Why do teens start hating their loving parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your implication of poverty being a reason a child might hate their parents is very offensive.

I think OP was just rattling off anything that could possible contribute to this behavior. Unfortunately, poverty can make a child feel insecure. I knew someone who had so much anxiety in her teens because she never knew if her family was going to get evicted. She ended up getting married very young (at 18) in order to escape the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can’t discount what’s happening with the school culture. Certainly not all, but many adults at the schools are actively fueling the breakup of the nuclear family… as in, “Your parents don’t understand you. We do.”

Have seen this happen even when you hire a therapist. Most parents have no clue what’s really going on behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mothers and sons in 2025 can be a sensitive adventure.

And boys have the added pressures of not being able to ask girls out like their used to back in the day (due to the metoo movement). I keep reading these articles about how boys today are scared of talking to girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people talk enough about how it feels for parents. Yes, obviously it's a phase, as the adult we have to handle it gracefully. But in every other relationship we have we are taught not to put up with dismissiveness, rudeness, conflict: we'd quit a job or complain to HR if a coworker or boss made our lives miserable every day, we'd get out of a relationship with a rude unhelpful partner, we'd cut off a friend who is always nasty to us. Here? We know that we have to strike a balance of still preserving some respect but also be calm, loving, be a rock in the phase of anxiety and change. Where does that leave us mentally and emotionally? It's really unhealthy for parents because so much sadness and frustration has to remain inside.

Exactly. I have a friend who is struggling so much right now. She feels like she is grieving the loss of a child (obviously not the same - but a grief nonetheless). Another friend is apprehensive about talking about this issue because whenever she does, everyone blames her (especially since we live in a culture where its always the fault of the parent).

Yes! Textbook example of this above :

"It's you. You're definitely the problem, you're just unaware of it and it has most likely been going on for your child's entire existence."

[Anonymous]

I'm dealing with this issue with my daughter right now. While in all other respects, she seems like a good, polite teen, she is terrible when it comes to her family. It's like she is disgusted to be around us. Yet, when I see her interact with ANYONE else (outside the family), she is as sweet as can be. Her younger sister is so uncomfortable around her that she hides in her room whenever her sister comes home. Hopefully, this phase will not last long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mothers and sons in 2025 can be a sensitive adventure.

And boys have the added pressures of not being able to ask girls out like their used to back in the day (due to the metoo movement). I keep reading these articles about how boys today are scared of talking to girls.

It also doesn't help when you see these girls post humiliating videos of boys asking them out on tiktok, instagram, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Loving parents are usually controlling, some more than others. Waking them up by a set time during spring break, controlling what and when they eat, what they watch, scheduling ever aspect of their life, as though they are toddlers.

Teens are growing into adults and are bound to rebel against the system.

Do you know any teens? I have two and have not done any of this in many many years with them, if ever for some of your list. They still have plenty of attitude.

Yes, I've raised three (youngest is 19). I'm sure your two would be worse the more you attempted to control.

I think that there is no magic formula in terms of what causes this behavior. I've seen teens with the most lenient parents, middle of the road parents and strict parents act this way. It's very hard to figure out and deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can’t discount what’s happening with the school culture. Certainly not all, but many adults at the schools are actively fueling the breakup of the nuclear family… as in, “Your parents don’t understand you. We do.”

Have seen this happen even when you hire a therapist. Most parents have no clue what’s really going on behind closed doors.

Unfortunately, this is true. I have seen it over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Loving parents are usually controlling, some more than others. Waking them up by a set time during spring break, controlling what and when they eat, what they watch, scheduling ever aspect of their life, as though they are toddlers.

Teens are growing into adults and are bound to rebel against the system.

Do you know any teens? I have two and have not done any of this in many many years with them, if ever for some of your list. They still have plenty of attitude.

Yes, I've raised three (youngest is 19). I'm sure your two would be worse the more you attempted to control.

I think that there is no magic formula in terms of what causes this behavior. I've seen teens with the most lenient parents, middle of the road parents and strict parents act this way. It's very hard to figure out and deal with.

Yes, and even within a family there are differences. Birth order also plays a big part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think people talk enough about how it feels for parents. Yes, obviously it's a phase, as the adult we have to handle it gracefully. But in every other relationship we have we are taught not to put up with dismissiveness, rudeness, conflict: we'd quit a job or complain to HR if a coworker or boss made our lives miserable every day, we'd get out of a relationship with a rude unhelpful partner, we'd cut off a friend who is always nasty to us. Here? We know that we have to strike a balance of still preserving some respect but also be calm, loving, be a rock in the phase of anxiety and change. Where does that leave us mentally and emotionally? It's really unhealthy for parents because so much sadness and frustration has to remain inside.

Exactly. I have a friend who is struggling so much right now. She feels like she is grieving the loss of a child (obviously not the same - but a grief nonetheless). Another friend is apprehensive about talking about this issue because whenever she does, everyone blames her (especially since we live in a culture where its always the fault of the parent).

Yes! Textbook example of this above :

"It's you. You're definitely the problem, you're just unaware of it and it has most likely been going on for your child's entire existence."

Yep or the parent is accused of being a narcissist (since that word gets used a lot) or is in denial. While this may be the case sometimes- certainly not ALL the time.

[Anonymous]

Going through it with my once incredibly sweet 15 year old.

At a sporting event recently I thought I saw her from afar but then saw that girl laughing and very animated so I looked elsewhere for my daughter, only to eventually realize that it WAS her. It’s been so long since she laughed or smiled around me that I didn’t even recognize her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Going through it with my once incredibly sweet 15 year old.

At a sporting event recently I thought I saw her from afar but then saw that girl laughing and very animated so I looked elsewhere for my daughter, only to eventually realize that it WAS her. It’s been so long since she laughed or smiled around me that I didn’t even recognize her.

It's almost uncanny how they can change so drastically, isn't it? Recently, I found a letter that my daughter wrote to me when she was 15. In the letter, she told me how much she loved me and how she appreciated having me as her Mom. 1 year later, she is a completely different person. According to her, the mere sight of me disgusts her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My own kid was not like this and neither was I. I understand that it does happen. I would focus on basic rules of respect and consequences for not being respectful. That has to start early.

This. I have also consistently called out any disrespect starting from a very young age. My 17yo is respectful most of the time, with slips of rudeness here and there. I call it out and I acknowledge it is typicay teen behavior. I don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mothers and sons in 2025 can be a sensitive adventure.

And boys have the added pressures of not being able to ask girls out like they’re used to back in the day (due to the metoo movement). I keep reading these articles about how boys today are scared of talking to girls.

You seem confused. MeToo was about not raping and sexually harassing girls and women, it has nothing to do with asking people out. Teens don’t generally date anymore anyway.

-they go out in groups
-if there’s romantic attraction then they start “talking to each other” which is basically flirting via device
-that will go nowhere, become a hook up, situationship, or a relationship
-there’s no pressure in asking someone out in a situationship or relationship because you’ve already agreed you want to do stuff together

[Anonymous]

(1) teen narcissism & lack of empathy

Or

(2) clingy parents and the teen has to push them away