Get with the AP and send him the pics. That will show him.
Share them with us too |
Get a grip. No-fault divorces benefit women too. We know nothing about OP and her "morals". |
For anyone who has had this clause is it beneficial (makes them less likely to want custody bc they just want the AP over) or does it tend to encourage an early marriage? |
Any experience how courts look at 50/50 if one parent works a lot (or sees their AP a lot) and their plan is to use a nanny during their time with the kids? Do courts favor an actual parent over a paid caregiver, or they value 50/50 more and leave the logistics up to parental discretion? |
+1 Win/win for everyone! |
Judges don't care about adultery. It's no factor in your divorce or child custody arrangements. Your attorney should have told you this. Get your legal advice from them, not here. |
This |
Does your DH even want 50-50? |
A lot of them want it because it's advantageous to them when calculating child support but no, they don't actually want to parent half the time. |
And the AP won’t want to play babysitter, so they’ll get stuck with a nanny. Cheaters are so gross. |
Lawyer. These are not really enforceable. Words on a page that mean little |
You were replying to my post. I'm sorry you're in this position. The two times I confronted, I did it right away because I had extreme anxiety and needed the release. But if I had been able to wait, it would have only helped. This time around, the husband of the AP waited to confront her. She's much more of a gaslighter than my STBX is. I think that's the only reason I was able to confront without much preparation and get at least a semblance of the truth. He won't tell an outright lie because he feels guilty, and if he tries to, it's super obvious. His AP just makes sh*t up. So her husband waited to confront her in coparenting therapy, so there would be a third party present. And she denied and denied and denied, and finally she said, "Where are you getting your information from?" and he said, "From what your boyfriend told his wife." Mic drop. ![]() I knew the AP's husband peripherally before (we were the original acquaintances), but we've become weird trauma besties. Having someone who is going through the same thing has been a real blessing. I hope you can find some support too. After the first affair I used the surviving infidelity forum a lot, and I keep in touch with some people I "met" on there. They've been a lifeline too. And of course, you need to talk to your support network. My trauma bestie has a harder time asking people for help, so he's been happy for me to tell people he knows the story to save him a step. I try to help when I can, but I do hope he'll work on it himself. Let people support you, as you would be happy to support them too. And, unfortunately, infidelity is a lot more common than we realize. I've had a lot of friends tell me their stories of being cheated on after knowing what is going on with me. No one has a right to keep the truth of your life from you. You are entitled to full autonomy over your body and your choices. When you are ready to confront, do so knowing that you are giving your partner the opportunity to honor your dignity and work toward repair, whether that is reconciliation or the ending of a relationship that is harmful to you. But since they are mired in deceit and selfishness right now, keep your expectations realistic. They're unlikely to offer you the truth that you deserve, but you still deserve it. Please know that in your core. And be prepared to end the harm whether they help you or not. Well, you said you'd read a novel, so I thought I'd oblige! ![]() |
I agree. If he’s rich, he will easily remarry a younger woman. What about her? She’s a mom of a few kids. The house is big enough where they can live separate lives while still married for the kids sake |
This is weird, backwards advice. If he's rich, she'll get good alimony and child support. I'm the lady who's been writing novels on this thread who is going through an unexpected divorce. In the early days when I was a crying mess, I had a few friends point out the obvious. "So wait, you're going to be fine financially, and you don't have to deal with a man? This seems . . . not so terrible?" ![]() I don't need to find some man who's willing to become a stepdad and full time partner. I just need to find someone who likes getting together and having sex a few times a week. Surely this is not an impossible ask. I have a full life on my own. All the research says that women benefit a lot more than men from divorce, which makes sense. There's no reason to stay with an icky cheater who's going to have to pay you your due unless it's what you absolutely want. As my STBX explained to me in an attempt to convince me to take his financial offer, I'm going to have a lot more flexible income than he is [cue a tiny violin]. Um, that's because he ran out and bought himself an expensive house four days after he left me, and he also wants to keep our vacation home. He can't really afford two expensive homes AND paying my mortgage and alimony and child support, but those are his choices. So any woman who looks at him and think he's her ticket to a cushy life is going to wish she'd married him 20 years ago like I did. |
More power to you! 👸 |