How normal is it to yell at your kids?

[Anonymous]

We don’t yell unless emergency

[Anonymous]

Not yell, but repeat myself. Getting ready for school and bed are the hardest.
Now I just go sit in the car and wait for the kid. He moves faster when I have left already.
I don't have a reason to yell often as he is usually a good. We live in a condo. Doubt others want to hear me yell.

[Anonymous]

I let my voice get sharp to show I'm irritated, but the volume doesn't go up.

[Anonymous]

Not normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not normal

Normal for the boomer generation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not normal

+1. No yelling is typical for parents raising pathologically anxious children, and that's most of this board.

[Anonymous]

We yell most days. Personally I think the conflict adverse houses and kids are a lot more anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We yell most days. Personally I think the conflict adverse houses and kids are a lot more anxious.

I’m not conflict averse, at all. I have conflict with my kid all day long. But she is probably anxious (just based on genetics and what I have observed so far) and if I even use my “stern” voice, it usually results in tears. So there may be something to that. But I really don’t think me yelling more would help anything. Actually she’s really compliant, by and large, and I have few reasons to yell.

And actually, my anxious spouse came from a big yelling house. I’m not that anxious, and came from a rare yelling house. Guess where we spend the holidays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We yell most days. Personally I think the conflict adverse houses and kids are a lot more anxious.

Genuine question for people who describe houses where people don't yell as "conflict adverse." Do you yell in the rest of your life? I don't yell at my spouse or my coworkers or my friends, and they don't yell at me. We have conflicts; we just talk normally through them. It seems odd to me to expect yelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We yell most days. Personally I think the conflict adverse houses and kids are a lot more anxious.

I’m not conflict averse, at all. I have conflict with my kid all day long. But she is probably anxious (just based on genetics and what I have observed so far) and if I even use my “stern” voice, it usually results in tears. So there may be something to that. But I really don’t think me yelling more would help anything. Actually she’s really compliant, by and large, and I have few reasons to yell.

And actually, my anxious spouse came from a big yelling house. I’m not that anxious, and came from a rare yelling house. Guess where we spend the holidays?

+1 to this. My wife got yelled at as a kid and is very anxious. My mom grew up in a household with a LOT of yelling and is a nervous wreck, but I didn't and I'm not anxious at all. The flip side is that our daughter (we don't yell) is, not anxious yet, but is very sensitive, especially to correction. I don't think the yelling is the factor that matters. I think it's much about genetics or other underlying personality issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We yell most days. Personally I think the conflict adverse houses and kids are a lot more anxious.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Jews yell more than gentiles. Facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We yell most days. Personally I think the conflict adverse houses and kids are a lot more anxious.

Genuine question for people who describe houses where people don't yell as "conflict adverse." Do you yell in the rest of your life? I don't yell at my spouse or my coworkers or my friends, and they don't yell at me. We have conflicts; we just talk normally through them. It seems odd to me to expect yelling.

Honestly, I kind of agree with this. There is so much passive aggressiveness in my workplace because there is no yelling or getting angry at anything and it's not healthy either. So many people put out by someone saying something off to them that they don't agree with and work to throw others under the bus. Just look at politics. They will talk and say something like I was just vibing when this person did such and such to me and describe themselves as a genuinely nice person that bad things just happen to. They can't realize that they are actually being critical, gossipy, mean, negligent, etc. It's like they don't identify with that part of their personality and think that by being sly they aren't being mean. It's the other person that "did" something to them. They also are very hesitant to do new things because they have to be seen as perfect in everything. They don't like to ask questions. They hate being wrong. They hate being called out.

The stern look parent obviously is the best happy medium between a yelling parent and a passive aggressive parent but not everyone can achieve this all the time. These people tend to be very good at what they do and good at instituting consequences. Behavior is at the top of their priority list. Both the yeller and the passive aggressive person give themselves leeway to act poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jews yell more than gentiles. Facts

Believe you. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not normal

+1. No yelling is typical for parents raising pathologically anxious children, and that's most of this board.

Agree. Normalizing this is ridiculous, immature and will absolutely hurt your children.