Is it normal to want your kids to go to better colleges than you did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I did grow up in such a prestige focused part of the country. I'm encouraging the kids to think about value over ranking.

Spouse & I went to big state universities and are happy and doing well.

This. You can have a good life and not overpay for college. Debt is crushing. We have enough saved to send kids to the in state flagship. All good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. DH and I both went to highly ranked universities from middling public high schools and I have accepted that my kids won’t get into either school. It’s just so much harder to get in to these schools today and that doesn’t reflect on my kids or our parenting.

+1. My kid was waitlisted at the SLAC I attended 30 years ago, even though they had a stronger profile than what I had 30 years ago. And my then-safeties-and-targets are now close to being lottery schools. As another parent on another thread said about these being different times, different kids, different metrics. It’s a hard thing for many parents to accept but a lot of our kids are not getting into the same schools that accepted us 30-40 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I went to an Ivy and spouse went to a top-ranked public flagship. We were both lower middle class kids who had great outcomes from college and we needed them. Our DC (an only) doesn’t have to worry about cost and will benefit from many social connections in all kinds of interesting fields. We hope he goes to a college where he has a rewarding academic experience but aren’t overly concerned about selectively and prestige. He has top grades and scores so will get in somewhere fine.

[Anonymous]

I want my kids to go to college where it's a good fit for them and doesn't require going into debt. I turned down a higher ranked school for a better fit when I went to college and it served me well. I'd like them to have as good a college experience as I did at whatever school they choose.

DH and I both went to regional public schools and work with and are friends with people who went to all kinds of colleges. IME, there is a very narrow set of professions that really need an elite school to break into (IB, big management consulting firms). My kids were not interested in those professions. They picked very different schools - one big state U, one small LAC - but both fit what they were looking for and fit our budget. Both are doing well, one's about to graduate with a job. What more should I ask for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re projecting & it’s a little toxic, especially given that schools are far more competitive to get into than when you were in high school.

I do want my kid to go t a better fit school than I did as my choices were also constrained by finances (and, for complicated reasons, general location which I hated & wanted to leave)

This, especially the part about fit.

I actually went to Georgetown, and so did my spouse. My kid got into Georgetown, even though it's much harder to get into now than it was 30 years ago. We went to visit and I was reminded of all the ways in which GU was not a good fit for me. My loves the SFS curriculum, but I think also feels the same way the culture. She's still on the fence about where she's going, but I don't think it will be GU (and not because she's found a higher ranked school, because she's looking at schools that are better fits.)

My kid almost went there, but admitted student day kid looked outright depressed. It's a great fit for many. It was not for my kid at all and pivoted from it. It was a surprise because it was a frontrunner for awhile.

I'm the GU grad you're quoting. We were at the April 5 GAAP weekend event and I agree that admitted students day was a big letdown. I was struck by the fact that no one seemed to engage with us -- no chit-chat, minimal greeters. It was a big contrast to William & Mary's Monroe event, which was the second part of that weekend -- everyone there was super friendly.

Yes! We loved the Monroe event !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Yale so...

Wow, tell us more!

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it’s normal but l would be surprised if my tween gets into the school l attended, and it won’t bother me. I’m a really good test taker, he is not and I’m not going to try to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Yale so...

i think it should be adjusted by some form of inflation ... more students ... same number of spots ... acceptance rate is so much lower now.

yale years ago might be equivalent to state flag ship

[Anonymous]

It's not possible I went to MIT. That said, I want my kids to be happy. MIT I don't regret but it's not a totally fun college experience. It definitely rips you down emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not possible I went to MIT. That said, I want my kids to be happy. MIT I don't regret but it's not a totally fun college experience. It definitely rips you down emotionally.

Same here. DH and I are torn because we realize that we had really unique college experiences and received opportunities that wouldn’t have existed elsewhere, but it also into the struggle. We’ve encouraged DC to chase fit from day 1. Easier said than done in an unpredictable admissions environment when even a school ranked 100 isn’t a sure thing for a top student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to Yale so...

Yup, I went to T10 (non Ivy) and spouse went to a different T10 (Ivy), and we both went to a T15 for grad school (ranked T3 for our program). So nope, our kids didn't go to "better colleges than we did". One kid had no shot---they aimed at schools in the 80-100 range got into everything and did well (right fit for them).
Other had a chance, but didn't get into our alma maters (despite ED to mine) or any T25, but is attending a T40 and extremely happy

Fit matters more than "rank/pretige". And we are smart enough to realize that acceptance rates at T10 when we attended were 30-45%, so yeah it was easier and people only applied to 3-5 schools typically then (sure some did more, we were poor/LMC so we didn't do that).

[Anonymous]

As someone who went to a top ten school I actually feel the opposite. I remember the obsession in high school with going to the highest possible ranked school, which also included a lot of my peers taking on a significant chunk of debt. I was lucky enough to be a financial aid student (though had some loans) but then that also lead to some pretty clear class divide issues at school.

And now, yes, I have a good job, but my colleagues had a lot of different paths here. I know am better acquainted with focusing on internships and work experience that has better outcomes than just college alone. Having student debt in some ways forced me to be more responsible and less flexible. I wish I'd been able to so things like study abroad and had I chosen that free ride at my state school instead, maybe I could have swung it.

My undergrad costs 90k/year now (my kid is in elementary school) and yes, I've got a college account for my kid, but that cost is just insane. Especially in Virginia with tons of good state schools I don't see that being worth the sticker cost.

[Anonymous]

I’m not overly concerned about college rank for my dc. I think there are many places dc can get a good education, and I tend to think the rank obsession is misguided, and frankly that colleges are absurdly overpriced. FWIW I went to a top 15 (it was top 10 then) SLAC and dh went to HYP. He feels the same.

[Anonymous]

bunch of MIT, Yale, T10 folks have nothing to do but to post here. At least i'm outside of T25!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:bunch of MIT, Yale, T10 folks have nothing to do but to post here. At least i'm outside of T25!

Lol good point