How normal is it to yell at your kids?

[Anonymous]

I yell at our kids probably once every other week. It’s usually after I’ve had a sleepless night and then had to continually repeat myself to our kids only to be ignored.

My husband yells at our kids about every other day, if not more. He has no patience for messes they leave or when they don’t head out the door in time. Or when they are doing screens.

Otherwise I think we have good relationships. But I get a bit mortified when my husband is yelling at our kids on our front porch or in the backyard where all our neighbors are.

I’ve never heard them yell at their kids. How normal are we?

[Anonymous]

I think on average I raise my voice at least once every other day. One of my kids doesn't listen to instructions on the daily and, after the 4th or 5th time, my voice goes up.

But we try not to yell in public. The kids also tend to behave much better when out and about. One time we took the kids' neighbor friend to the pool with us and my older kid did something kind of reckless that could have ended pretty badly if not for luck. We were addressing it when the neighbor kid said, wow, you guys are so calm; my parents would be yelling their heads off if this happened in our house. I had to laugh at that b/c I always thought their household was the calm one!

[Anonymous]

For me, it is rare. A few times a year. In fact, when I do yell, they look at me in total and complete alarm.

[Anonymous]

Come back when your kids are teens and let us know if they have anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? We yell at some point most days Sometimes it takes a sharp ‘GET OFF YOUR BROTHER’ to prevent an injury, and I’m okay with that.

Yelling usually only happens after a long period of calmness though, so generally I think we are fairly measured.

[Anonymous]

It’s common.

But this isn’t a great pattern. Better to come up with incentives and consequences in advance. Then calmly administer consequences when necessary. The yelling can have emotional effects on children. It also conditions them not to take authority/boundaries seriously unless someone is yelling. This isn’t great in school settings or peer relationships.

[Anonymous]

Less now that I am on medication 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? We yell at some point most days Sometimes it takes a sharp ‘GET OFF YOUR BROTHER’ to prevent an injury, and I’m okay with that.

Yelling usually only happens after a long period of calmness though, so generally I think we are fairly measured.

If you count that, it's about every 15 minutes here.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Why did you even have kids if you feel the need to abuse them constantly???

[Anonymous]

We do

[Anonymous]

These days? No which is why most kids are aholes and can't behave in public.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t really matter as long as it’s predictable behavior. If your kids know dad is going to flip his lid because they left the lights on again, or didn’t put their shoes away again, or whatever behavior for which he has already made it clear he has no patience, the yelling is just something they learn to expect and it’s not pleasant but not abusive (like some weirdo PP claimed).

If you’re randomly snapping and yelling at your kids for no apparent reason, or for something they’ve done a hundred times that never bothered you before, then it’s a problem.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were younger, they didn't "hear" me unless I yelled.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the family. There's a big range of normal.

[Anonymous]

I raise my voice every day. Not in a mean way but because they don't listen the first 4 times. I hate it. They are smart, capable and kind children but also like to do what they want and ignore stuff that needs to be done. When I have a good patient day, I yell less and just impose consequences - didn't set the table, you don't have a place setting to eat, didnt clean you toys, i throw them out.