It is unlikely that things like explicit pics (hell, pretty much everyone is sending/receiving these now) or meeting an AP when you should be at Larla's dance recital will have any bearing on a custody decision. I get that this is frustrating, but it is what it is.
But this is a question for your lawyer -- if you have one, ask them, if you don't, you should have hired one yesterday. |
I borrowed the money for the retainer from my mom. And I made sure I wasn't sharing my location when I went to the lawyer's office. |
Nothing to announce. Speak with a lawyer and start planning your exit. |
Time to get your own AP. Two can play at this game! |
There are two types of usefulness here and you are getting responses on both. 1. What a judge will look at in awarding custody. 2. What he may agree to in order to avoid a messy/long divorce process and out of shame/guilt. #1 should be answered by a lawyer as many people have suggested (but the answer is probably not relevant) #2 I would like to hear more about other people’s experiences |
Evidence doesn’t matter to court, but it might matter to HIM. Using whatever leverage you have is wise, this is leverage. |
(Not OP). Sorry to quote something so long but PP, THANK YOU. this is just what the type of practical advice I had been looking for. You’re my hero. I would read a book if you wrote it about your experience. I see other people talk about confronting within a few weeks. I have been wondering if I’m waiting too long to confront but I don’t actually feel ready or know what I want yet or feel emotionally capable. So maybe I shouldn’t rush it. |
A few tips:
- make sure there is no way for him to track your location (not even through your kids Life360 or anything) - make sure he does not have access to the phone bill or get yourself another way to call people so he cannot see that you’re calling lawyer - consult all the Top lawyers in your area for a one hour consult ($500-800$) so they will be conflicted out of representing him - make sure your phone and all your email addresses have passwords that he is unable to access - Start yourself a new email address that you use for correspondence with lawyers - make sure that you are backing up any evidence that you have to the cloud or to a friend where it cannot be erased |
Oh, PP again. Ask the lawyer that you end up hiring about F and went to confront. My lawyer was opposed to any confrontation.
Also, what is your cash situation? Your lawyer may ask for a retainer in the $20,000 range, is there a way where you can hide that expenditure? If not still consult everyone in town and have someone picked out and ready to go. You should start with a list of questions for your lawyer, and then each consultation will give you some answers and some new questions and you just keep rolling through them to block him from hiring these people |
I don't believe this lie anymore. There are obviously women just as complicit who make it their mission to steal a guy from a married life because they usually know he is a proven safe man compared to others and can provide. They are obviously trying to compete with the wife for attention. Most of these women know the man is married and it makes them more interested in the guy, not less. |
Yup. Happened to my sister and her ex was actually jeopardizing the kids. They don't care. Unless documented physical abuse it's 50/50...next. And she had the number 1 attorney in her state. |
+1 pull a Katie Holmes |
You don't have to get a divorce. It will probably be better for you, the kids, and him in the long run if you work it out. |
First get a lawyer.
I pretended I wanted to reconcile and did therapy for a year. Made sure the AP was long gone. Convinced him to get a vasectomy. Secured the assets. Then I told him it wasn’t gonna work out. |
He can get 50/50 even though he cheated. Courts don't think a parent's moral character has anything to do with their parenting somehow. You can put in the divorce decree that he can't have anyone sleeping over when the children are with him unless they are married. |