly and buy as little as you can.

This is really awful advice environmentally.

It cracks me up that the PP above you is saying their house is spotless, when the cleaning lady is there every other weekend. Sounds really difficult! That person didn’t commit to doing the work they claimed, they just hired underpaid laborers to clean up after them and then believe themselves to be commendable!

DP. Having someone clean every other week when you have three young children and two dogs and two working parents does not make your house spotless. Many people have a cleaning service, but their house is messy and cluttered because they have too much stuff and don’t put anything away. PP said it would take an hour to clean up after dinner, so there was no point. That it would take hours to clean up after taking items out, so no point. A cleaning person who comes for 5-6 hours every other week is dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and washing linens. The person is not putting all your kids toys away and throwing out papers on your desk or arranging clothing in drawers. A cleaning person every other week is not a house keeper. And yes, you need to go through things and donate and recycle/throw out items multiple times a year, especially if you have young children. Your children outgrow toys and clothing and shoes and books get bent and ripped. You shouldn’t be hanging onto every item you bring into your home for years. Most importantly, stop buying cheap useless items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

DP

Why would anyone want to try living with a deadbeat slob? I would decline that offer.

l

+1. Every person I dated as an adult was incredibly neat and clean, including my eventual husband. I don’t want to live with a slob who doesn’t care let alone be married to that person. The idea that it’s totally on women to do everything at home is backwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

Actually, depression, ADHD, etc, are quite common, and dare I say “normal?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considerate and lovely neighbors gave their $3m home to adult child who doesn’t work or care for the house. Seems like the home, which is the grand dame on the block is falling into abject disrepair. Another neighbor said that they have seen rodents, perhaps from trash left (food containers) or dog poop left on the yard.

Someone has spoken to him gently about this. It didn’t go well.

Is there anything the neighbors can do?

I will never give a $3 million home to my child if he doesn't work. These are very irresponsible parents.

[Anonymous]

Agreed w Pp!! Irresponsible and inconsiderate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

Actually, depression, ADHD, etc, are quite common, and dare I say “normal?”

I have ADHD and the only way I can function is by having an incredibly clean house and forcing myself to put everything back in the place where it belongs. If I don’t do that I have no idea where anything is and I’m constantly searching for my phone or my bag or car keys etc. My ADHD allows me to hyper focus on cleaning and organizing and purging, so every 3-4 months my husband will take the kids for a few hours and I’ll do a seasonal clean and purge. I’ll go through the kids toys and clothes, throw out expired medicine in the medicine cabinets, organize any toys that have migrated from where they should be, etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone assuming mental problems where there is no evidence of one.

The more likely explanation is your neighbor has no experience taking care of a "grand dame" of a house, whether he's spent his whole life having things handed to him or he's just never been responsible for property upkeep, and probably doesn't care to live up to your neighborhood's expectations of the house. Single men eat takeout. It's not a symptom of disease.

This. I have relatives that have decent to good jobs and children in private school, but aren’t clean, fastidious people. They have cleaners and yard clean up, and their houses and yards are somehow still a mess. Like bathrooms with empty tampon containers on the floor and full tampon containers on the sink and clutter and papers in the kitchen. Not hoarding level, but just really messy.

They are very busy and don’t have ability to be picking up every mess. Usually this work falls on the woman of the house. If she is working full time she is too tired to have to constantly tidy up after everyone and just gives up. It’s very time consuming to maintain perfect home even for a SAHM with school aged kids. When you get invited to a neat home it’s because it’s been cleaned up before you arrived. Your family or close friends may not care to try to impress you with appearances, so you see their home in its natural state. Even if you have a weekly cleaner your house can get messy every day with people not taking care putting things away, taking trash out or disposing of it properly. I calculated how long it takes to keep a neat kitchen, and it’s at least 1 hour each day.. To clean a messier kitchen after cooking dinner and kids serving themselves and putting all things away, etc. it’s easily 2 hours.

You need FT housekeeper or a live in whose job is to keep things neat daily, that’s what rich people do who live in immaculate homes.

Outdoors is even easier to look messy because of fallout from the trees, rain, debris, dirt. If you don’t have an outdoor cleaner on regular basis it will get messy and unkempt even with monthly lawn care.

This is all just one long rationalization for having a messy house. It is not true that no one has a neat house. We have a cleaner come every two weeks and our house has always been tidy, even when we were both working demanding careers and had small children. There may be other reasons people have messy houses — depression, ADHD, etc— but it is not normal, and stop telling yourself it is.

+1. Three kids under 7, 2 dogs, 2 parents working full time, cleaner every other week and our house is spotless and everything has a place. You just have to commit to doing the work.

Oh look! Superior Susans are chiming in! Try living with slob hoarder husbands or husbands who do absolutely zero at home. Judgy Judy, the single mom of 3 kids, working 80 hour weeks with a perfect home is ready to chime in on a count of 3. DCUM race to the bottom of hardship barrel is on.

I

Buy fewer things, throw out or donate items you don’t use or need, make sure all items have a home. Then when you take things out put them back. Teach your kids to do the same. Help them clean up and praise them when they do it without prompting. Have them bus their own dishes after meals. Cook less elaborate meals. Clutter and mess make things so much harder. You don’t know where anything is and it creates anxiety.

For a spouse who is messy or won’t help at home: Talk to them? At least try to throw things out quarterly and buy as little as you can.

This is really awful advice environmentally.

It cracks me up that the PP above you is saying their house is spotless, when the cleaning lady is there every other weekend. Sounds really difficult! That person didn’t commit to doing the work they claimed, they just hired underpaid laborers to clean up after them and then believe themselves to be commendable!

DP. Having someone clean every other week when you have three young children and two dogs and two working parents does not make your house spotless. Many people have a cleaning service, but their house is messy and cluttered because they have too much stuff and don’t put anything away. PP said it would take an hour to clean up after dinner, so there was no point. That it would take hours to clean up after taking items out, so no point. A cleaning person who comes for 5-6 hours every other week is dusting, vacuuming, mopping, and washing linens. The person is not putting all your kids toys away and throwing out papers on your desk or arranging clothing in drawers. A cleaning person every other week is not a house keeper. And yes, you need to go through things and donate and recycle/throw out items multiple times a year, especially if you have young children. Your children outgrow toys and clothing and shoes and books get bent and ripped. You shouldn’t be hanging onto every item you bring into your home for years. Most importantly, stop buying cheap useless items.

So in essence you recommend “Buy Now! (You should watch that documentary BTW) But only if it is quality and you can expect to throw it away after 3 months!”

I don’t see doing decluttering AND all of the deep cleaning as less work than only doing decluttering while hiring others to do deep cleaning, but you seem to think that is equivalent. This is objectively wrong to me and so we have to agree to disagree since yes are coming at this from a different understanding of time and work.

[Anonymous]

I’d offer to help