Why have you cut off friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

This - different values. Whether it's voting for a rapist for president, or doing cocaine as a single mother (hell, even if she weren't a parent), or severely poor money management (six figures of cc debt but continuing to go to concerts, on trips, getting tattoos), etc. Just wildly different values.

I don't care if you love cats while I can't stand them and am a firm dog person, or you're vegetarian while I'm not, or one of us has kids while the other doesn't want any - those are all just different life choices.

^ the party of tolerance and inclusion, everyone

Why oh why won’t you tolerate my intolerance, amrite?

[Anonymous]

Started saying racist stuff, including joking my nephews were "anchor babies".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

Well you learned your lesson here. I don't think friends should lend each other money, for this reason. Based Cally to f a friend is so hard up for money they need help, you either give it to them with no expectation of repayment, or if you can't afford to do that, you help them another way. But lending friends money almost always leads to these issues. Same with family. You want a loan, go to a bank.

If you hadn't loaned her money, you wouldn't have to care at all about her money management. It shouldn't be your business.

Op here. It wasn’t a lot of money. There are so many things added together. She’s a mess and I can’t deal with it anymore.

You get to choose who you allow in your life, but you might want to look at your attitude here. People are messy. You are also a mess, in some way, or maybe in several. It's not friendly to try to "save" your friend only to bail later because you couldn't. That's a story about you, not your friend.

You sound a little nuts yourself. People change over the years. Op isn’t a therapist or Jesus. She can determine what she can handle. This person isn’t her child. She’s not obligated to hang around and put up with crap if she doesn’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

Likewise. She laughed at my face when I told her that I voted for Clinton. When I look back on our conversations I realize in retrospect that she is racist. For example, she said she would be upset if her son dated a black girl.
Covid was a good excuse to distance myself. Now I just send her a message on her birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

Well you learned your lesson here. I don't think friends should lend each other money, for this reason. Based Cally to f a friend is so hard up for money they need help, you either give it to them with no expectation of repayment, or if you can't afford to do that, you help them another way. But lending friends money almost always leads to these issues. Same with family. You want a loan, go to a bank.

If you hadn't loaned her money, you wouldn't have to care at all about her money management. It shouldn't be your business.

Op here. It wasn’t a lot of money. There are so many things added together. She’s a mess and I can’t deal with it anymore.

You get to choose who you allow in your life, but you might want to look at your attitude here. People are messy. You are also a mess, in some way, or maybe in several. It's not friendly to try to "save" your friend only to bail later because you couldn't. That's a story about you, not your friend.

You sound a little nuts yourself. People change over the years. Op isn’t a therapist or Jesus. She can determine what she can handle. This person isn’t her child. She’s not obligated to hang around and put up with crap if she doesn’t want to.

You led with ableist accusations on an anon board, but on the off chance you're smarter than you seem: No, this person isn't OP's child, or their responsibility. And I already agreed with you that OP can choose who is/isn't allowed in their life. AND... OP is responsible for the judgmental BS they're laying on their friend instead of just saying "this doesn't work for me" and bailing. OP flouncing with a "she's a mess and I just can't deal" is a lot of drama over something OP could just quietly do. That's a story about OP.

Kinda like how you had to attack me personally instead of just making your point. That's a story about you so I don't expect you to be able to see this. But it's there.

It's okay to make decisions for yourself without having to vilify others. You just don't want to. Fine. Don't. Doesn't mean the other person is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

This - different values. Whether it's voting for a rapist for president, or doing cocaine as a single mother (hell, even if she weren't a parent), or severely poor money management (six figures of cc debt but continuing to go to concerts, on trips, getting tattoos), etc. Just wildly different values.

I don't care if you love cats while I can't stand them and am a firm dog person, or you're vegetarian while I'm not, or one of us has kids while the other doesn't want any - those are all just different life choices.

^ the party of tolerance and inclusion, everyone

The paradox of tolerance: you cannot tolerate the intolerant. Google this and learn something (because you sound stupid).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. The friend doesn’t live locally so making plans is a lot harder. I also let her borrow money and she hasn’t paid me back.

Well you learned your lesson here. I don't think friends should lend each other money, for this reason. Based Cally to f a friend is so hard up for money they need help, you either give it to them with no expectation of repayment, or if you can't afford to do that, you help them another way. But lending friends money almost always leads to these issues. Same with family. You want a loan, go to a bank.

If you hadn't loaned her money, you wouldn't have to care at all about her money management. It shouldn't be your business.

Op here. It wasn’t a lot of money. There are so many things added together. She’s a mess and I can’t deal with it anymore.

You get to choose who you allow in your life, but you might want to look at your attitude here. People are messy. You are also a mess, in some way, or maybe in several. It's not friendly to try to "save" your friend only to bail later because you couldn't. That's a story about you, not your friend.

You sound a little nuts yourself. People change over the years. Op isn’t a therapist or Jesus. She can determine what she can handle. This person isn’t her child. She’s not obligated to hang around and put up with crap if she doesn’t want to.

You led with ableist accusations on an anon board, but on the off chance you're smarter than you seem: No, this person isn't OP's child, or their responsibility. And I already agreed with you that OP can choose who is/isn't allowed in their life. AND... OP is responsible for the judgmental BS they're laying on their friend instead of just saying "this doesn't work for me" and bailing. OP flouncing with a "she's a mess and I just can't deal" is a lot of drama over something OP could just quietly do. That's a story about OP.

Kinda like how you had to attack me personally instead of just making your point. That's a story about you so I don't expect you to be able to see this. But it's there.

It's okay to make decisions for yourself without having to vilify others. You just don't want to. Fine. Don't. Doesn't mean the other person is a problem.

The other person is a problem is they can’t be reliable. Sounds like you’re a flake and feel defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was so much a taker - in every way - and never reciprocated nor realized that maybe I could use some support.

+1

The last straw for me was when I bought an artwork from this person, and they never sent it. After I asked about it, they said they would send it and still didn't. Eventually, they asked if I wanted my money back, and I said yes. It was too much drama.

But also, they are a taker and always have been. On group trips, they'd try not to pay the agreed upon amount at the last minute. That meant others, including me, would have to pay more without warning. Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to cut off anyone who remained friends with my abusive ex.

I cut off a friendship with someone who remained friends with the person who sexually assaulted me and then brought the assaulter around to my other friends, who were quite uncomfortable with this.

That person is now a big time lawyer with a lot of power. Won't surprise me if he becomes governor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

bigoted reaction

Really? I don't see an issue with a person not wanting to be friends with someone who supports what happened on January 6th. Because let's be honest if those people were black they would have been shot to death and Fox "news" would have been calling them thugs. But, since they were white and "supporting" Trump they are patriots.

Trump shouldn't have been allowed to run in the first place since he LITERALLY TRIED TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.

You people need to get your head out your AXX and wake up. You're suppose POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never cut off a friend or family member. Nor have I ever blocked a family member or friend. The idea of 'cancelling' people in your life isn't a value I hold.
As an adult there are many ways to manage conflicts without the flouncing and announcing and going high drama about it.

This this this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Voted for Trump, different values

This - different values. Whether it's voting for a rapist for president, or doing cocaine as a single mother (hell, even if she weren't a parent), or severely poor money management (six figures of cc debt but continuing to go to concerts, on trips, getting tattoos), etc. Just wildly different values.

I don't care if you love cats while I can't stand them and am a firm dog person, or you're vegetarian while I'm not, or one of us has kids while the other doesn't want any - those are all just different life choices.

How is that any of your business though? Is she asking you for money? If not, it's her money and her debt and her life, so MYOB. Don't co-sign on a loan for her, but... not your place to judge.

If you tell me things about your life, then I will judge them. It became my business when she told me how she had to repay loans before she got her full time associate job and needed to ask her parents for a loan (they both said no), and then she had to ask her boyfriend's dad, and then she kept going to all these fun events, making fun of me for taking the train while she takes Ubers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Cut off because she is a narcissist, self-absorbed, materialistic, and superficial. Always treated me (and even my DH) like her personal assistant.

[Anonymous]

I have only ever cut off one friend and it was because she thought I had said something that was hurtful (and not something I would ever say). Instead of coming to me about it, she talked badly about me behind my back for six months until I got wind of how bad it had gotten and I confronted her about it. I decided that I didn't want to be friends with someone who (1) would think I would say something like that and (2) would handle a situation like she did. She was too much drama and I didn't want to be a part of it anymore.