Why have you cut off friends?

[Anonymous]

Compulsive liar and just generally seemed to have an untreated personality disorder.

I have distanced myself from a few friends who are always negative about everything

[Anonymous]

I cut off/slow faded a friend/relative about two years ago because I was sick of the poor choices she made with men and life in general. She had a general lack of integrity, which bothered me, so I didn't want to be around it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One female friend in high school for competing with me incessantly. Compared every test grade and bragged when she got a better possession. It just wasn't fun to be her friend...insecurity made her boring and mean-spirited. She wasn't even nice when she won a lot.

One male friend whom I helped a lot. Tried to get him a job. Helped him and his wife find a student apartment. Drove him and his wife on a 7 hour one-way trip to drop him off when I had to return alone. Financially helped them to join me and my husband on a vacation because we enjoyed their company and they were broke. He just became too much of a taker. The last straw was when he called out of the blue asking me to buy an air ticket because he found a deal. He would have paid me back for sure, but at that point I felt valued only because I made his life easy and not because I was a good friend.

I had a friend like this in my early 30s and it is low key one of the worst friendships I've ever been in. I didn't cut her off but I did start to distance myself from her because it's so unpleasant to be into someone who does this -- turns every interaction into a competition that you are going to lose. I felt like she was using me as a foil for the sole purpose of making herself feel better about herself. The final straw for me was when my mom died and she told me that while she was sad for me, it was going to be worse for her when her own mom died because they were closer than my mom and I were. What in the actual f***.

I didn't want drama so I didn't cut her out but I stopped hanging out with her 1:1 and avoided situations where I'd have to spend a lot of time interacting with her directly. I was still pleasant to her face and would interact with her at parties. She could tell I didn't like her anymore though, so she told all our mutual friends I had stopped talking to her because I was jealous of her.

Crazy is as crazy does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

This - different values. Whether it's voting for a rapist for president, or doing cocaine as a single mother (hell, even if she weren't a parent), or severely poor money management (six figures of cc debt but continuing to go to concerts, on trips, getting tattoos), etc. Just wildly different values.

I don't care if you love cats while I can't stand them and am a firm dog person, or you're vegetarian while I'm not, or one of us has kids while the other doesn't want any - those are all just different life choices.

How is that any of your business though? Is she asking you for money? If not, it's her money and her debt and her life, so MYOB. Don't co-sign on a loan for her, but... not your place to judge.

[Anonymous]

Racists and users I cannot be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

Well you learned your lesson here. I don't think friends should lend each other money, for this reason. Based Cally to f a friend is so hard up for money they need help, you either give it to them with no expectation of repayment, or if you can't afford to do that, you help them another way. But lending friends money almost always leads to these issues. Same with family. You want a loan, go to a bank.

If you hadn't loaned her money, you wouldn't have to care at all about her money management. It shouldn't be your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

Well you learned your lesson here. I don't think friends should lend each other money, for this reason. Based Cally to f a friend is so hard up for money they need help, you either give it to them with no expectation of repayment, or if you can't afford to do that, you help them another way. But lending friends money almost always leads to these issues. Same with family. You want a loan, go to a bank.

If you hadn't loaned her money, you wouldn't have to care at all about her money management. It shouldn't be your business.

Op here. It wasn’t a lot of money. There are so many things added together. She’s a mess and I can’t deal with it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Over the decades? I wouldn’t say I dramatically cut anyone off and some toxic friendships ran their course. BUT:

One friend held deeply racist beliefs about my ethnic group (hardcore trump supporter, believes the vaccines are microchipped etc).

Went through the hardest period of my life where I really needed a certain kind of support… some of my friends of decades and from my inner circle didn’t want to do much beyond the bare minimum whereas people I considered less close and even acquaintances stepped up in a major way (happy to say those people are some of my closest friends now)

Over the years there were a few other friends who were liars, manipulators, paranoid, walking on eggshells around them, controlling, would snap and you wouldn’t know when or why, trying to pit me against other mutual friends, etc. That type of behavior showed itself pretty quickly so those friendships were short lived.

Other friendships that faded are just ones where we grew apart or didn’t have much in common anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Compulsive liar and just generally seemed to have an untreated personality disorder.

I have distanced myself from a few friends who are always negative about everything

This.work with someone like this. Will never be friends with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to cut off anyone who remained friends with my abusive ex.

Oooh, yeah. Also a great reason to cut people off. If we're only "friends" so you can report back to people who don't have direct access to me, we're not friends at all. GTFO!

Yes- the fear of flying monkeys was definitely one reason. But it was more that I was vocal about the abuse that drove me to a suicide attempt. Just because I was adept at hiding it doesnt mean it wasn’t real. So for me it felt like those who knew who maintained any sort of friendliness with him either A- didn’t believe me or B. Believed me and didn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cant say here.

Lol so why are you even posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

This - different values. Whether it's voting for a rapist for president, or doing cocaine as a single mother (hell, even if she weren't a parent), or severely poor money management (six figures of cc debt but continuing to go to concerts, on trips, getting tattoos), etc. Just wildly different values.

I don't care if you love cats while I can't stand them and am a firm dog person, or you're vegetarian while I'm not, or one of us has kids while the other doesn't want any - those are all just different life choices.

^ the party of tolerance and inclusion, everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

Well you learned your lesson here. I don't think friends should lend each other money, for this reason. Based Cally to f a friend is so hard up for money they need help, you either give it to them with no expectation of repayment, or if you can't afford to do that, you help them another way. But lending friends money almost always leads to these issues. Same with family. You want a loan, go to a bank.

If you hadn't loaned her money, you wouldn't have to care at all about her money management. It shouldn't be your business.

Op here. It wasn’t a lot of money. There are so many things added together. She’s a mess and I can’t deal with it anymore.

You get to choose who you allow in your life, but you might want to look at your attitude here. People are messy. You are also a mess, in some way, or maybe in several. It's not friendly to try to "save" your friend only to bail later because you couldn't. That's a story about you, not your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

bigoted reaction

Don’t make me go all Inigo Montoya on your ass