Is it normal to want your kids to go to better colleges than you did?

[Anonymous]

I want them to make more money so that not having money is not an obstacle to what they want to do or where they want to go in life. The school is just one aspect of that.

[Anonymous]

In state = 13th Grade to most kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went to highly ranked schools. Would love the kids to go to similarly ranked but not a chance they will get in these days sadly.

This x1000. The kicker is that our kids are far smarter, more talented and more diligent than we ever were as students. Our kids would have a significantly higher chance of getting in if we had never gone to college at all let alone been multiple legacies back, worked at Target and lived in a low income zip code.

[Anonymous]

I just want my kids to be as happy and successful in college as I was. I also do not define "better" by rankings, and am actually appalled at how prevalent that seems to be in this area and DCUM in particular.

I also went to American, OP, and I strongly disagree with your characterization of it as a school "with an inferiority complex." I'm sorry you didn't want to be there, but that was a you thing. AU was easily my first choice, I selected it over the University of Michigan in-state, and would do the same today in a heartbeat. It was an amazing experience that set me up for a great post-college job, T-14 law school, an enjoyable (really!) decade in Biglaw followed by a nonprofit career and a happy life. The key was that I affirmatively chose AU as the place I wanted to be, and the place I would branch out and make my own life. I went in with the attitude that happiness leads to a thriving college experience, and that proved to be the case.

So I don't think it is possible for my kids to go to a "better" college than I did, because I could not have been happier with my own experience. It has nothing to do with "prestige." It is all about fit and mindset. My DC will be attending W&M -- chose it over UVA, and it was not a hard decision, because that is where they feel happiest, that is where they want to be. A lot of it is about "gut feeling," so I acknowledge there will be a luck factor involved. I fervently hope DC's experience is as positive as mine. I am proud and excited for what lies ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:bunch of MIT, Yale, T10 folks have nothing to do but to post here. At least i'm outside of T25!

They need a new bunch of people to brag to. Everybody they already know is sick of hearing about how fab New Haven was in the late '80s.

[Anonymous]

Like OP, I got into more prestigious schools than I attended (got into both UCSD and Wellesley, attended my state flagship) due to family finances. I did wind up attending a T10 law school. My spouse attended an Ivy.

My perspective for my kids is that they should attend colleges that are a good fit for them academically, personality-wise, and for their professional goals. I don't care that much about prestige, and having attended both a school with minimal prestige (my undergrad is considered impressive in my hometown, but not in DC or NY) and one with a lot of prestige (people will automatically respect me more when the find out where I went to law school), is that prestige is dumb. I received a fantastic education at my undergrad. While many of my peers at my law school were impressive, many were also not the impressive (merely wealthy, well connected, and well supported by family). The quality of teaching was better at my undergrad, the strength of connections better at my law school. Which wound up not mattering for me because I decided to make a left turn in my career and don't work in the legal industry.

What I wish is that my family had worked with me to find a school we could afford that also matched my desire to go work in a more competitive field in a place like DC, NY, LA, or SF. That did not have to mean being full pay at UCSD or Wellesley (the ways in which those schools are wildly different should tell you how unfocused my college search was). I should have looked at SLACs in places like Pennsylvania, California, Maine, upstate NY, and Massachusetts, some of which likely would have offered me merit aid as I had very good scores and a high GPA. I also should have looked at state schools like William & Mary and Pitt, which would have offered me proximity to the places I wanted to work later, peers who might also work in those places, and great academics. I just should have approached the whole thing more strategically, but I was 17 and knew nothing about the world, and my parents were honestly not much savvier (actually less savvy in many ways because I think they thought if they could force me to go to school nearby, I'd stay in our hometown, which was never, ever on the table for me.

So no, I don't think prestige is essential. Good fit is essential, I didn't have a good fit at either my undergrad or grad school, I intend to help my kids do better.

[Anonymous]

My parents never seemed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Yale so...

HPSM it is.

[Anonymous]

In my professional life I see no correlation between where people went to school and how they are doing professionally. (We tend not to hire people who went to extremely bad schools, but AU vs Georgetown or UVA vs UMD or Harvard vs Notre Dame doesn't seem to make a difference.)

[Anonymous]

Nah. I went to an Ivy and actively don’t want my kids to go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re projecting & it’s a little toxic, especially given that schools are far more competitive to get into than when you were in high school.

I do want my kid to go t a better fit school than I did as my choices were also constrained by finances (and, for complicated reasons, general location which I hated & wanted to leave)

This, especially the part about fit.

I actually went to Georgetown, and so did my spouse. My kid got into Georgetown, even though it's much harder to get into now than it was 30 years ago. We went to visit and I was reminded of all the ways in which GU was not a good fit for me. My loves the SFS curriculum, but I think also feels the same way the culture. She's still on the fence about where she's going, but I don't think it will be GU (and not because she's found a higher ranked school, because she's looking at schools that are better fits.)

My kid almost went there, but admitted student day kid looked outright depressed. It's a great fit for many. It was not for my kid at all and pivoted from it. It was a surprise because it was a frontrunner for awhile.

I'm the GU grad you're quoting. We were at the April 5 GAAP weekend event and I agree that admitted students day was a big letdown. I was struck by the fact that no one seemed to engage with us -- no chit-chat, minimal greeters. It was a big contrast to William & Mary's Monroe event, which was the second part of that weekend -- everyone there was super friendly.

DD went to 4/4-5 admitted students weekend and had a blast. was concerned about the culture/stereotype but met so many friendly students and prospectives she clicked with that she's now super excited to attend. agree that fit matters, but it's interesting how people have different impressions. DH and DD were impressed by the GAAP students' warm welcome, cheering at gates, student-run event with separate sessions for students.

as for original question, DH and i are both hyp legacy (met in college) and DD on wl. we were both immigrant children and really driven, plus colleges were easier to get into then. she is a great student but doesn't have the single-minded obsession we had, which i think is actually a healthier outlook to balance academics with a social life and enjoy herself more than we did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re projecting & it’s a little toxic, especially given that schools are far more competitive to get into than when you were in high school.

I do want my kid to go t a better fit school than I did as my choices were also constrained by finances (and, for complicated reasons, general location which I hated & wanted to leave)

This, especially the part about fit.

I actually went to Georgetown, and so did my spouse. My kid got into Georgetown, even though it's much harder to get into now than it was 30 years ago. We went to visit and I was reminded of all the ways in which GU was not a good fit for me. My loves the SFS curriculum, but I think also feels the same way the culture. She's still on the fence about where she's going, but I don't think it will be GU (and not because she's found a higher ranked school, because she's looking at schools that are better fits.)

can you say more about the culture and why it's not a good fit? My kid is enamored with GU but I'm wondering if a good fit.

[Anonymous]

I wanted my kid to go where they wanted to go, have no debt from attending college, and get a degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my personal story is actually not quite this, but I wonder how people feel and act.

(My personal piece is that as a first time college applicant in my family, I wanted Georgetown, got in, my parents couldn’t afford it, and I went to American for a low price and am annoyed to have gone to a school with an inferiority complex, which I clearly also have.)

I have this sense that if my high schooler regardless of plans doesn’t go to a school more prestigious than mine, I probably screwed up. Didn’t help enough or make things happen that could have developed the kid’s potential. And kid probably doesn’t want to think of themself as an underachiever.

My school was good enough for me, it's good enough for my kids. And it's a great school regardless of DCUM standards.

[Anonymous]

I want my kids to go to a school, any school they choose, where their scores are at or approaching the 75th percentile and not the 25th or below, even if they can get in.

I chose the most prestigious school I could get into with a difficult major that wasn't a great fit for my strengths, and I really struggled. I got in but I couldn't compete. I wasn't prepared and everything seemed so much harder for me than for my friends. It wasn't worth it and I've struggled with imposter syndrome ever since.