How normal is it to yell at your kids?

[Anonymous]

DH and I both grew up in households with a lot of yelling, and we both yelled at our kids. Less than our parents did, but more than we should have.
A few years ago we went on vacation with a family with similar aged kids, and we marveled that they didn’t yell at all really. They had a lot fewer rules, and everyone was just calm most of the time. It really made us rethink our household, and we yell a LOT less now.

[Anonymous]

Dh and I both grew up in houses with daily yelling. We probably yell at DS a few times a month and even then it's more of a raised voice annoyance at his lack of doing something we asked him to do already vs yelling at him. We aren't conflict adverse, we just grew up in environments we didn't want to repeat.

[Anonymous]

I often repeat myself with escalating volume and frustration level. So yes.

[Anonymous]

We rarely yell at DS, I don't find it necessary. We can discipline him and have discussions about his behavior without yelling. The same way DH and I can have a disagreement without yelling. I grew up with a mom whose first reaction was to yell and it was miserable. Didn't particularly want to continue that.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the pps who grew up with daily yelling and now I'm wondering if my definition of yelling is the same as everyone else's. When I think of yelling, I think of total loss of control of emotions and just screaming and yelling to a level that is completely overblown for the situation. It's not a simple "Larla!!! I've told you TWENTY times to go out your shoes on!".

So when I think of myself as a "no yelling" house it's because we've never lost control and just screamed at DS the way my mom would to me. But if people are talking about just getting frustrated and raising their voice a little, that's different.

[Anonymous]

People have a wide range of what they consider yelling at their kids. Someone should produce a video with a scale of 1-10.

[Anonymous]

I've yelled in alarm to stop an injury from happening. Preventive yelling. We don't do reactionary after the fact yelling. Serious voice, stern looks, eye to eye communication, consequences, yes. They "hear" you when you make eye contact. You have to make that effort.

I've never heard my teens yell at anyone in anger (yelling in the excitement of a competition, yes, go team!). They are very good at talking it out, making themselves heard with indoor voices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the pps who grew up with daily yelling and now I'm wondering if my definition of yelling is the same as everyone else's. When I think of yelling, I think of total loss of control of emotions and just screaming and yelling to a level that is completely overblown for the situation. It's not a simple "Larla!!! I've told you TWENTY times to go out your shoes on!".

So when I think of myself as a "no yelling" house it's because we've never lost control and just screamed at DS the way my mom would to me. But if people are talking about just getting frustrated and raising their voice a little, that's different.

I mentioned yelling to get my kid out of the door and a woman expressed shock but soon after was yelling at her kid about something. I think she must have had a different definition, maybe more like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I often repeat myself with escalating volume and frustration level. So yes.

Focus on what isn't working the first time. Do you actually have their attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the pps who grew up with daily yelling and now I'm wondering if my definition of yelling is the same as everyone else's. When I think of yelling, I think of total loss of control of emotions and just screaming and yelling to a level that is completely overblown for the situation. It's not a simple "Larla!!! I've told you TWENTY times to go out your shoes on!".

So when I think of myself as a "no yelling" house it's because we've never lost control and just screamed at DS the way my mom would to me. But if people are talking about just getting frustrated and raising their voice a little, that's different.

I said upthread that I yell daily, things like GET OFF YOUR BROTHER. What you’re describing is exactly what I count as my daily yelling. Things like getting dressed for school after I’ve said it 40 times to my 4 year old, or to get in the bath for the fifth time? Those will often escalate into an ENOUGH. Get in the bath! Etc. I count it as yelling.

[Anonymous]

The other thing I've noticed with families that don't even say stuff like "Get off your brother" and "Enough" are that they barely do anything. Kids on weed or extremely thin or unathletic. Lots of screen time. I've seen their kids from 0 to 20 and the families are just so passive. And/or passive aggressive. As if because they don't have a voice they can just be offended all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the pps who grew up with daily yelling and now I'm wondering if my definition of yelling is the same as everyone else's. When I think of yelling, I think of total loss of control of emotions and just screaming and yelling to a level that is completely overblown for the situation. It's not a simple "Larla!!! I've told you TWENTY times to go out your shoes on!".

So when I think of myself as a "no yelling" house it's because we've never lost control and just screamed at DS the way my mom would to me. But if people are talking about just getting frustrated and raising their voice a little, that's different.

I said upthread that I yell daily, things like GET OFF YOUR BROTHER. What you’re describing is exactly what I count as my daily yelling. Things like getting dressed for school after I’ve said it 40 times to my 4 year old, or to get in the bath for the fifth time? Those will often escalate into an ENOUGH. Get in the bath! Etc. I count it as yelling.

Pp here. Glad I posted. What you posted makes sense and that's what my own interactions with DS are like. Ha I think in my own head I hate to say I yell at him because I still associate that with my mom's level of yelling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the pps who grew up with daily yelling and now I'm wondering if my definition of yelling is the same as everyone else's. When I think of yelling, I think of total loss of control of emotions and just screaming and yelling to a level that is completely overblown for the situation. It's not a simple "Larla!!! I've told you TWENTY times to go out your shoes on!".

So when I think of myself as a "no yelling" house it's because we've never lost control and just screamed at DS the way my mom would to me. But if people are talking about just getting frustrated and raising their voice a little, that's different.

I agree with this. I see a huge distinction between out of control, fly off the handle screaming which I would define as "yelling" and raising my voice to get a point across. In a house with multiple rambunctious kids, DH and I have to raise our voices to be heard when the kids are acting wild about once per day. This is totally different from out of control yelling for no reason, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've yelled in alarm to stop an injury from happening. Preventive yelling. We don't do reactionary after the fact yelling. Serious voice, stern looks, eye to eye communication, consequences, yes. They "hear" you when you make eye contact. You have to make that effort.

I've never heard my teens yell at anyone in anger (yelling in the excitement of a competition, yes, go team!). They are very good at talking it out, making themselves heard with indoor voices.

Fantastic

[Anonymous]

We don’t yell at our kids. I find that to be inappropriate but clearly many people do it.